self-delusion
Releasing A Toxic Relationship
Many of us have held onto a toxic relationship (which includes friendships) because of our mind trying to convince us that it will change. It will get better. I can fix this other person. I will wait for this other person to realize what they have in me. This person is my soulmate, I know it. This person is the only one, there will never be another.
So many excuses, so little truth.
It will not change. If a relationship or a friendship is toxic today, yes, it will change and become more toxic as the days, weeks and months pass.
It will not get better. You are trying to convince yourself it will get better with time with someone, when they finally start to realize that you are there no matter what. This is a huge misconception. Toxic relationships cannot change and the loss will be harder the longer you hold onto this person.
You cannot ‘fix’ your partner. No one can fix another person. No one can change another person. Each individual has to do their own work to clear the toxic or damaged parts of themselves. They have to do it for themselves, or it will never last.
How To Trust Your Spiritual Teacher
If you have a spiritual teacher, how do you know you can trust her? Weren’t you told to trust yourself first? Wait, how do you know you can trust your therapist, or even your doctor? Especially with all the sexual assault cases coming to light these days, it is scary to think that someone who is supposed to be your protector, care-giver, or mentor will use that position to manipulate you into a situation that is abusive, sometime violently abusive. Thinking about this can be horrifying, but so is not thinking about it.
What about the idea ‘trust yourself’? The problem with just trusting yourself is that if you grew up in an alcoholic, drug-abusing, violent family, or in some of the more subtle dysfunctional family dynamics, such as having a narcissistic or wounded parent, your radar for self-care is damaged. You do not yet have the skills to discern what is healthy for you. Your brain and nervous system is literally wired for dysfunction as your default normal setting. This means you will choose the dysfunction you know, because it is all you know. You will seek out an alcoholic lover; or you will find jobs with narcissistic bosses, for example.
Finding Your Perfectly Imperfect Partner
All too often single people are guilty of trying to find the perfect person, our better halves, our soulmate match. Unless you have never dated before or are extremely unique, we have all gone through a few relationships that have not worked out. These failed relationships leave wounds in our hearts and scars that come from being hurt. They leave us with lessons carved deep into our souls.
I do not see these relationship experiences as ‘failures.’ I believe they are trials. My mother always used to say, dating guys is like trying on shoes. Not to trivialize dating, but you get the idea? Shoes have to fit well for them to be reliable and comfortable. You don’t buy shoes that don’t fit you, unless you plan on being constantly uncomfortable.
Healing Through Radical Self-Forgiveness
There’s no getting around the fact that we’re our own worst critics. There has been much written on the subject of forgiving others, but what about forgiving ourselves? This is the first and most crucial step to real, lasting, healthy self-love.
The roots of the pain many of us feel are guilt and shame – the knowledge that we have wronged or hurt someone else, and the lasting fallout resulting in self-harm. Guilt is sometimes a catalyst to change behavior, but shame often comes with long-term effects, such as negative thinking patterns, self-harming behavior such as addiction, depression or anxiety, and self-sabotage.
Over long periods shame is like a poison in our bloodstream which touches every aspect of our lives. But it doesn’t have to last! There is a healthy way to overcome the legacies of shame and guilt, and it all starts with compassion.
Needing The Love Of A Spiritual Teacher
The love of a spiritual teacher is not human love and this is often misunderstood in our Western culture. Many people are drawn to spirituality because they are profoundly lonely. For those looking for the love of a teacher, you can count on that loneliness to be a profoundly unconscious desire to be connected to the Self and to Spirit.
On a dangerous note, this is how cult leaders thrive, by preying on those who don’t realize they are seeking spiritual love, and by offering a manipulative human love. Human love can never fill the gaping hole, and because cult leaders tend to be sociopaths, it can take years for cult followers to wake up. By then there will be a great deal of damage control needed in order to heal.
Tarot Cards And Toxic Relationships
If intuition is the foundation for being a psychic, then divination tools are like putting on glasses to see the details. Tarot cards can reveal a person’s real intentions and provide a bigger picture into any situation that requires clarity.
When I use the Tarot for a love or relationship reading, I look for specific cards or combinations that show harmony or growth within the relationship or person. Here is a list of cards that typically catch my eye as major red flags, or signal that the connection between two people may be toxic.
The Magician
This card can be positive when surrounded by complimentary cards, but it can indicate that the person you’re interested may be charming… but manipulative. I often see this show up when someone only wants to do what they want, or when they want to be with multiple people. Continue reading
Psychic Predictions Are Potentialities
I have had readings with psychics and mediums that are considered the best of the best, and some of their information and predictions did not always work out so well. But I have always understood from a spiritual perspective that this is something that can happen from time to time.
People usually contact a psychic or medium for reading because they have questions and concerns. They are looking for answers, for guidance and support. Most people are looking for advice and closure in times of strife or turmoil – to give them hope that the sun will indeed rise again tomorrow. Of course, many people also hope to receive predictions about future outcomes.