decisions
Should You Get Back With Your Ex?
Getting back with an ex can be challenging, especially if it ended badly the first time around. On one hand, it can be an opportunity to repair the damage and make things work, while on the other it can be a difficult decision with a variety of potential pitfalls.
Should you get back with your ex? It depends on you, your ex, and your unique situation. The pros and cons of getting back together varies depending on the people involved, the nature of the relationship, and the current circumstances. The advantages, opportunities and challenges of getting back with an ex may include the following:
Familiarity
One of the main advantages of reconnecting with your ex is the familiarity. You already know each other, so you don not have to start from scratch. This can be a great advantage, as it allows you to jump deeper into the ‘new’ relationship without having to first discover each other’s likes, dislikes, habits, quirks, expectations, hopes and dreams.
Getting back with an ex can be a great way to re-establish a comfortable relationship. You already know how to communicate with each other, you know what the other person needs and wants, and you know how to make each other happy. This familiarity can be very comforting, especially if it’s been a while since you last saw each other.
Healing From A Relationship Break-Up
Breaking up with someone can be one of the most difficult experiences in life, especially when it is a long and deeply meaningful relationship. It can feel impossible to see any future without that person and very difficult to move on and find joy in life again.
I find many of my clients do not realize that dealing with a break-up or divorce is very similar to processing the bereavement and grief associated with the passing of a loved one. It is often accompanied by agonizing sorrow, intense feelings of despair, and an all-encompassing sense of loss and confusion.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Tricia Wolanin it is actually “the death of a relationship, hopes and dreams for the future. The person we are losing was a big part of our world and therefore has taken up so much of our mental and heart space.”
It is however possible to recover, heal and move on after any breakup or divorce. In my work I have found the following strategies to be helpful for clients who go through this kind of life challenge.
Avoid Major Life Decisions
It is usually not a good idea to make any important life decisions if you are working through the aftermath of a breakup. This includes changing your job or career, relocating, or making other drastic changes to your life. It is vital to take some time to heal and reflect on the situation before making hasty life-changing decisions that you may later live to regret.
Waiting On The World To Change
Waiting On The World To Change is not just a great John Mayer song, it is also a devastating pattern in many people’s lives. Too often people are waiting for some outside force to come along and bring them the happiness and fulfillment they want. Living one’s life ‘on hold’ in this way can become a incapacitating habit that will only serve to make us eternally stuck and unhappy.
When we are waiting for a change from someone or something other than ourselves, we are not taking control of our own power. More importantly, we are also not taking personal responsibility for our God-given free will choices, nor are we holding ourselves accountable for our own actions (or inaction).
We all have that friend who is always saying how great her relationship would be ‘if only’ her partner would change a certain habit, or do something differently. Or that colleague who never gets the promotion, while she keeps blaming others as to why she is constantly overlooked. Or the diseased relative who ‘cannot’ improve her health and wellness, because making better lifestyle choices just doesn’t fit into her busy work schedule and social life.
The worst one for me is people waiting for that amazing soulmate relationship to finally materialize, when they are not making even the least bit of effort to put themselves out there and meet new people.
Some people spend a lot of time constantly setting new goals or intentions, making wish lists, creating vision boards, or doing visualizations or rituals, to manifest the changes they want to see in their lives. But what if the thing they need to change is actually themselves?
Helping Children Navigate Divorce
When parents get divorced it is always difficult for the entire family. Navigating through this time is usually challenging. There is also no manual or guidebook for how to do things the right way, so parents have to figure it out as they go.
Same with the children. It can be very scary for them not knowing what to expect and sometimes feeling obligated to take sides. It can be a very sad, stressful time for children, especially when parents are so caught up in their disputes and drama that they lose sight of what is best for their kids. The kids are not the ones getting the divorce.
However, I believe most parents really do try to do their best to soften the blow and make it work for everyone involved.
Children tend to want to please their parents and not cause further upset. So, tend to not speak up. They sometimes suppress their feelings of hurt, resentment or fear. Sometime children feel like they need to choose one parent over another.
Everyone needs to feel they are being heard and their needs considered. It is therefore best to listen to all sides before making decisions. Going through this process can be tricky. You do not want your child to feel neglected or abandoned in the process.
Understanding your children’s needs and feelings, and dealing with it, is the first step into helping your child get through it with the least amount of trauma. If a parent finds this difficult to ascertain, then it is wise for them to get some professional help and guidance.
Mistakes Are Necessary For Spiritual Growth
Have you ever felt like you made a wrong choice or bad decision that caused everything to fall apart or steered your life went in the wrong direction. Maybe you knew it was the wrong choice, but you did it anyway? Well, every mistake is an opportunity for growth. There are no mistakes in life, only lessons. Without mistakes, there is very little personal and spiritual growth.
Let’s say you choose to date a guy with a bad reputation. Then, as your gut feeling had warned and your psychic advisor had predicted, he cheats on you, and ultimately dumps you for someone else. Your inner guidance told you it was not a good idea; spirit advised against it. Yet, still you chose to find out the truth the hard way, by experiencing it for yourself.
But then you still do not learn the lesson. You go and do it again. You take him back and trust that he has changed as he has promised. Then he does the same all over again. Do you continue to stay and have him hurt you and take advantage of you? If you do, you still have not learned the lesson.
So, what is the lesson here? Well, the first thing you would have to recognize is that the lesson is not about him. It is about you. It is about establishing your self-worth and building your self-esteem. It is about accepting the fact that you, like anyone else, deserve to be loved and to be happy. And it is about learning to trust your inner guidance and pay attention when spirit guides you.
I have worked with many clients over the years who find all kinds of excuses and justifications for staying in a bad relationship, a toxic workplace, or a dysfunctional family environment.
Are You Consciously Guided By Spirit?
Our spirit guides are constantly directing us towards our highest good and the fulfillment of our life purpose, whether we are aware of it, or not. Their guidance is just all the more effective and efficient if we are consciously aware and open to it on a daily basis.
We are all here to accomplish our soul mission in this lifetime. We agreed to come to earth for a particular purpose or calling. It is also my belief that if this mission is not accomplished, we will keep coming back to this plane of existence until we do.
Our spirit guides are with us every step of the way to assist and support us in getting these life goals met. Every day they coax us in the right direction with signs, synchronicities, gut instincts, hunches, ideas, thoughts, dreams, and inspirations.
Sadly, many people tend to be unconscious of the daily guidance of spirit, and to make matters worse, they also tend to ignore their gut feelings, signs, and intuitions. This often leads to poor choices and bad decisions, and sometimes disasterous, even life-threatening situations.
You see, spirit can only suggest, encourage, and recommend. Our guides cannot force us to do anything against our free will. Spirit can also not interfere in our lives and direct our choices without our participation and consent. In other words, our guides can only help us when we are willing to help ourselves. For the best results we must ask for guidance and support, and then be open to receive it.
Is Your History Repeating Itself?
Are you feeling stuck making all the wrong choices and decisions? Are you repeating the same make mistakes? A study at the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences analyzed the processes that occur before the human brain makes a decision. In this study, participants were asked to press a button with their left, or right hand. They were able to do this at whatever moment they decided, however, they were asked to remember the specific time they recognized making their decision and to relay that information to the researchers.
By observing the participant’s brain scanner, it was discovered that the researchers knew the participant’s decision seven seconds before the participant knew, based on observing electrical signals within the participant’s brain. This is important information, because it validates how much our subconscious minds are making decisions without us fully being aware of the choices we are making.
Although this research is based on making immediate decisions, how often are you aware of where their decisions are being based upon? How can you know if you’re making a decision based on old thought patterns and habits, rather than based on higher, conscious awareness?
The philosopher George Santayana famously said, “Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.” While this is true on a global scale, this is also true in our personal relationships. My interests in psychology and consciousness originated from observing my family, their unhealthy patterns, and observing the resulting choices I’ve made myself, in response to those patterns.