self-delusion
The Dreary Room Of Unbearable, Silent Suffering
Some people spend their life as if they are trapped in a cheap motel room with drawn, yellowed shades and a ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door. Is this possibly your life too?
To ponder such an important question, to be sure, brings an illuminating insight not necessarily appreciated until consciously recognized – but not while holding a ‘passing fancy’ flippant attitude of nonchalant concern. Long-awaited release often only arrives after the slit, which has formed from those unbalanced motel drapes, offers a hint of brightness to the dreary room of denial and pretense.
Too many days of too many lives are dissipated in unexpressed anger, masked as benevolent concern. Until you come to grips with the gnawing unsettling disturbance, in your chest, you will, in no way, be able to embrace the fullness of unfulfilled potential in your life.
Raw adventure, insatiable variety, fun-loving spontaneity, and serendipitous enjoyment: words which now maybe symbolize an alien state of mind for you, are but a numbing reminder of how easily things which were so much a part of your life have slipped into another phase, which does no longer interests you in the least. In other words, could it be that you have become an unbearable bore to yourself and others?
You know how to create unending comedy in all of our endeavors, but may have forsaken the practice for a duller, somber, ‘more responsible,’ serious nature… which you feel is more appropriate and acceptable. You need to be more committed, you say, and much more dependable, in order to be happy. But, pray tell me, what has happened to your contented spirit? Where is your vivaciousness and vitality? By working so hard to achieve a specific way of producing certain results, you have deposited yourself in a sealed bank vault where there seems to be no possible method of withdrawal.
Shenpa Is Not About Getting ‘Called Out’
A true teacher offers you a path to extraordinary personal expansion, because she has no investment in praising you in your mediocrity or dysfunction, in order to help you falsely ‘feel good,’ so you will keep coming back for more. But many people find it hard, threatening, or embarrassing, to practice shenpa, even if it is coming from a teacher that loves them enough to be sometimes more committed to their advancement than they are themselves.
Shenpa is a form of mindfulness, applied to you, so you can basically call it ‘mindful self-awareness.’ It is originally a concept in Tibetan Buddhism, meaning ‘attachment’ or a place where we become ‘hooked’ or ‘stuck.’ Pema Chödrön describes shenpa as “the urge, the hook, that triggers our habitual tendency to close down. We get hooked in that moment of tightening when we reach for relief. To get unhooked, we begin by recognizing that moment of unease and learn to relax in that moment.”
In this age of ‘victim worship,’ most people have been taught and rewarded for being or praising victims, no matter what. This approach infers that the victim is a deformed, delicate, broken porcelain object that must be treated with soft gloves. The victim is considered to be so emotionally and mentally deranged that you must coddle them, because deep down inside you don’t believe they have the resources in their own Self to recover, to grow, to self-validate.
This ultimately is a putdown… not a vote of confidence. This gives the message to the victim that they are ruined for life and therefore you will tolerate any behavior from them. This gives the subliminal message that you feel sorry for them, do not expect much, if anything from them, and also do not ultimately believe they will ever recover. They are, in your mind, and how you treat them, damaged for life. But actually they are not. Getting a scar is not brain damage! Continue reading
Living Ecstatic Bliss By Remaining Open To Life!
Nothing is for certain. We are not locked in. Everything is at our disposal. We are as free as the wind. Responsibility remains with ourselves, while duty and obligation have no place in our lives, when subjected onto us by someone else. It’s an inside job. The greatest disservice and most fierce act of unkindness we will ever do to another is when we negate, abate and sublimate our ‘natural and convenient’ innate desires.
Unless we are authentic and the real deal, we do not, have not, and will not show up for our lives, relationships and work. We are merely playing ridiculous games of pretense. Regrettably and stupidly, not the first one of them fulfills, sustains or registers. It’s simply a dreary monotonous merry-go-round.
The long and short of it is this: it matters what we do – but only to us! If we are doing anything for anyone at anytime, for any other reason than for the gut-driven, instinctive passion that drives us to express our deeply embedded sublime, sensual, sacred, sexual, artistic natures, we are nothing but disposable phonies. We are merely walking around, in a desperately empty, apathetically numbed, half-awake daze… haphazardly avoiding the next car that may plow right into us. The one and only problem with that unlived scenario: we won’t even know what hit us. Our short time here on Earth would have been null, void and without meaning.
What meaning, you may ask? You might not see any meaning, but you know you are here for some reason or purpose, you just don’t know what that is. Of course, you don’t, because you have not showed up for your life, yet. You walk around with either a chip (boulder) on your shoulder, because your life hasn’t’ worked out as you planned. Or maybe you are displaying an exalted sense of elevated importance, thinking you deserve more than you have.
Facing Yourself As The Other In Your Relationship
Relationships are funny things. They are by their very nature designed to elicit the best and worst from the individuals involved in them.
Although it may appear in a relationship as if you are involved with another distinct person, you are, in fact involved with an underlying, obscured part of yourself, which needs identifying and relating to. With appropriate understanding and recognition, you can see your way clear to an insightful experience.
Once having subjected yourself to the nebulous involvement, you will no longer need to refer to your actions with dread of ‘doing the wrong thing,’ or suffering unnecessary hurt. You will comprehend that it is impossible to avoid anything and there is no guarantee associated with the leap into the depths of your own foreboding abyss.
The fact of the matter is that you will emerge unscathed and filled with unmistakable self-knowledge and power attached to the plummeting into the relational depths of tense despair. By facing both the dark side and light side of your vehemently nervous, fretful mind, you will be freed from the bonds of panic and contentious worry that forever plague you.
Your undisclosed, insecure personality, as revealed in the other person, is laden with criticism, negativity and lack of confidence, based upon the premise of unawareness. The guilt, anxiety, and duty you have attached to personal responsibility in the outcome of the relationship is nothing short of nauseating. You are not that important in the material scope of things.
Digging Into The Primal Depths
As human beings, we are voraciously indulgent, pleasure-seeking creatures. We are instinctively driven by deeply embedded erotic, sensual needs that demand our attention. By neglecting or denying its ‘sense of urgency,’ a physical and mental ‘mortal combat’ ensues. We are stimulated by the thrilling edge of unknown horizons in forbidden sensuality. Ah! How we yearn for the ecstatic privilege to contact or engage the gregarious primal roar, and then release its euphoric orgasmic sigh of creation.
It is in those times alone that we are reconciled with the ramified, non-negotiable urge to devote all we have, are and ever will be to that which cannot be expressed, or even uttered in human words. During that inexpressible eternal moment, pain and pleasure are suspended forevermore.
How often are we aware enough to recognize and incorporate the electricity of immediate wonder into our lives, in the instant it occurs? On the other hand, can we ever be cognizant enough to embrace the disguised blessings hidden deeply within pain?
Our motives are never pure! If at any minute we deceive ourselves into believing they are, we suffer immeasurably through undisclosed discontent and unparalleled dissatisfaction. From that point on, we begin to build walls around us for protection. We misinterpret our own self-inflicted paranoia as a mal-aligned intent coming from another. We judge, criticize and condemn the smallest matters. We’re continuously on edge, refusing to see how insidious our demands are. The malicious face of pretense will catch us when we are the least bit aware. Most especially, when we honestly believe we are the ones without guile.
Restoring My Energy Balance In A New Way
Recently, a major storm caused some damage to our home. This required us to have contractors invade our normally very peaceful, secluded home. The repairs were such that it required the workers to have access to both the exterior and interior of our home.
Although we were both grateful for the fact that we have great home owners insurance, and that all the repairs were going to be completed with minimal expense on our part, we also were faced with the reality that our life as we knew it was going to be temporarily disrupted.
We had numerous people in and out of our home. Activity was everywhere in the house, and although our home is large there was not one room that did not require some kind of repair. This meant I had no private space to myself anymore. I had nowhere to escape to and clear my energy.
Reminding myself that it was only temporary, and that I could handle the lack of privacy I had become so accustomed to, I tried to adapt. I started doing my mediation early in the morning, before the workers arrived, and I routinely smudged the entire home with sage. I also started spending less time at home, as to not be in anyone’s way.
All the while I tried to convince myself that I was fine. I was also doing the energy work I needed to do to ensure none of the energy that was brought into my home by so many strangers would leave an imprint or attach itself to me. But about a month into this three month ordeal, I found myself getting very depressed. Continue reading
The Universe Provides The Help We Need
Recently, a very dear friend discovered that her partner, who she had been living with for the past three years, was secretly battling an addiction to narcotics. She discovered this in a very hurtful way.
They were getting ready to go out for the evening and she was looking for a specific item of jewelry. When she could not find what she was looking for, she asked him if he had seen it anywhere. He tried to downplay the situation and persuaded her to pick another piece of jewelry to wear. He was sure it would soon turn up.
But my friend was on a mission. That piece of jewelry was her grandmother’s. She would have never misplaced it. After more searching, she eventually discovered that almost all of her jewelry was missing! Thinking they had been robbed by a visitor, she was naturally upset. For weeks my friend was obsessing over what had happened to her jewelry.
Finally she asked for help from her guides, that the truth be shown to her, and sure enough about a month after the first discovery of missing items, she was sorting laundry and checking pockets when, to her surprise, in one of her partner’s pockets she found her grandmother’s diamond earrings!
Shocked, she began to question him about why her earrings were in his pocket. Did he find them somewhere and put them in his pocket, then forgot about them? She was sure there had to be a legitimate reason for this discovery. After all, this is the man who she has lived with, loved, and trusted, for several years. The thought of him actually being the thief never came to mind. Continue reading