intimacy
Conscious Conflict Resolution
Dealing with tension and conflict is one of the most challenging dynamics in friendships and relationships. We have all found ourselves in a shouting match with someone we love, or concluding an argument feeling awful and unresolved.
Getting to the root of an issue without all the drama sometimes feels impossible. But conflict resolution is a skill, and one that can be honed with practice and patience.
The following strategies are helpful in shifting from overreaction to consciously seeking resolution when faced with difficult conversations or conflict scenarios.
Pause For Self-Awareness
Pause and identify what you are feeling. Step back from the feeling and merely observe it, as well as any thoughts that come along with the feeling.
Recognize that ‘you’ are not the feeling; it is a simply a sensation you are experiencing. Often people will say they are ‘angry,’ but words are powerful and this indicates that you have identified with the anger. You are actually saying: ‘I am anger.’
Do not choose to ‘be anger.’ You are merely experiencing anger. Shifting this mindset can help to separate your rational mind, from the emotional sensation of anger (or hurt, or whatever feeling you may be experiencing).
Once you are able to observe your emotions and thoughts in this way, it becomes much easier to avoid reacting from them. By not reacting, you give yourself the opportunity to think about your response first, and consciously choose your course of action.
The Powerful Practice Of Eye Gazing
Eye gazing, also known as ‘soul gazing,’ is a powerful meditative practice that can be done on your own, or with a partner. Eye gazing is an ancient tantric practice of looking deeply into someone’s eyes to foster a spiritual connection.
Eye gazing is a potent means of connecting with yourself and others to build genuine connection in your life. It is also an exciting way to build meaningful intimacy with a romantic partner. If you have trouble opening up to others, eye gazing can be an effective tool to help you get comfortable and confront any fears you may have around being seen. It can be done alone, with a friend, or with a romantic partner.
It is also a powerful tool for discovering how past lives may be helping or hindering you in your current incarnation, and for receiving messages directly from Spirit. It can be used as a method for communication with your guides and higher self.
Anyone can eye gaze, and I feel everyone should try it at least once! Whether you do it alone or with a partner, eye gazing can offer some profound insight and create potent shifts in our perspective that allow you to break limiting patterns in your life.
Eye gazing requires no special equipment or paraphernalia to set the mood, although it can be pleasant to light some incense or candles if desired. You can also use music but ensure that it is meditative, gentle, instrumental music without lyrics that will not distract you. The only thing you really need is a timer, as well as a partner, or mirror if you are gazing by yourself.
Typically, I encourage people to start gazing for just a few minutes at a time, but as you become more comfortable you can certainly increase the length of your gazes.
Tune Into The Guidance Of Your Emotions
I believe our emotions are an additional ‘sense’ we use as a means of interpreting our life experiences, in the same way the normal five senses enable us to perceive and understand the world around us. Our ‘emotional sense’ help us make decisions about our preferences all the time.
For example, I love chocolate. My sense of taste tells me that chocolate is for me! It’s a very clear and obvious signal from my taste buds to my brain. We receive and process stimuli all the time and our senses help us to ‘make sense’ of that input.
Your emotions are also giving you information about your preferences and if we listen and pay attention, we can gain a lot of guidance from it. Our emotions don’t just come from nowhere. They arise in direct response to stimuli or input, just like our senses do.
I have also heard emotions described as an internal guidance system, or our inner compass, which helps us decide what we want to create more of, and less of, in our life. We sometimes get confused though, because just like the other senses, we have different preferences.
For example, some people love coconut desserts, but I detest then. Not thanks, keep your coconut out of my chocolate! The thing is, I’m not confused about the fact that I don’t like coconut. I also don’t feel I have to change my preference because other people love coconut. And I also don’t force myself to eat it, just to make other people happy.
When one of our five physical senses tells us something we tend to listen, because it’s visceral. We feel it undeniably in the body. Emotions are no different!
When you are heartbroken, do you not feel it in your chest as a physical pain? When you are embarrassed, do your cheeks or ears not become flushed? Or how about when someone you love hugs you so warm and deliciously, all your muscles just ‘melt’ into that person? These are all physical responses the accompany our emotions.
Your Sacred Creative Energy
One of the most powerful and sacred energies we have is our located in our Sacral Chakra, the seat of our sexual and creative energy. This chakra is located just underneath the navel and associated with the color orange.
Orange is the most creative color. I always recommend to my clients who are struggling to design, paint, sculpt, write, choreograph, compose, manifest, or get pregnant, to introduce as much orange in their life as possible. This means wearing orange, decorating your art studio with orange, and even eating oranges and carrots and other orange-colored foods!
Nothing is more powerful or important in life than to create another life. To create a new opportunity for soul growth. To give access to another being to be able to use the planet for spiritual growth. For this reason, our sexual energy and creative energy are intertwined.
When a client tells me they are having a hard time writing their book or completing an art project, I always look into what is happening in there romantic and sex life. Usually there is a problem in this aspect of their life. For example, an unhealthy sexual relationship involving abuse or perversion will stifle someone’s creative energy.
It is vital to know that every person you are sexually intimate with will leave a residue of their energy with you and take some of yours. Sex creates an energy cord between your and the other person. If this is not a healthy sexual exchange, then it may become both energetically and karmically toxic.
The abuse of our own sexuality, as well as the sexual abuse of others, can damage our creative energy. Abuse it, and you will lose it. Sexual trauma is stored in the body and can cause reproductive, psychological and creative damage. Sexual trauma as an adult, or in our childhood, needs a lot of work and time, and sometimes expert guidance, in order to heal.
The Soul Future Of Past Relationships
To outward appearances, endings are a structural matter – now there is a relationship, now there is no relationship. From the soul point of view, ending is a different experience of the relationship.
Ending is not literal at all, but rather a radical shift in imagination. For example, a woman’s father passes on. In her soul the relationship may now intensify and may become the dominant myth shaping her other relationships, her career, and every other aspect of her life.
Memories of her father may now become more vivid than ever, and new feelings may surface. He may be more influential in her life now than when he was alive.
Another example might be a man who divorces his wife, thinking that now his thoughts will turn toward a new life. With the struggle of decision and separation now passed, feelings formerly nudged out of awareness now come to the forefront.
Completely unexpectedly, he now has dreams of her seducing him, suggesting that in some way ‘she’ now has renewed desired for him. Years later, he says what many people say: “I didn’t have to go through that divorce. If only I had known then what I know now…”
Apparently there is something in every relationship that is eternal, that goes on forever, and that wants to be exempted from the life-decision to cut ties. If you are experiencing this, it is not your imagination. You are simply being quite human.
Obviously, our relationships are not as simple or as limited in scope as we sometimes like to think them to be. There are only so many people we come to know in a lifetime, and an even smaller number with whom we live intimately. Continue reading
A Sweetening Ritual To Rekindle Your Love
The traditional love spell is a metaphysical practice that is ill-advised and extremely selfish, because it aims to influence and interfere with someone else´s free will. This is never a good idea. The endulzamiento or ‘sweetening’ ritual, also known as a ‘honey jar spell,’ is a better and safer alternative.
A sweetening has similar aims as a love spell, but its mechanism is very different. It is a simple act that seeks to attract higher, more positive energy to your relationship. It´s about finding a better way for both you and your partner. It aims to improve communication and find the best in each-other. In essence one can describe it as ‘kindness magic.’
A sweetening not only enhances positive feelings and attitudes in the relationship, but also seeks to remove all negative feelings and attitudes. For this reason, a sweetening is always considered to be a good metaphysical strategy when difficulties and conflicts are causing damage in your relationship.
Execute a sweetening when you feel you need to save your relationship, or when you want to reawaken the feelings and get the renewed attention of that someone special in your life.
Many people forget what a passionate, intimate, warm and satisfying relationship is like. I have seen many couples wear themselves out with routine, complacency, getting stuck in a rut and taking each other for granted. In time it leads to boredom, emotional exhaustion, unwanted tension, and conflict at every turn.
As it happens gradually, we typically do not notice the decline of passion in our relationships, and we get used to living with a second-rate version of our original love. That initial loving feeling tends to grow cold with the passing of the months and years. A sweetening ritual is the perfect recipe to recover the nature and quality of that original relationship.
Home Is Still Where The Heart Is
This is a traumatic, stressful time in history for many of us, especially since there is so much confusing news and information to process and assimilate. We can, however, do a number of things during this extremely stressful period to make our lives easier, instead of cowering under the bed until it all blows over. Most importantly, we can choose to face reality with gratitude, courage and fortitude.
There should be precautions put into place certainly, but also there should be some joy and happiness, as well as planning for the future. We should be taking advantage of this blissful and happy downtime inside the place where we usually love, hope and live – inside our personal domicile, our home.
Never before have we had such ample opportunity to get to know our loved ones in a more intimate and connected way. Never before have we been reminded so deeply of the many reasons we have to be thankful for. This is a unique time in our lives, during which we can teach our children, as well as each other, that what appears to be a bleak and dire moment can certainly be turned around and changed into one of joy, appreciation and merriment.
Instead of sitting around feeling miserable, many parents have, for example, been contriving makeshift toys, contraptions and activities to help children continue to be happy and carefree, as they should be, whether it be indoors, or in their own backyard.
There are also many adults who are taking advantage of this ‘alone time’ to reconnect, not only with others whom they may have been unintentionally neglecting, but also getting to know and understand themselves on a deeper level.