News and Views From The Psychic Access Community

choices

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‘Handling’ People

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comWhen people ‘handle’ me, it makes my skin crawl, literally. Why do people feel the need to ‘handle’ others? What is the difference between say being diplomatic with someone, being professional, or having boundaries, all of which are healthy behaviors, compared to ‘handling’ someone? The simple answer is energy.

Handling someone means you are a closed book, you have an agenda with a person and you want to accomplish that agenda, whether it is to get something from the person or to make that person go away (without you simply setting a boundary or being honest).

People who ‘handle’ others often do not know that is what they are doing; it is their unconscious ‘go-to’ behavior, their norm. Some ways of discovering if you are handling versus relating to someone, is to look at your other choices.

You may not realize that addicts always need handling. So, if you are an addict (of any kind — drugs, alcohol, sugar, sex, anything you feel compelled to do in excess), or if you tend to date, marry or make friends with addicts of any sort, you are more than likely someone who ‘handles’ others, as well as yourself. A handler type person will choose addicts often without realizing or admitting to themselves that they are an addict, because addicts do in fact need to be ‘handled’ until they come out of denial and start to participate in their recovery.

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When Spiritual Leaders Let Us Down

click here for a free reading at PsychicAccess.comIt is a hard lesson for some of us to learn that people are just people. We are all capable of good and evil. The difference is the choices that are made on how to handle our emotions and feelings.

When you put faith and trust in an individual and are let down, you start to second guess your decisions and lose some faith in yourself to make wise decisions. It can leave a big hole in your heart and create trust issues in the future.

It seems impossible for a person who has done remarkable good deeds to also choose to do bad things. We must realize that all people have temptations in life. Some people can avoid the albatross on their back, while others simply cannot. It takes a very strong person to walk their talk.

The same applies to ‘highly spiritual’ people, because some healers, gurus and spiritual leaders certainly have had their own cross to bear.

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When A Relationship Ends

click here for a free reading at PsychicAccess.comMany requests for readings that I receive are about relationships, and a good percentage of those are about past relationships that just seem to keep hanging on in callers’ minds and dreams. There are often constant thoughts about the person, a longing for a second chance, or bitterness and remorse for time that now seems wasted.

The longer and more intense the relationship, the more battle scars and wounds exist. If it was a soulmate or twin flame connection, the aftermath can be gutting. The relationship has ended and the connection has been severed in this life. This time can be acutely painful. You know that you gave it everything. You hung in there for years, or you went to heroic lengths to ensure the survival of  the relationship, but you fell short.

I am frequently asked, “Is it really over?” Of course, the answer depends on the particular circumstances and this is where a reading with a trusted psychic advisor can be very helpful.  It can bring clarity, comfort and assurances about choices and decisions made along the way.

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Victims And True Feelings

click here for a free reading at PsychicAccess.comWhat is the difference between being a victim and feeling like a victim? Well, the first is identifying as a victim and making decisions from that base as a way of life. The other is going into the wounds of whatever happened to them, where they were a victim, and feeling those feelings, exploring them, processing them and allowing them to be released, as a part of the journey of healing.

Healing is waking up, coming out of denial. You finally admit you were hurt, abused, abandoned, raped, lied to, robbed, beaten up and that yes, it hurt. Yes, there was terrible fear and a loss of self, a loss of faith, depression, anxiety, and so much more. This stage is shocking, and it hurts. Your ego is demolished as you finally cave into the realizations and emotions that emerge as you face the truth about what happened to you, instead of minimizing it, explaining it away, or muscling through it.

Grieving, Raging And Learning

You will inevitably need to move through the grief cycle in order to find hope and healing. This process can take two years and longer. Many people will not understand that you are grieving, since you haven’t lost anyone to death. This process is not linear. It twists and turns through loops that overlap, moves forward, and then falls back again. Continue reading

Using Labels To Avoid Doing The Work

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAcccess.comI’m an introvert. I’m dysfunctional. I am an empath.

It is good to know about yourself. However a retreat into generalized labels will be an obstacle to further work. Generalizations are just that, generalizations. Generalizations are good for a quick conversation, but not for depth.

Now that you have learned something about yourself and have a label, you have some vocabulary to do more research on tools for healing. Now that you know your fallback position (I run away, I don’t set boundaries) you can start to learn about other tools, other choices.

In order to apply new choices, in order to catch your dysfunctional patterns you will need to be mindful. Mindfulness entails being specific, very specific, regarding each incident, each choice. Just like taking a daily inventory. Specificity and detail are needed to observe your current choices, to learn what Spirit is trying to teach you, and also for you to be able to note and celebrate progress made. Just like going on a diet, you need to be real, specific, use facts, use accurate information (as much as possible) via daily tracking and detailed recall.

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When True Beauty Shines Through

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comI was speaking recently with a friend who prefers to hide from the world. In his words, “I want people to remember me the way I used to look, instead of how I look now.” I couldn’t help but lower my head in that moment. I adore this man in every way. His looks mean nothing to me, for I have seen his heart. To me he is extremely handsome. I wish he felt the same way about himself.

I have thought the same about myself, many times over the years, but not so much anymore. I take pride in my appearance, but I have also come to understand that my looks are not the ‘sum of my parts.’

We live in a very superficial world, where we are made to believe by almost every media and marketing message out there, that as long as you are beautiful or handsome, the world is your oyster. There also doesn’t seem to be any getting away from it. I recall in my own youth flipping through magazines to look at the ‘beautiful people,’ and thinking to myself, their lives must be perfect. Of course, today I know that nothing could be further from the truth.

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A Few Minutes Of Daily Self-Care

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comI often tell my students to take some ‘me time’ each day, even if it’s only five minutes for self-care. And I have heard 101 excuses as to why someone cannot do this, ranging from parenting responsibilities and career, to house cleaning and maintenance. These excuses typically start with the words, “I have to…”

At one workshop, I had several people offer their excuses for not having even  a few minutes for themselves on a daily basis.  Then I narrowed it down to a simple question. When you have to go to the washroom, do you hold it in all day long, and all night, because you ‘have to’ do something else?  After the laughter stopped, because I did do an exaggerated imitation of someone ‘holding it’ by rolling on the floor in agony!

And then I asked the next question. By holding it all day and night, and writhing in pain and agony, what did I accomplish?  How much time did I waste focusing on this issue of ‘I have to go,’ but ‘I don’t have time.’

This is the simplest way to explain time management versus wasted energy and time. I take a bath or shower each day, as do most people. I am usually at least a few minutes under the water in some way. Water is my peacemaker and my calming force. It energizes me and charges me for the day.

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