self-delusion
Dealing With Depression
Why are depressed people often considered a ‘downer’? To feel depressed is one of the most scorned, stigmatized emotions. Why, one has to wonder? I believe part of the reason is that people are uncomfortable being around someone who suffers from depression. Again, why? Are they maybe so unstable in their own façade of happiness that being around a depressed person will somehow set them off, tipping the balance in their fragile construction of superficial happiness?
Maybe the discomfort is due to others feeling compelled to ‘help’… only to end up feeling angry, frustrated or helpless around the depressed person, because they just don’t know how to be of any real assistance. This attempt at ‘helping’ is usually aimed at getting rid of the depression, but in truth an important part of real help is simple acceptance.
If one is truly centered, it usually does not matter if another is depressed or angry. Dealing with someone else’s depression is simply like accepting the weather. You wear a raincoat if you have to go out, or you simply stay inside and wait for the storm to settle.
Various genetic, social and environmental factors can affect mood and cause depression. Poverty, abusive relationships, family violence, addiction, toxic environments, including food additives and air pollution (including off-gassing), can all be factors in causing depression, as well as weight gain, anxiety, sexual dysfunction, and so on.
The Confusion Of Psychic Bingeing
Have you ever had a life question weighing on you so heavily, that you have called several psychics trying to get the same answer, or some new information? Do you ever call different psychic readers and ask the same question over and over? And when you don’t get the same answer from everyone, do you start to doubt their readings? This bingeing approach to consulting psychics is a road to disaster, and extreme confusion.
I am usually concerned when someone calls me, after they have asked several other psychics the same question. I ask myself if the client is attempting to get the answer they want, or are they just so desperate that they are looking for something that fits? I sometimes hear, “Well, another psychic told me that he was coming back to me.” Or, “Another psychic told me that I would get the job, and now you are telling me I won’t?”
Sometimes what we want to hear is not necessarily the truth, neither is it always what would be good for us to hear. I understand why some people feel the need to go from one psychic to another, shopping for the ‘best answers.’ Usually the caller’s question is just very painful to deal with, and they want to be comforted, or at least just heard on a deeper level. This is very understandable. But consulting so many different psychics with diverse styles and varying approaches to reading, can lead to confusion and obsession, even dependency, and sometimes a reckless expense of one’s hard-earned money.
When Your Man Is Not Ready To Commit
I often hear how wonderful the guy is that she is dating… if only he would commit to taking their relationship to the next level! If a woman is not satisfied with the way things are going and what she is getting from the relationship, should she continue to wait for him?
By patiently waiting for him against your better judgment, he only learns that he can get away with his lack of commitment, especially if he feels comfortable with what he is getting from the relationship. This way a pattern is formed.
So, how do you avoid wasting some of the best years of your life waiting on a guy that is never going to commit? well, right from the start you tell him what your looking for and what your expectations are. But handle it carefully, after all you don’t want to scare him away before things even get off the ground!
But do let him know how you feel about dating, long-term relationships, commitment, marriage, children, and whatever else may be important to you. This will inform him, so that you have a better shot at being on the same page. If he starts to make excuses, or says that he is not interested in a long-term commitment, at least not right now, then accept his words as the truth.
The Power Of Observation
In this busy world we rarely take the time to observe things around us. Most people see and feel things only through their own personal lens. Of course, it is only normal to identify with your own feelings and the things you have seen, heard or experienced. But sometimes so much of what we believe as reality is the only way we will accept it. It is necessary in some situations to take a step back and observe a situation, look at all sides of it and try to remain neutral.
I have worked with some clients in my hypnosis practice who just can’t seem to look at a situation from a different perspective. It is much easier for people to observe someone that looks much like them on a television screen playing out a scenario. They may see, feel even hear things that could not be recalled at the time of the event. Another way is to view the scene in a different way in order to rewrite the script to achieve a different outcome by observing. The incident with a different outcome may show the possibility of different realities.
For example, when there is a car accident and four or five people witness and observe it. When questioned, the people usually all have a very different account of what happened. Through their own personal lenses they believe it as gospel. But is it really?
Creating Space Between Yourself And The Addict
Everybody needs a little time away. Some of us need much longer. I personally know people who have been together for decades, who have found the best way for them to stay together is to give each other some space.
But some of us need even more space than others, especially those of us who are with people who struggle with substance abuse in some way, shape or form. Spirit says that you can still love someone with addiction issues, but you might need some space and time away for your own well-being. I feel strongly that it is unhealthy to stay with someone if they have an addiction, because it does not contribute to peace in the body, mind, spirit, or the home in which you dwell.
Those that have to live with someone who abuses alcohol or drugs, know how hard it can be to have a meaningful conversation or healthy relationship with that person. The energy is always of a lower vibration. And children caught up in those situations have to feel it more than the adults, who may have learned to put up a shield of protection.
We must create a space between us and the addict, in order to keep peace and harmony in the home, for ourselves and those we love and care about. Keeping a peaceful home is a responsibility not only to ourselves, but to those who we are responsible for.
Forget Self-Love
If you are wounded or unhealed; if you grew up in a dysfunctional family; if you grew up in an environment of poverty, violence, racism, or sexual assault… forget self-love! Seriously. Where on Earth would you have learned the skills for giving yourself some healthy self-love? You will be shooting in the dark trying to do something that you have never seen modeled for you, and never really experienced.
‘Self-love’ has become an overrated marketing slogan to sell self-improvement products and services. Start instead with self-care. This will be difficult enough. If you have children, think back on how complex it was figuring out how to care for your first born. The same concept applies to owning your first pet as an adult. No matter how much you prepared, you were never truly prepared. You made mistakes and you learned from them.
You also discovered that sometimes caring for your child meant doing things that the child did not like, or even hated. Your child would cry, fight, throw a tantrum, while you tried to keep him away from the hot stove, or from putting something harmful in her mouth.
Learning self-care is similar to raising a child or caring for a puppy. However, you will be the child and Spirit will be the parent. You will make mistakes and you will resist, because some of the things you currently think are acts of self-care are actually harmful to you. Continue reading
True Love Comes Full Circle
When you feel a love connection with someone, why don’t things just automatically fall into place? Shouldn’t falling in love be easy and simple? For most, it is not, and the reasons vary.
A child only instinctively knows to fear falling and loud noises. Everything else is taught to us by our parents, culture, education system, media, and authority figures in our community. They are the ones that put values upon us, teaching us what is important, and what is not. Whether you agree with them or not, you absorb it, and more often than not mimic it. I often hear people say “I am nothing like my mother and father!” And yet, they emulate traits of their parents, especially the ones they dislike the most.
Love should be easy, but when it is not, perhaps it is because you have some work to do yourself. We co-create our relationships. If it is toxic, we each have a role. Difficult relationships are challenging and we all go through them – some more than others. I myself walked into an extremely toxic relationship thinking it was going to be an epic romance!