choices
Dating A Married Man
The subject of dating married men and being ‘the other women’ is something that for obvious reasons is seldom talked about. But I feel it might be healthy and necessary to discuss this more openly, as it is a much more complex issue than is often realized.
For example, many women who become involved with married men do not always know initially that he is married. In my experience, helping many female clients over the years in this predicament, many woman get into it by default after being misled by the man, only to find out later that he is married and has no plan of ever leaving his wife.
I could write a book on all the reasons why married men do not leave their wives. But instead, I think it is more important to focus on why so many women continue these affairs, once they find out he is married.
Now, you would think the empowered, modern woman of today would not put up with such a situation, but they do. I find these women are often so much in love and hopeful for what might be someday, that they convince themselves their situation is unique or different, and that he is unique or different. The truth is usually quite the opposite.
How to break free from this dead-end situationship? It can be challenging for sure, but certainly possible. I believe the key is self-love and self-worth. It requires the courage to step forward and say, “I deserve more.’
If you are caught up in a relationship with a married man, know that is seldom ends well for any of the parties involved. The chances that the outcome of your situation will be the exception to the rule is most unlikely. Stay true to your highest good and make the necessary changes for your future happiness.
Life Is In The Eyes Of The Beholder
What is the lens through which you view the world? When I close my eyes I see waterfalls, flowing streams, and flowers. This is the scenery surrounding me with my eyes open too. It tells me a story of life, of inner perception, and beauty.
The experience of life is what we make it, not because we are independently powerful controllers or causes of physical outcomes, but because we are eternally sentient beings with the gift of free will.
The spirit soul is a spark of consciousness, and we can express that consciousness through a variety of qualities. It is that inner flavor of our quality that then colors our experience and lens.
So, for example, when I see the water in the stream rolling around rocks and carving a curvy path through the land in front of me, I am reminded of a world that is gentle with feminine energy. She flows and nourishes and moves with consistent but soft determination.
I know that elsewhere there is also hard, jagged terrain and a state of mind that matches it. I can choose to match my mind to the beauty, diversity, and gentleness of spirit, or to the rigid harshness of a cold, hard, inert world of matter and might.
This choice presents itself at every step. Two people may suffer a similar loss in their lives, but process it completely differently. One might see it as an opportunity to grow and become more resilient, while the other might choose to feel angry and unfortunate. It depends on the lens through which we choose to view the world and our interactions with it.
Our circumstances also do not have to change for consciousness to change. When we change our inner consciousness and the lens through which we choose to view life, we change the experience.
Saturn Squaring Nodes Of Fate
Saturn is currently in the sign of Aquarius until March 7th, 2023. To honor this placement, let us consider what’s important for the collective and the world. We are in challenging times. A time weighed down by the Nodes of Fate, signalling that important decisions are to be made for humanity as a whole.
And we are all being asked to step-up and take responsibility (Saturn), to plan for the future (Saturn in Aquarius), and firm up our foundations with dogged determination (Saturn in Aquarius).
The time has come to fill in the gaps, and set up new rules and boundaries (Saturn), if we are to evolve on earth in a manner built on integrity (Saturn).
Weighty words indeed, but this is Saturn (Cronus) we’re talking about: a fellow in Greek mythology you don’t want to mess around with. A severe Titan he was the Lord of the Universe, but he feared he’d be overthrown by one of his children, in the same way he forced his own father, the sky god, Uranus, to flee Dodge.
Why would Cronus/Saturn do such a thing to his father? It was a choice he made to stand up for his family; for his mother who was grieving over the monstrous injustices done to her children who were imprisoned by their father, Uranus, in the pits of Tartarus.
Cronus was the strongest of the Titans and took up the challenge to do the right thing. When one is fearless and faces the future (Aquarius) with an eye toward humanity, instead of the selfish needs of the self (low side of Saturn), one can achieve great works that will be rewarded.
Stay True To Your Own Best Karma
You may have heard of someone ‘getting their karma’ for something bad they have done, or of wishing bad karma on another for their transgressions. Most people use the word ‘karma’ in this negative sense, usually believing that a person that hurt them will be on the receiving end of the same hurt (or worse) because of their deeds.
But wishing negative karma on another is a dangerous practice. What we think, say and do tend to come back to us, instead of another person. So, when you say something like, “Oh, I can’t wait until they get their karma and someone breaks their heart like they broke mine,” you have in fact declared it for yourself (again).
Karma happens when it happens. Never, ever wish it on another in a negative manner. Your thoughts, words and actions determine what you attract to yourself.
Karma can instead be invoked in an amazingly positive way. Wish everyone good things, positive actions, and uplifting results in their life – even those who wronged you.
Congratulate that person who got the promotion that you wanted. Offer the person who stole from you a blessing. Forgive the person who broke your heart and wish them only happiness in their future life.
This will open the flood gates of good reactions to your actions. There is a cause and effect for everything, so the moment you choose to you’re your thoughts, words and actions all positive and loving, that is what you will attract in return.
Nagging Thoughts Are Life Lessons
Sometimes I do it too – we all do it. We sit there and rehash stuff in our minds…over and over. We beat ourselves up and say things like, “If only I would have done this”, or “If only I had not said that”.
This kind of thinking really is a waste of time. It can be very draining to sit and analyze things gone by and worry about the past.
Of course, it is certainly better to move with some discernment and caution, while we are going about our day, so we don’t make unnecessary mistakes or fall victim to this kind of regretful thinking later. But it is also important to know that no one is perfect.
Some go about their days not caring what they do or say, and neither do they ever feel the need to do this kind of obsessive thinking about the past. But the majority of us sometimes wonder if we could have done things differently, or feel the need to hold ourselves accountable for every thought, word, action and deed – and that is why we tend to go over things, time and time again.
When you find yourself engaging in this kind of thinking, just stop doing it. Thoughts that just replay events over and over again in your mind is such a waste of energy. Instead consider for a minute how the relevant events are actually a wonderful learning experience.
Those thoughts are there, bugging you, as an opportunity for growth. Ask yourself what you will do or say differently next time, and then you can go about the rest of your day with inner peace and comfort, knowing you that you have gained valuable new knowledge from the experience, and now you can turn it into wisdom for the future. People who learn from themselves and their actions can truly smile, knowing that they can ‘cruise’ along this cosmic wave called life at a higher altitude and higher level of thinking.
Keeping The Family Out Of Your Love Life
Family and our relatives have a huge impact on our romantic lives, whether we realize it or not. We bring so much from the way we were raised into our love relationships and marriages.
But having had a difficult childhood does not necessarily set us up for challenges and failure in our relationships. In fact, for those who are self-aware it can be an advantage of choosing not to bring the toxic drama of your childhood home into a current relationship.
For example, if you saw your father treat your mother without respect, you might set your mind to never allowing that happen in your own relationship. This kind of courage and personal responsibility can break the cycle.
We all have things that happen in childhood things that happen that are out of our control, it is all in how you deal with them that forms us as adults. We have a choice always.
The other aspect is culture and the values and customs with which we were raised. Depending on the circumstances it can have a significant impact on our relationships. Once again it is a choice how we want to handle it. Do we follow the family traditions, or not?
It takes courage and an open mind to march to your own drum. Standing up for what you believe can also go a long way. Sometimes this is vital to ensure a healthy, happy relationship that will last.
Of course, the biggest challenge for most couples is having the family up in your relationship business. Do your relatives influence your decisions and interfere in your relationship? Navigating a relationship or marriage successfully in this day and age is challenging enough.
Successful Relationships Begin With Self-Love
How do you ensure your relationship will work long-term? Many callers ask me this question almost every day. In my experience, there needs to be a balance of love, caring, respect and truth for any relationship to last. If you do not have these components in a relationship, more than likely it will not work out. If a relationship is out of balance, then it usually is too one-sided and not serving your highest good.
The key first step is to love and respect yourself, because when you love and respect yourself, you will also receive more love and respect from others. There is not much of a future for any relationship that is based on the self-sacrifice of one party. It never lasts and typically does not end well. Balance is required in matters of the heart.
Along with the respect you deserve in the way you are treated. it is loving, caring, and respectful? This is applicable to everyone in your life, including romantic partners, friends, co-workers, family, and relatives.
Respect is not only something we must demand, but we must also set boundaries for it in our daily life. When a boundary is repeatedly disregarded or violated by someone in your life, then something needs to change. This is when you have to say, enough.
Sometimes the hard decisions need to be made. If someone is not respecting you in your relationship, treating you poorly, and not meeting your most essential wants and needs, then it is time to make a change. Respect yourself enough to end it.
Too many people do not believe they deserve love and respect, for various reasons. The problem often begins in childhood. It is important to realize you do and to start loving yourself a little more – not in an egotistical way, but in a way that you love and respect yourself enough to want only the best for you and to no longer settle for anything less.