bereavement
How To Make Gratitude A Way Of Life
Life has certainly not been easy for me recently. First and foremost, my iPhone, email account, bank account and credit card had all been hacked by some very clever cyber-criminal. Soon after, my brother went into hospital for the second time. I was feeling rather sorry for myself until one day, after visiting my brother in the hospital, I was delayed while driving home. I had to stop at a junction to allow oncoming traffic to pass. A hearse was passing by on the other side of the road.
“God bless the deceased and their loved ones,” I softly prayed.
As the funeral procession moved closer, I noticed that the flower wreath beside the coffin had a ribbon with the words: Beloved Daughter. In a flash, all my own problems seemed to evaporate, as I thought of the bereaved parents of the deceased. Here I was, complaining that I could not access my email account, while other people were grieving the passing of a loved one. Although it was a brief, random experience, it made me take a step back and take an honest look at my life. It caused me to reflect upon the many blessings in my life and, apart from my brother’s current health condition, the ongoing well-being of the rest of my family.
The hearse experience was highly synchronistic and definitely a sign from spirit. The Universe no doubt had an uncanny hand in ochestrating this occurence, as it mimicked an similar experience I had almost 20 years ago! Back then, my son had been born three months prematurely and suffered a minor brain hemorrhage as a result. Statistically, the doctors told me, the odds were fortunately in favor of him surviving such a premature birth. Still, the four months that he was in hospital were probably the most harrowing of my life!
Letting Go Heals Our Silent Pain
Too often we are not aware of the emotional pain in others. We are blissfully ignorant of the invisible pain that they are suffering. This is the secret pain of grief, of tragedy and loss. It is often the silent pain that many of us carry inside, a pain we secretly endure every day.
Our grief and sorrow is something we hide from the world, because we tend to feel ashamed, embarrassed or guilty for not being ‘stronger.’ The fast-paced modern world we live in has little patience with those who need time to mourn and heal. Life goes on, they say.
Those who are grieving must get through their pain as best they can, often without having anyone to talk to or no one wo cares to understand. They must simply put on a happy face and get through the day.
Sometimes people are having a hard time processing a loss or disappointment because they do not want to let go. Why would anyone choose to hold on to the pain, you may ask? Well, there is sometimes a strange comfort found in a state of holding on. When our world feels upside down and the future seems uncertain, we tend to hold on to the familiarity of the past, of the life we once knew.
The energy of such an ongoing state of silent pain soon becomes an imbalance in the throat chakra and blocks our ability to heal. The throat chakra plays a very big part, because it is our energy center of truth, the seat of our power to communicate our free will and talk about our true feelings.
Suppressed mental and emotional pain in time manifests itself in our body in many debilitating ways, such as migraine headaches, stomach aches, physical discomfort and a variety of other symptoms and potential health problems. Only when the pain is addressed and processed, will it go away and will our well-being improve.
Now Is The Time To Celebrate Life!
The time has come to recognize how far we have come and celebrate the sheer joy and privilege to be alive. Although Covid-19 is still around, and I personally know several people who are just now recovering from the illness, we are in a much better position now than a year or two ago. We have a lot to be grateful for as we start to work our way towards the future.
So, let’s celebrate! While still taking appropriate precautions, it is wonderful to be able to go out again, eat in restaurants and shop inside stores. A feeling of lightness is everywhere these days, with people really appreciating the ability to get back to some semblance of normal.
I see people smiling and laughing again while they are out and about, doing their daily errands, meeting friends, and attending functions and events. It seems even strangers are friendlier and more open to positive conversation and a more optimistic outlook nowadays. What a welcome change!
It is particularly satisfying to focus on and reconnect in person with the people who are important in our lives and make us feel happy. This year Mother’s Day was especially meaningful for many of us. It is always a beautiful opportunity to showcase the love for our mothers, both those who are still with us in this life, as well as those in spirit.
However, spirit impresses on me that honoring our mothers should happen more consistently than just one day per year. Each May, many of us resolve to show our love and respect all year through. So, how are we doing so far? Are we still honoring our mothers long after her special day is over?
A quick call, some surprise flowers, a little gift for ‘no reason’ are all lovely gestures that don’t take a lot of time or money, but can mean the world to mom, or stepmom, grandma or other maternal role-models who have touched our lives.
The Gift Of Kindness
I was thinking today of the many beautiful acts of kindness people have shown me since my husband passed away last year. And then, some song lyrics from the movie, The Sound of Music, came to mind:
Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good.
Yes, perhaps I did some good somewhere in my life, and now I am getting some of it back, tenfold, or more!
There was a period of time, after his sudden death, when it felt as if I was carried by the locals here in Spain. I was pretty much told what to do and not just offered help. For example, when I got the news of his passing from the policeman who answered his phone at the car crash scene, I immediately went on ‘autopilot’ and attempted to cancel a coffee date I had with one of my best friends. But she simply said, “I am coming, you aren’t going alone to the scene. I am going with you!” And then she saw to everything. I was unable to speak in any language at that point, and fortunately she took over.
Christmas and New Year followed, and again my friend told me, in no uncertain terms: you are going to be with me and my family during this period. I began finding reasons and excuses as to why I might not be able to get to their home, including a possibility of snow, which had us housebound for a few days a couple of years prior. But, they were having none of that. My friend’s husband said, “My tractor will reach you whatever the weather!”
Post-death paperwork is messy in a foreign country. Red tape and bureaucracy can be a nightmare in Spain, if there is no last will and testament! Once again, I was given months of unconditional help by friends and neighbors, as we went from one government department to another to sort out complications. Even the lawyers assisting with the car insurance policy, which went above and beyond their pro bono role in the arrangements. They would accept no further payment, but were delighted when I gifted them each some Doreen Virtue angel cards in Spanish.
Clouds Of Love Over The Rainbow Bridge
Yesterday, at sunrise, I was driving my cat to the veterinarian’s consulting room. Approximately fifteen minutes into our journey, there was a beautiful rainbow ahead. With little traffic on the road at that early hour, I could ponder its splendor. Then, my thoughts drifted to the Rainbow Bridge and all my beloved pets that have crossed that bridge to the Other Side.
I thought of each one of the special furry souls that have graced my life with their presence over the years. I felt such a strong telepathic communication with each one of them in that moment. Finally, I thought of the little one who most recently passed, and the love and lessons we shared.
Then I ‘heard’…and what about me? At that very moment, I noticed two large cloud formations had formed in the sky that resembled the front and the back view of my little dog, Nel. The shape and detail of the clouds were exactly like her!
Nel was a special part of my life and her passing very traumatic, especially since she died so young. Was I meant to miss her in my thoughts so she could come through as such a beautiful vision? I may never know the answer to that, but I do know what I witnessed was profound and very real.
So much has been written about the Rainbow Bridge. Yesterday, it all seemed highly relevant, because the day before setting out to the vet, I had been arranging some memorabilia on new shelves in my home that showcase pictures of all my pets who crossed over rainbow bridge. It is on display with some trinkets that remind me of them, like name tags and pretty boxes with their ashes I had not yet sprinkled.
Learning To Check In With Spirit
It is likely you have a friend, co-worker or relative that is in an unhealthy or even abusive relationship. We all know people who are kind, sweet, giving, and thoughtful, who become involved with emotionally absent, dysfunctional, abusive partners.
I know someone who is currently in such a situation. Her loving nature and generosity far exceeds anything I have ever experienced in another person, and I count myself exceptionally lucky to have her as my friend.
We have known each other for many years, but have only recently developed a much closer relationship, because we have both experienced a deep loss in recent years. Grief and bereavement becomes somewhat more tolerable if one has a close friendship in which you can safely express and share your sorrow.
Judging by my friend’s gentle, kind nature one might expect she would be with a life partner who has similar traits and appreciates her, but shockingly she is in one of the most toxic relationships I have ever encountered. She is not being physically assaulted, but she is subjected to unbearable verbal and emotional abuse.
It has been going on for a very long time. I continue to offer her my unconditional love and support but feel at a loss beyond that. I have asked her why she is still in that situation with so very little to indicate there will ever be any miraculous changes? But she has always evaded these questions.
Recently, she finally confessed her reason for staying with him: she is worried about what people might think and say if she leaves him! I asked her what people? She replied, her friends and family. They might find fault with her for breaking up the family.
How To Heal Your Broken Heart
In the 1960’s Roy Orbison belted out the song, It’s Over. Even at four years of age, it stirred my emotions hearing it on the radio. In 1984, I heard the exact same words from a man I very much loved and believed to be ‘the one.’ Thankfully, he was not, but that is another story.
He turned to me and said, “We’re not a good match.”
I remember that moment as if it were yesterday. My heart jumped and my knees turned to jelly. I felt so lost and alone, as well as almost every other negative emotion possible…from anger and hurt, to frustration and hopelessness. All these emotions coursed through my body like a freight train.
How was I going to cope without him in my life? What will become of me? What do I do now that it is over?
At 24 years of age, I did not have much experience dealing with loss, disappointment, and grief as I do today. Today, as a practicing psychic with many years of professional experience, I would offer my younger self the following spiritual advice regarding healing a broken heart.
Acknowledge
I believe we can also mourn the living, just as much as we grieve for someone who has passed away. Indeed, acknowledging finality, in whatever form the finality presents itself, can be a challenging thing to do, especially if you are emotionally involved with someone. That said, it is much better than holding onto false hope, which is far worse. Continue reading