life challenges
Stop Surviving And Start Living
The past three years, I have heard many people say they’re living in ‘survival mode.’ For some it has been about health and personal safety, for others it was isolation and loneliness, or bereavement and grief, or loss of employment and financial security.
It has certainly been an unprecedented, challenging time for our generation. And at times it has indeed been an actual fight for survival, which many tragically did not survive. Many families are still grieving the loss of their loved ones.
Sadly, for some it has also been a time of fearing many things that never happened. It has also been a time that revealed how some folks may be in need of a major ‘privilege check.’ For example, I personally know people who were excessively anxious during the quarantine lockdowns because they were eating too much and gaining weight, or were upset because they could not go to the salon or spa, while there are people in the world who were not even able to feed their families, or worse, had nowhere safe to take shelter.
The global pandemic has indeed been a unique opportunity to reflect on our beliefs, values, and what truly matters to us. Not everyone made the most of this prospect. It seems for some it is still difficult to move beyond the self-defeating mindset of ‘it’s a struggle to survive.’
Yes, life is sometimes definitely hard for all of us. The past three years proved that once again on a global scale. Life can throw major curve balls our way and we all handle things through our personal lens on the world. Some of us are more resilient than others; and some of us more privileged than others. Being in ‘survival mode’ is therefore relative to the individual.
How To Start Living The Life Of Your Dreams
When I was 21 years old, I had many dreams and ideals, but not much direction in life. At the time I remember feeling very motivated listening to the song Hold On Tight To Your Dreams by The Electric Light Orchestra. To this day, it still inspires me.
What life has however taught me since those starry-eyed days is that holding onto our dreams is indeed very important, but what is more crucial is taking the necessary action to make it happen. Spirit has shown me that the only way to truly manifest the life of our dreams is to go for it with everything we have: mind, body and soul. To actualize our dreams sooner rather than later, we must approach it with a determined, proactive combination of spirituality and practicality.
Find Your Faith
The first and most important step is to rally the support of spirit. Attempting to achieve our goals without the inspiration, protection and guidance of God, Source, Spirit, the Divine, is an arduous, and often treacherous undertaking. Only fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
Manifesting our dreams in ways we never before deemed possible requires spiritual alignment with our higher self, as well as faith in our ability as children of the Universe to create our best life. Holding on to big dreams without believing in a higher power or something greater than ourselves is a meaningless exercise and a mission impossible.
Healing From A Relationship Break-Up
Breaking up with someone can be one of the most difficult experiences in life, especially when it is a long and deeply meaningful relationship. It can feel impossible to see any future without that person and very difficult to move on and find joy in life again.
I find many of my clients do not realize that dealing with a break-up or divorce is very similar to processing the bereavement and grief associated with the passing of a loved one. It is often accompanied by agonizing sorrow, intense feelings of despair, and an all-encompassing sense of loss and confusion.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Tricia Wolanin it is actually “the death of a relationship, hopes and dreams for the future. The person we are losing was a big part of our world and therefore has taken up so much of our mental and heart space.”
It is however possible to recover, heal and move on after any breakup or divorce. In my work I have found the following strategies to be helpful for clients who go through this kind of life challenge.
Avoid Major Life Decisions
It is usually not a good idea to make any important life decisions if you are working through the aftermath of a breakup. This includes changing your job or career, relocating, or making other drastic changes to your life. It is vital to take some time to heal and reflect on the situation before making hasty life-changing decisions that you may later live to regret.
Respect Is A Blessed Spiritual Practice
Nothing disturbs the existence of the person who is spiritually conscious and respectful. For the believer her faith is the rock that nothing shakes. The worst storms can come, yet she’s still there, firm in her belief.
A faithless, disrespectful life without higher consciousness is perilous at best, and rife with fears, and many tears. The days tend to get darker, and the future more and more uncertain. There is little to offer hope, and life seems meaningless and transient.
But faith makes life full, smooth, and blessed. Surrendering our fears and worries to God, Source, Spirit, the Divine is liberating and transcendental.
Of course, a fulfilled, spiritually aware life is not without challenges, problems, responsibilities, and effort. Idleness and laziness will delay our soul evolution. Spiritual growth and enlightenment require effort, dedication, passion, and commitment.
For all worthwhile achievements, victories, and successes in life, we must have faith, courage, and respect; be ethical in all our choices and actions; and clearly decide what we want to achieve.
Everything that unfolds in our life begins with our own attitude and our level of respect. Those who do not respect themselves, others, and nature, cannot demand any respect in turn. Respect must guide us every day in everything we think, say, and do. It is the most important moral value and duty of every soul in human form.
The Simple Miracle Cure For Stress
While I was meditating the other day, the voice of an ancestor came to me. It was the spirit of a relative I had personally known when she was in this life. She said, “Why don’t you just rest a little bit honey? Everything is always easier and better after you take a day or two to just rest and recover.”
I cannot say I was surprised by this unusual visitation message. I had indeed been dealing with a lot of stress lately, and I tend to forget that what I really need to do sometimes is to simply stop. Just stop doing whatever it is I feel I have to do. I often do tend to take on more than I am actually required to, and then make matters worse by stressing about it. It’s a free will kind of deal.
My ancestor was right. A timeout would empower me to cope much better and see things in a different perspective. The truth is most of the recent stress in my life is caused by my thinking. It is mostly in my mind and not based in reality.
So, I decided to follow her advice and take a few days off. I turned off my negative thought process, stopped working for a few days, and found constructive ways to clear my mind and relax. I took out a library book to read for entertainment and enjoyment; played with my cats; cooked some delicious comfort food; meditated in the garden, slept late, and allowed myself to just simply enjoy some proper ‘me time.’
Well, it certainly worked like a charm! After just a few days, I felt invigorated, recharged, empowered, and in a much better state of mind. I now realize I had been depleted of energy and especially not getting enough sleep.
You Don’t Have To Be Perfect
Whenever we are focused on a task at hand, whether it is career, business or personal, we tend to focus on our mistakes and worry about what we may be doing wrong. Will it meet expectations? Are we good enough? The loud voice of perfectionism in our ego mind is often saying, “You did not do it right, you did not do enough…you are not enough.”
But constantly striving for perfection and beating ourselves up when we cannot meet those impossible expectations, sabotages the very thing we are trying to achieve. It impacts every part of our lives and also affects people around us, including our friends, coworkers, family and life partners.
Setting unrealistic standards for ourselves and others leaves us constantly feeling disappointed in ourselves and let down by others, over and over again. The perfectionism we are striving for becomes front and center in our in relationships, our careers, our health and our overall well-being. The result is anxiety, low self-esteem, fear of failure, depression, and broken relationships.
Failed perfectionism leads us to constantly measuring our worth against others, and vulnerable to the opinions, criticisms, and judgments of others. Perfectionists are very concerned about what others will think or say.
Striving for perfection is also about a need for control, so that our lives and those we care about will work out perfectly as we had planned. But contrary to popular belief, perfectionism does not lead to lasting success and fulfillment.
Spirit Is Like A Lifeguard
I used to work in a Wisconsin tourist town in the early 90s, holding down two full-time jobs to pay my way through college. One of my employee benefits was a free admission pass to all the city’s water parks and other tourist attractions. I rarely had a day off, but whenever I did, I would relish splashing around in those lazy rivers and wave pools with childlike enthusiasm!
A popular feature at my favorite water park was a towering waterslide. At the top sat a lifeguard who would give the go-ahead for you to safely start sliding down, after the slider in front of you had cleared enough distance.
Our spirit guides are kind of like those water park lifeguards.
I remember doing a reading for myself around New Year’s Day 2016, regarding my wishes and goals for the future. I wanted my midlife crisis to be over after my divorce, and I craved to immerse myself full-time in my spiritual work to gain respect and personal fulfillment.
Seven years later, I’m still working on some of those 2016 resolutions, but I have meanwhile realized that Spirit has held me back from achieving these goals earlier in my life, as I had karmic obstacles blocking my progress.
I used to be in a loveless marriage that was a karmic ball and chain around my ankle. For example, when I faced a major health challenge years ago, all my ex could focus on was the economic loss, since I wasn’t able to work at the time. I recall someone in an online support group asking him, “Don’t you love your wife? Then support her!”