forgiveness
The Importance Of Self-Trust
Of all the relationships in our life, none is more complicated or important than the one we have with self. And the cornerstone of this relationship is self-trust. Unfortunately, it is easy to damage the trust we place in ourselves. Why? Because all of us have or will make choices and decisions that don’t produce the desired outcome.
A relationship fails and we blame or question ourselves; a job opportunity eludes us; or a friendship fractures beyond repair. We lose self-trust when we don’t achieve a goal, whatever that goal may be. Then we may begin to question our own abilities, our dreams, and our worthiness to have them manifest in our life.
Every time we replay an event we label a failure the doubt in our own judgment and our self-worth increases. Self-confidence stems from self-trust, so the cycle can be a vicious one.
So, how can we repair self-trust? First, decide to give yourself a break. You made what you believed to be the best decision or choice in the moment. If you are saying, “No, I didn’t, I know I should have done…,” then stop and choose to forgive yourself for not trusting your instincts in that moment. Holding a grudge against yourself only assures that the pattern will repeat.
Next, decide to honor your emotions. If you have made choices and decisions that you perceive as a failure, then the tendency is to begin to substitute the opinions of others over our own intuition, desires and dreams. This pattern can lead to co-dependency, confusion and fear. Self-trust is harnessed when we follow our sacred wisdom, instead of looking outside ourselves to provide inner peace.
The Legacy Of The Modern Crone
The time of the crone is the third stage in the life of a woman, may she feels she has come full circle. The Crone is traditionally an archetypal figure for a ‘wise old woman.’ In ancient times the ‘crone’ was considered, in a matriarchal community, to typically be a mature woman past the age of menopause.
In society today, many women look at the time in life past menopause as a blessing. It is now considered a time to get on with life and achieve the things that may have been put on the backburner. It is a time when one hits that age where experience counts as true knowledge.
In my own opinion most of the women I know personally, who lived as young adults through the 1960’s and 1970’s, are not very much concerned with their physical age, as long as they have their health and feel good about themselves. They are not concerned about what society may call the age one is deemed ‘a crone.’
The term ‘crone’ is believed to originate from Rhea Kronia. Rhea is the ancient Greek goddess of female fertility, motherhood, and generation, also known as ‘Mother Time.’, She is also associated with black creatures, such as the crow, which is sacred and related to death.
There was a time when the crone was recognized as a treasured valued member of the community. Her advice was sought by those younger and less experienced. The good old golden rule was her belief of ‘the way life should be lived.’
Free Yourself With The Power Of Forgiveness
How can we possibly reconcile the feelings of anger and betrayal with a need to forgive? Are we compromising our integrity in doing so?
Forgiveness can seem like an impossibility… but it doesn’t have to be. It’s really one of the few things in life that really matters, whether it means forgiving ourselves, or someone else. It is said that allowing someone to continuously upset you, is to allow them to ‘live rent-free inside your mind.’
Others hurt us all the time. Holding on to this hurt for long periods of time can damage us physically and psychologically. And then there are those ‘little things’… like someone cutting you off in traffic, or forgetting an important date.
One thing forgiveness does not do, is make us forget the source of the pain. What it does is allow a reconciliation with what happened, and allows us to move on in a productive way. When you were a child, perhaps you got hurt with a hot stove burner or electrical outlet. You didn’t (hopefully) spend the rest of your life being angry at stoves or electrical outlets! This is basically how forgiveness also works. We can acknowledge that someone or something caused us to hurt, and be aware of how that happened, but still move past it and get on with our lives.
Holding on to anger and bitterness will color all your relationships, until you learn to forgive and let go. If, for example, you ended a toxic relationship and decided to start dating again, you might not be able to fully trust, because of the possibility of reliving that pain. A truly intimate relationship will never happen without forgiveness.
Extend Yourself The Grace Of Forgiveness
If you are an empath you may believe that forgiveness should be easy for you, or at least easier than it is for others. But I’ve spoken to many empaths and highly sensitive people over the years who all struggle with forgiveness.
One of the main issues with forgiveness for the empath is that we feel another’s emotions intensely, literally as our own. This muddies the waters considerably, because it tends to blur boundaries. Blurred boundaries can often lead to a closed mouth for an empath. Why? Because it is difficult for us, especially in childhood or in romantic relationships, to know where we end and another begins.
It is easy for others to manipulate appropriate boundaries with an empath, or to erase them altogether. All the empath knows is that there is pain, sadness, a sense of frustration, or anger. If you are an empath, then the question becomes are you angry with them, or yourself? Should you have been able to foresee the catastrophe happening, the relationship ending, job imploding, and so on. This leads to self-doubt and the rehashing of incidents that occurred years ago…with no resolution.
In the meantime, every time an empath thinks about the situation, past or present, we feel it…and the cycle continues.
Yes, you are empathic, intuitive, even psychic, but that does not make you immune to being human, neither does it make you all-knowing or all-seeing, especially when it comes to your own life, childhood or relationships.
Do It Anyway
No matter what we go through in life and with who, we always come back to the same place… a familiar place of being alone. The thought occurred to me the other day that we come into this world alone, and we go out alone.
Though we may be surrounded by others, at the end of the day, we are still alone when we go to sleep at night. Even if we are married, or in a relationship with someone who sleeps next to us, we still enter into the sleep state or dream state, alone.
Have you ever noticed that people who are comfortable being alone, have somehow mastered being alone without being lonely? There is a true comfort, freedom, and delight in being by oneself, alone. When we are alone, we can take an honest inventory of our life, who we choose to spend time with, and also decide how we wish to spend our time.
The relationship arena seems to be one of the most challenging areas of life. We all fall into traps and pitfalls that can steer us away from our natural state of happiness , which we come home to when we are alone. However, relationships also seem to provide a fast track for our own personal growth by revealing how we interact with other people.
Our relationships point out areas within ourselves that may require growth or increased self-love. Simply put, relationships show us exactly where we need to focus on to come back to a state of wholeness.
How To Block The Energy Of Negative People
It seems that negativity and negative people are becoming more prevalent these days. Just a decade ago, I can remember people being afraid to be “publicly negative.” No one wanted to be seen as being negative, or as someone that brought others down.
I find myself avoiding large groups and big events, because I just don’t want negativity and lower vibrations impacting my happy life. But I do go to activities and fun events for the sake of my 3-year-old child, and often some of the moms, women who are forming impressionable minds, can’t seem to help themselves, but go to the negative! A few weeks ago, for example, I complimented a mom on her daughter’s excellent vocabulary and she told me no one had ever said anything like that to her before. She said people just tear each other down nowadays. How sad.
I am currently five months pregnant. I keep having other moms asking me how I am feeling, which is very nice. However, when I say I feel great, they seem surprised, even sometimes put off. They ask, “You don’t have any unpleasant symptoms?” Well, yes. Of course, I do. I’m pregnant! But whatever the symptom is, mild though it may be, it is still a gift to me – a pleasant reminder that I am so incredibly lucky. Even when I got morning sickness, I remember thinking during it, it’s okay, it’s okay, it will be over soon. You’re lucky. This means you’re pregnant!
Actually, I am up writing this blog at 3:00am, because I have pregnancy insomnia. Right now, I am up, because I am pregnant. It’s okay. I’ll sleep properly again in another five years, when both of my kids are older. Meanwhile, I’m getting a lot done that I can’t do during the day.
Living Life – A Message From My Guides
Are you living the life of your dreams? Are you happy or content most of the time? Do you face challenges with confidence, or perhaps dread? Do you compare yourself with others and feel sad, miserable, or even angry at their success? Regardless of whether you feel as though you are at the bottom of the barrel, or soaring among the clouds, there is always room for improvement, and it is never too late to get started.
One of the biggest errors in judgment is all-or-nothing thinking. You do not need to drop everything in your life and start with a blank slate. Not only would that be impossible, it would be totally impractical. Your life so far is a culmination of all your experiences, education, career opportunities and family interactions, and cannot be wiped away like a chalkboard. Instead, you can, and should, start by making course corrections and taking baby steps in the right direction.
Set your intention first. Visualize the end result. Begin the process of redesigning your life gently and allow the universe to conspire in your favor over time. Whether you choose to go back to school, read a book, take a course, attend a conference, learn online or join a group, do something that makes you feel happy and fulfilled. Do it because you want to, not because you have to.
Set realistic goals and deadlines. If you are juggling a family or career or both, be sensible in your expectations of yourself. Things take time and if it is worth doing, it is worth doing well. Do not expect overnight results. Life is not a success-only journey, however, each setback holds a series of invaluable lessons. Deal with each issue, learn from the experience and move on with confidence. Continue reading