self-delusion
The Truth About Long-Lasting Relationships
The fact that we struggle to navigate our romantic relationships remains a topic of never-ending debate. Many of us are involved, entangled, enmeshed in some type of complicated, and sometimes confusing, relationship. Whether these relationships are satisfying or not, our mental, physical, emotional state is usually somewhat determined, or at least influenced by the nature and health of these precarious unions.
Many of us involved in some form of romantic relationship, often feel the constant tug and pull of its nebulous contradictions and challenges. Though the words are not always verbally expressed, the ensuing tension often results from a lack of intimacy that can only be created through authenticity and open communication.
Most people, however, interpret sexual closeness as the culminating epitome of true intimacy. But unless one is also able to openly communicate and authentically connect on other levels, even the most dazzling sex life will fizzle out eventually – and often sooner than later.
Sex alone never sustains a meaningful, long-lasting relationship! No matter how exciting or mutually satisfying it may be. Using sex as a clear, reinforcing sign that a relationship is going to endure, is never a reliable barometer.
An ‘Awareness Yawn’ For The Whole Truth
The majority of human beings believe they tell the truth most of the time. Few will admit they lie. And none will disclose just how often, when, and how they twist the truth ‘a little’ to suit their needs. They convince themselves they are not really lying, when they know very well that their distorted versions of the truth are deceptive.
We are curious creatures. Adept at swindling ourselves to favor a certain idolized self-image we have created. One that we must maintain consistently in as much as our sovereign power allows. Hah! How utterly ridiculous and futile are our attempts to portray an untruth so vividly transparent. We can’t hide from our true self, for that’s who we live and die with.
It’s all a matter of unconscious perception. An awareness yawn would serve to do the trick of waking us up, but we’re simply not interested, especially if it involves ‘disturbing our self-indulgent illusions.’ We want to continue to believe how wonderful, well-informed, funny, intelligent, attractive, spiritually evolved, dedicated, hard-working, honest, caring, decent, committed and interested we are.
We walk around as if we not only have an ace up our sleeve (an extra added edge), but can make it magically appear at will. We sincerely think no one can see through our considerately, deceptively masked, incognito ‘what’s in it for me’ personality.
These deceptively constructed guises are particularly prevalent when we are entering into new relationships. That’s when we really put on the ‘dog and pony show.’ We come across so deliberately ‘put together’ and manicurely maintained. It matters not, if that ‘face of the hour’ is nowhere near the panoramic view of incalculable distortion occurring on the inside. We are on a personal quest; we want something. And, nothing will deter us from our conquest.
Who Are You, And What Do You Really Want?
Do you have any genuine idea who you really are, and what it is you want ‘more than anything in the whole wide world?’ Most people don’t have a clue. They think they do, but they are as far removed from the truth of what constitutes their innate being of actual contentment as a doughnut is in wholesome nutrient composition.
If you don’t know who you are, you can’t possibly begin to imagine what you absolutely want. Without knowing who you really are, you may have lived your entire life under falsely embellished suppositions, firmly influenced ideas, fearfully established goals, and fastidiously monitored aspirations of others. Instead of following your own heart’s desire, you may be living out the unfulfilled dreams of others, as a means of pacifying their deeply-unresolved natures.
Unfortunately, we carry within our own psyches the uninvited, infiltrated voices of countless people who have ever made an impact on us, and continue to do so. It matters not whether the impact is negative or positive, those influential voices prevail.
Restlessness, body weight issues, promiscuity, boredom, depression, anger, loneliness, lying and lawlessness, health concerns, and substance abuse and addiction, whether it be alcohol, drugs, food, sex, shopping, social media, or simply gossip, are all verifiable barometers of not knowing who you are and what you want. When we are not in-tune with the ‘still small voice’ that resides within the deepest recesses of our psyche, we manufacture a superficial existence of continued disappointment.
The Truth About ‘Twin Flames’
If you are confused about the spiritual concept of ‘twin flames’ and ‘soulmates,’ you’re not alone. Perhaps, I can shed some light on this very misunderstood subject.
I could never have understood or imagined it myself either, until I found myself going through the ‘madness’ myself, over 20 years ago. If you have never gone through a so-called twin flame experience, you won’t understand it. It’s a romantic connection like no other! But the biggest lesson I learned for it is that it is also no reason to stay in a toxic relationship.
My twin flame relationship was highly important to me, regardless of it being a one-way street. I meant so much to me that I ended up travelling to Mumbai, India, to obtain advice and assistance from a highly skilled gurugi (spiritual teacher). I was convinced that she could fix things for me, since my relationship was surely ‘meant to be.’
The feelings were so intense, for me, anyway. And, I was convinced that my beloved’s feelings for me were of the same exquisite level. In fact, I had no idea or any way of gauging otherwise. The ultimate fantasy, right!
Further, I thought that it was up to me to heal this person that had captured my heart. It seemed to me the more painful the relationship was, the more healing I had to do for him. As a result, I carried the entire relationship energetically, and emotionally.
For example, although I had always been a passionate ‘foodie,’ I began to look anorexic, as I continued on this healing mission for him. I was eating plenty of good food all the time, but I realize now that I was so drained, as a result of giving him so much of my energy, that it wouldn’t have mattered what, or how much I ate.
When Too-Close-For-Comfort Reveals The Truth
So, here is something new, which I have not heard before in my work: distraught clients asking for help while quarantined with their partner or spouse. For some, being cooped up with their significant other is apparently not going very well!
The circumstances that we are all going through at the moment, is forcing us to take another look at our closest relationships and see if they are meant to be long lasting, or if it is only a chapter or season in our life. Some relationships start off wonderful like a TV commercial, one minute it is heavenly, and then one day not so much.
So, let me share a recent Tarot reading I did for a gentleman, who said it helped them a lot during this too-close-for-comfort time at home with his wife. Who knows, maybe it will be of value to you too? It might just rescue your mental health, happiness and well-being…until they let the two of you out of the house again.
He said that he is a great problem-solver, but just can’t figure out how to make this marriage work. He never saw certain aspects of his wife’s personality, until he has now been forced to have to be around her for a very long extended period of time during the Covid-19 lockdown. He also admitted that sometimes it’s hard to really connect his feelings to things going on in his life, only because he “can be moody.” But we soon discovered the real truth about his toxic relationship.
In the reading, I saw that he has had many relationships in his life and he acknowledged that he had been married several times. I said that I felt it did not work out because he didn’t get the necessary support he needed from his mates in the past.
Intending And Manifesting
In-between lives we are with our guides, liberated from a physical body and all its desires and needs. We are pure energy – a soul. It is in this higher form that we carefully plan all the details of our human life, before coming to Earth.
Again, you plan all the details. Yes, all of it. You intend and manifest it all, before coming here. Why? You do this on the Other Side, with your wise guides, detached from physical, human needs and desires.
What are these desires? We have five senses. Therefore things like eating (taste and scent), sex (touch), beauty (sight), music (sound), as well as intellectual stimulation (mind) start to dominate our desires in this physical life. We start to worship money, romance, adventures, security, possessions and many other distractions. These desires are distractions, because you already decided and arranged to have wealth or poverty, a successful love life or loneliness, and many other circumstances before you came here.
You arranged your life to come here to evolve as a soul. That means some of us came here to be billionaire entrepreneurs or famous celebrities, while others came here to be unsuccessful, destitute, or even worse. Each set of circumstances is a lesson, a course of study that you came here to experience. And human desires are distractions when they are worshipped, when you pray for them, hunger for them, focus your life around them.
Personally, I have never met anyone who was working hard on manifesting world peace, or setting an intention to be a more generous or selfless person. The self-help industry offers thousands of books and workshops for people to learn to manifest money, a better love life, a career that will feed the ego. For example, I doubt anyone has ever done affirmations, or created vision boards to manifest a successful home cleaning business!
Relationships Are Transpersonal Mirrors
Relationships come in all shapes and sizes, just like people. No one relationship is ever the same, nor can it be compared to, or competed with. Every relationship is dynamic and has a plethora of unique characteristic.
Our multi-faceted, highly complex relationships define us. They mold, shift, alter, arrange, blend, extricate, cajole, and elicit both the best and worst in us. Much is entailed in the transpersonal acrobatics we set off, in order to be effective in getting what we want from others. Dare I mention, on top of all that, the clandestine involvements we keep secret?
If and when we concentrate our distorted perceptions on what we’re getting from the relationship, instead of simply ‘showing up for the gig,’ we wouldn’t miss a vitally important aspect of each relationship: the opportunity to see ourselves more truthfully and clearly. In fact, relationships are the crystal clear mirrors of who and what we truly are.
It’s too easy to get ‘hung up’ on the blinding effect of erratic dancing in the blurred shadows of external forces operating in our various, multi-layered relationships. We can, however, learn much about ourselves, should we be vested enough to add sufficient interest, inclination, effort, actual involvement and committed attention in proportions necessary to solicit hidden motives from ourselves. Then we will reap the astounding benefits of self-disclosure.
By becoming more acutely aware of the whole, perplexing, spidery-webbed picture, we render a much better receptive state of mind. This sponge-like mindset solicits an initial discovery phase, in which much of our inner motivations can be clearly seen.