News and Views From The Psychic Access Community

selflessness

Spirit Says You Can’t Please Everyone

click for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comI have learned that people-pleasing is something that one simply cannot do. People must learn to do it for themselves. We cannot please everyone all of the time, and some people will never be satisfied anyway, no matter how much time, energy and love we offer them. They are simply not ever going to be happy, no matter what. Period.

I can think of various situations where one might feel the need to coddle and people-please those we love and care for, but in the end it will only bring us self dis-ease and stress.

For example, the child who tries to please and be there and do everything for the parent. Why is this a bad idea? Well, the parent may give up if their child tries to do everything for them. Especially if they are older and trying to find themselves and re-establish their own life, after taking care of everyone else their whole life.

Sometimes we can smother an ageing parent with kindness, by trying to do too much for them. When we do this, it makes them second guess their ability to do things for themselves. It may even cause them to worry, have anxiety, or become fearful of living.

It is good to be there for one’s elderly parents, however there is a line that can be crossed if we try and do too much and make them feel like they cannot do certain things anymore. Sure, if their driver’s license has been taken from them, for example, and they cannot see well anymore, then obviously driving them places makes sense. But, if they are still able to function normally, then let them!

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The War Veteran’s Belongings

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comIt is sad when someone dies and there is no one around to pick up the pieces; no one there to take care of one’s belongings.

There was an old man who lived in the same building as one of my clients. After the he had passed away, all of his belongings ended up scattered all over the communal storage area in the basement. The boxes had been ripped open and kicked around, and people just picked though his things and looted whatever they wanted, leaving the rest in a chaotic mess.

My client felt bad about this, because when she came upon this pilfered disarray, she noticed some items among his belongings  indicating that he was a Vietnam war veteran, including a baseball cap with many pins on it, which he obviously had worked hard for. There were also many cards that people had sent him, thanking him for the gifts he brought back from Hawaii.

He had clearly been a good person, but those that lived in this building with him regarded him as a busy body who was always meddling in other people’s business. Only after he was no longer there did people begin to realize how many things he got accomplished and how many things he had actually taken care of on everyone’s behalf.

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Self-Care Is Not Selfish

click for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comEmpaths are givers first and foremost. Loyal, sometimes to a fault, and fiercely protective of those they care about… moving at lightning speed whenever called upon.

So, when I say to an empath that it may be time to put themselves first, the response is often mixed. But, if putting yourself first seems too selfish or too difficult, try something simpler: at least put yourself on an equal footing with those you love and care for.

For many sensitive and highly intuitive people, self-care must be an acquired behavior… and it’s a big one. Empaths intend to be selfless, to help, heal and facilitate those they care about. Wonderful! But remember, if this is your goal, then begin with yourself. The stronger, healthier and happier you are then the more effective, nurturing and supportive you can be to those around you.

Putting yourself first doesn’t mean that you are doing only what you want to do all the time, and it doesn’t mean that you are suddenly going to ignore those you care about. What it does mean is making it a priority to take care of your own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs. This can be a tall order and quite the task for some empaths. Don’t wait until you are in a meltdown… frustrated  and snapping at everything and everyone around you, with little or no provocation.

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Pay Attention Only To Your Soul’s Intent

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comMay I have your complete attention please? I certainly hope not. No one should ever have your full attention. You ‘pay attention’ to yourself, alone. Never, ever, ever in a million billion trillion years are you to give over to another human being your undivided attention, especially if their words are of flattery, praise or exaltation

Exactly what would that entail? Allowing someone else to intrude, violate, impose, and infringe upon the precious sacred theme of your own inviolate mind would be nothing short of blasphemy.

The sanctified domain of your mind is hallowed! Exempt from another’s influence, coercion and derelict impression, your sacred sphere of impenetrable authority is off limits to the invasion of others, no matter their usurped weight and supposed depth of knowledge.

“But, I know what’s good for you,” they might say. Well, chicken squat! No one ever possesses the gift of directed guidance for your particular life. Truth can only be hinted at and never fully expressed. No one is without a self-aggrandized intent of gallows’ ploy.

If you feel someone is using mental intimidation, emotional hyperbole, such as love, hate, guilt, regret, responsibility, respect, adulation, and so forth, as ultimatums, rest assured these worn out blatant tactics are nothing but manipulative water poles to navigate themselves through a river way of shaky unsettled waters.

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Maintaining A Lasting, Loving Relationship

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comWe’ve all seen couples who have been together for many years. How do they make it last? Any relationship just beginning will feel magical when it’s in the infatuation stage. But when that’s gone, what then?

Whether it’s a friendship or a long-term partnership, keeping and maintaining a good relationship is generally a lot harder than the fairytale myth of ‘happily ever after.’ But it doesn’t have to be with the basic elements that enable relationships to stand the test of time.

Mutual Respect

Mutual respect is something everyone appreciates. Everyone loves to feel wanted, respected and loved. Avoid belittling or bullying your partner or friend, and don’t compare them negatively to yourself, or someone else. Respecting differences helps is to better see someone else’s point of view. Respect is a two-way street: don’t take too much and don’t expect someone else to give more than their fair share.

Relationships which endure are based in real love and respect. If you’ve been with someone for five years, or for 50, remind yourself why you fell in love with them in the first place. Have date nights and tell the other person that you love and respect them.

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Are You An Enabler?

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comAre you an enabler? Enablers come in all forms. I was one. I did it to my children. I was a single mother, and guilt motivates us to think we are doing the right thing, when in fact we are only crippling the recipient. I was also a child enabled by my parents, and the road to get my head straight was long and painful. They didn’t want to say no, so being brought up in an environment where everything is handed to you as a child, creates a crippled adult.

The television series My 600-lb Life, is a good example in my opinion. The people featured in the show are basically hostages in their own beds, due to their obesity. And each and every one of them is enabled by loved ones, family or friends bringing them more, and more unhealthy food. These people cannot go to the store themselves anymore, and yes, they may have eaten their way to where they are, but with the help of their enablers they are continuing to gradually destroy themselves. Is this really the answer? Because they love them and they can’t take that person being mad at them?

I’ve seen this with parent-child relationships. Guilt often compels the giving parent to give, until they bleed, and teaches the child that all they have to do is protest or create a drama, and they get their way. The results can be devastating.

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Empath Recovery From A Relationship With A Narcissist

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comI wrote a previous article about the phenomenon of empaths having a dangerous attraction to, and engaging in toxic relationships with narcissists. I have since been asked how the empath can more easily break away from such a relationship with a narcissist.

I am sorry to have to say, in my experience there is no surefire way to effortlessly sever such a connection. At least none that I am aware of. The connection between these two seemingly opposing forces is indeed a complicated one, since each of them serves the other with complimentary personality traits. Ending the connection is usually traumatic and detrimental to the empath.

Empaths seem to dive head first into ‘soul sucking.’ They are instinctively drawn to emotionally and mentally toxic relationships with narcissistic partners. It is the nature of the empath to try and heal those who are emotionally, mentally and even physically wounded. And too often the empath will commit almost unconditionally to this task.

The narcissist, however, lacks the ability to empathize with others and acts on their own selfish feelings of grandiosity and self-inflated ego. They serve only themselves and their need for attention and adoration. Their loyalty only lies where it is most beneficial to them. They are therefore capable of tremendous levels of deceit and manipulation. They will abuse the empath both mentally or physically to gain control over nearly every aspect of the empath’s life. They make the entire relationship solely about themselves and their needs.

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