truth
Authentic Feelings Are Not Always ‘Sunshine And Rainbows’
What a comfortable, easy life this would be if everyone could just feel like ‘sunshine and rainbows’ all the time. The truth is that the many of the most worthwhile things in life do not come from ‘easy’ and ‘comfortable.’ And when we suppress our true feelings, it is ultimately detrimental to our health body, mind, and spirit.
Revealing our true feelings does not come easily for many of us. I am not trying to make up an excuse, but I just was not brought up that way. My parents’ generation were masters of the art of concealing their true feelings, good or bad. When I am doing a mediumship reading, and a departed parent or grandparent shows up, they often say things like, “I wish I told you more often how much I love you.”
I could count on one hand the moments in my childhood that I can remember my parents showing affection for each other in front of us children. Those of us who had been brought up in such a stoic family environment, tend to struggle when are encouraged to express our deepest emotions. As an adult, I do however see the bigger picture today. And I do feel it is necessary to express one’s feelings in a considerate and healthy way.
In my family my parents also never argued in front of us kids. My dad just gave my mom the silent treatment. We grew up thinking he was just be the ‘strong silent type.’ Consequently, I felt that this was what communication in a marriage should be like.
Of course, reality hit me badly with my first marriage, when my ex-husband and I had our first serious argument! I thought it meant the marriage was now over, because I had no coping skills or frame of reference for this kind of authentic self-expression in a relationship. I also had no clue how to have a good, healthy argument.
The Key To Healing Your Relationship
Our emotions and feelings are not always perceptions that originate within. Many are caused by external events or outer circumstances. For example, a motivational speech can lift you up, while a scolding can bring you down. So too can a healthy, or toxic relationship.
Much of our modern lifestyle is based on our reactive feelings to external influences. Social media influencers, popular culture and news sources tell us how we should feel, but do we really know what is going on in our heart? Marilyn Manson expresses this modern dilemma brilliantly in the song Coma White:
A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won’t save her from herself
In my experience, the reason there are so many dysfunctional relationships and broken marriages these days is the fact that many of us no longer know our own true feelings.
We are all the result of life experience. Experience is what gives us knowledge of success, or failure. The only person you can change, or whose behavior you can alter, is yourself. Every other thing follows suit. That is how we heal our relationships. We must lead by example.
Escaping Karma
Karma is often one of the most misunderstood spiritual experiences that we have as humans. People will often use the word ‘karma’ to represent something punitive, or to point out that another person will “get what’s coming to them.”
But looking at karma through the lens of retribution is almost the opposite of the reason why karma actually exists. In fact, when we hold a perspective about karma that is punitive, we tend to create some sticky karma for ourselves in the process.
Karma is in truth an expression of the self-correcting Universe, reflecting its intelligent, loving design. The goal of karma is to expand a person’s awareness of love, joy, and serenity. Karma simply means that whatever we give out, comes back to us multiplied.
The concept of “karma is going to get that person,” is often directly associated with personal vendetta. Therefore, so many spiritual teachers throughout history talked about forgiveness and loving our enemies. When we focus on karma “getting” the other person, we tend to bring about harsh justice for ourselves.
It is also important to understand that the karma that other people experience is not proportional to how offended we are. The goal of karma is not to ‘make’ other people feel the way that we felt when we were offended.
Living Ecstatic Bliss By Remaining Open To Life!
Nothing is for certain. We are not locked in. Everything is at our disposal. We are as free as the wind. Responsibility remains with ourselves, while duty and obligation have no place in our lives, when subjected onto us by someone else. It’s an inside job. The greatest disservice and most fierce act of unkindness we will ever do to another is when we negate, abate and sublimate our ‘natural and convenient’ innate desires.
Unless we are authentic and the real deal, we do not, have not, and will not show up for our lives, relationships and work. We are merely playing ridiculous games of pretense. Regrettably and stupidly, not the first one of them fulfills, sustains or registers. It’s simply a dreary monotonous merry-go-round.
The long and short of it is this: it matters what we do – but only to us! If we are doing anything for anyone at anytime, for any other reason than for the gut-driven, instinctive passion that drives us to express our deeply embedded sublime, sensual, sacred, sexual, artistic natures, we are nothing but disposable phonies. We are merely walking around, in a desperately empty, apathetically numbed, half-awake daze… haphazardly avoiding the next car that may plow right into us. The one and only problem with that unlived scenario: we won’t even know what hit us. Our short time here on Earth would have been null, void and without meaning.
What meaning, you may ask? You might not see any meaning, but you know you are here for some reason or purpose, you just don’t know what that is. Of course, you don’t, because you have not showed up for your life, yet. You walk around with either a chip (boulder) on your shoulder, because your life hasn’t’ worked out as you planned. Or maybe you are displaying an exalted sense of elevated importance, thinking you deserve more than you have.
Facing Yourself As The Other In Your Relationship
Relationships are funny things. They are by their very nature designed to elicit the best and worst from the individuals involved in them.
Although it may appear in a relationship as if you are involved with another distinct person, you are, in fact involved with an underlying, obscured part of yourself, which needs identifying and relating to. With appropriate understanding and recognition, you can see your way clear to an insightful experience.
Once having subjected yourself to the nebulous involvement, you will no longer need to refer to your actions with dread of ‘doing the wrong thing,’ or suffering unnecessary hurt. You will comprehend that it is impossible to avoid anything and there is no guarantee associated with the leap into the depths of your own foreboding abyss.
The fact of the matter is that you will emerge unscathed and filled with unmistakable self-knowledge and power attached to the plummeting into the relational depths of tense despair. By facing both the dark side and light side of your vehemently nervous, fretful mind, you will be freed from the bonds of panic and contentious worry that forever plague you.
Your undisclosed, insecure personality, as revealed in the other person, is laden with criticism, negativity and lack of confidence, based upon the premise of unawareness. The guilt, anxiety, and duty you have attached to personal responsibility in the outcome of the relationship is nothing short of nauseating. You are not that important in the material scope of things.
Are You An Old Soul?
An ‘old soul’ is a person who wise beyond their years. It is someone who has a deeper understanding of human nature and the world we live in. I also believe that an old soul is a person who has learned valuable life lessons from their past incarnations or former lifetimes.
How do you know you are an old soul? Well, if you can see the bigger picture of things, and you are always wanting to learn more, then your current lifetime is probably not your ‘first rodeo.’ Old souls are typically highly intuitive and empathic. Their psychic senses are heightened, and they understand who they are in this life.
Old souls are attracted to wisdom and truth. They are not much for superficial lifestyles and trivial pursuits. They are not materialistic. Instead, they focus more on the beauty and simple joys of life, instead of the indulgences of material wealth and luxuries.
They feel the need to follow their own path in life, seeking their own truth and understanding, free from the opinion and views of others. They want to understand more about life and what makes things tick They live their lives the way they want to, and they find purpose and inner peace on their own terms.
Are We There Yet?
Are we there yet? It’s okay to ask. The answer, however, should always be no. If we become preoccupied with destination, we lose sight of the joy and purpose of the journey in the first place. When we honor the journey, we are able to keep on the path of forward motion.
Life itself is the journey. We learn the hard lessons, and finally understand that it’s a never-ending process. Often things occur in the guise of mistakes, failures, misunderstandings, hurts. But in truth, not learning from these events is the only failure. And if you don’t learn it the first time, it is highly likely the lesson will repeat itself, over and over again, until you actually do learn it.
When our behavior and actions change, we convert what we have learned into wisdom. For some people the process is a lifelong quest, while others utilize what they have learned and it moves them along quickly. Some people need to go deeper within themselves to make progress.
It is always good to ask if we are there yet. Especially at the beginning of every journey, or when the learned lessons tell us there is more work to be done – inner work to get to the very core of our being. For some people inner work can be very frightening, as many of us deeply suppress the things that we don’t want to deal with. But to complete the journey we must peel away the layers, like peeling an onion.