self-delusion
Why Empaths Fall Victim To Narcissists
Why are narcissists and empaths often drawn to one another? This is a phenomena many of us empaths fall victim to. Which, at first, may seem odd, since empaths and narcissists are polar opposites! But, maybe that is the key? Opposites attract.
But, what’s more profound, is that the narcissist preys upon the empath’s dedication to healing those who are emotionally wounded or scarred. By nature empaths are deeply caring, compassionate people. The empath’s purpose in life is to support healing in others, yet due to their intense sensitivity, empaths often struggle to create healthy boundaries for themselves, giving in to martyrdom, victimhood, co-dependency, and chronic self-sacrifice.
An empath will do anything in their power to help or heal another. And, will not easily give up or walk away. This makes them prime targets for the narcissist.
There are different types of narcissists. But, for this article, I will discuss the most common. And, that is the Amorous Narcissist. They tend to measure their self-worth and grandiosity by how many sexual conquests they have conquered. This type of person is known for using their charm to ensnare others with attention, flattery and gifts. But, they dispose of their target once they become bored or when their needs have been served. The target typically won’t so much as get an explanation, much less a goodbye.
The Wisdom Of Forgiveness With Healthy Boundaries
We all have experienced the unease of feeling unable to forgive someone who has wronged us in some way. Sometimes it is really hard to let go of the way someone has gossiped about us, for example. It is difficult to understand why some people have the need to act the way they do, especially when these people are directly or indirectly related to us. Some families just split up and have nothing more to do with each other, because of this lack of forgiveness.
I was meditating on this one night before bed, and asked the Great Spirit to give me deeper insight and understanding on forgiveness. I had consciously made the healing decision for myself, that I will no longer share and keep space open for those who continue to do the same things to me, over and over, because it is unhealthy for me. But, I still felt the need to forgive. And I needed insight on how to do this.
The Rush Of ‘Meant to Be’
Meant to be? I don’t think so. Whether you have decided you just met your twin flame, soulmate, or your heart’s guru, if you are in a hormonal adrenalin rush you are reacting to a chemical high – and that high can mean many things. Actually, the love you feel for a true soulmate or ‘meant to be’ will never be a tornado, neither will it rock your world. Instead, it will roll in like a sunrise, many sunrises.
The energy of a true soulmate connection can be strong, but it will also definitely be soft, gradual, filled with nuances that you could not even have imagined, and therefore could not have ‘manifested.’ It is a love that is revealed to you. Not an energy that traps you in a whirlwind high.
People who rush into energy traps, will then justify the often (and usually) dramatic ending to these kind of relationships with some New Age jargon, without examining their own dysfunction, lessons learned, the hidden greed inside of them that caused the addictive response to the rush they called their “meant to be.”
Releasing A Toxic Relationship
Many of us have held onto a toxic relationship (which includes friendships) because of our mind trying to convince us that it will change. It will get better. I can fix this other person. I will wait for this other person to realize what they have in me. This person is my soulmate, I know it. This person is the only one, there will never be another.
So many excuses, so little truth.
It will not change. If a relationship or a friendship is toxic today, yes, it will change and become more toxic as the days, weeks and months pass.
It will not get better. You are trying to convince yourself it will get better with time with someone, when they finally start to realize that you are there no matter what. This is a huge misconception. Toxic relationships cannot change and the loss will be harder the longer you hold onto this person.
You cannot ‘fix’ your partner. No one can fix another person. No one can change another person. Each individual has to do their own work to clear the toxic or damaged parts of themselves. They have to do it for themselves, or it will never last.
How To Trust Your Spiritual Teacher
If you have a spiritual teacher, how do you know you can trust her? Weren’t you told to trust yourself first? Wait, how do you know you can trust your therapist, or even your doctor? Especially with all the sexual assault cases coming to light these days, it is scary to think that someone who is supposed to be your protector, care-giver, or mentor will use that position to manipulate you into a situation that is abusive, sometime violently abusive. Thinking about this can be horrifying, but so is not thinking about it.
What about the idea ‘trust yourself’? The problem with just trusting yourself is that if you grew up in an alcoholic, drug-abusing, violent family, or in some of the more subtle dysfunctional family dynamics, such as having a narcissistic or wounded parent, your radar for self-care is damaged. You do not yet have the skills to discern what is healthy for you. Your brain and nervous system is literally wired for dysfunction as your default normal setting. This means you will choose the dysfunction you know, because it is all you know. You will seek out an alcoholic lover; or you will find jobs with narcissistic bosses, for example.
Finding Your Perfectly Imperfect Partner
All too often single people are guilty of trying to find the perfect person, our better halves, our soulmate match. Unless you have never dated before or are extremely unique, we have all gone through a few relationships that have not worked out. These failed relationships leave wounds in our hearts and scars that come from being hurt. They leave us with lessons carved deep into our souls.
I do not see these relationship experiences as ‘failures.’ I believe they are trials. My mother always used to say, dating guys is like trying on shoes. Not to trivialize dating, but you get the idea? Shoes have to fit well for them to be reliable and comfortable. You don’t buy shoes that don’t fit you, unless you plan on being constantly uncomfortable.
Healing Through Radical Self-Forgiveness
There’s no getting around the fact that we’re our own worst critics. There has been much written on the subject of forgiving others, but what about forgiving ourselves? This is the first and most crucial step to real, lasting, healthy self-love.
The roots of the pain many of us feel are guilt and shame – the knowledge that we have wronged or hurt someone else, and the lasting fallout resulting in self-harm. Guilt is sometimes a catalyst to change behavior, but shame often comes with long-term effects, such as negative thinking patterns, self-harming behavior such as addiction, depression or anxiety, and self-sabotage.
Over long periods shame is like a poison in our bloodstream which touches every aspect of our lives. But it doesn’t have to last! There is a healthy way to overcome the legacies of shame and guilt, and it all starts with compassion.