Is It Love, Or Just Infatuation?

There is a difference between love, lust, and infatuation. Infatuation is so powerful, it can make you think that you are in love, but they cannot co-exist.

There are so many people that feel that they are in love with someone just because they are so amazing, and they cannot stop thinking about them, but truthfully most of the time the intense feeling that comes with really liking someone is not love, it is infatuation. How does one tell the difference?

First and foremost, when you are infatuated it happens very quickly, love is a slow process – love needs a deeper connection. Infatuation can make you feel irrational, love calms you. Infatuation can feel very intense, love is grounded, and generous, and solid.

The worst thing: to give yourself away in exchange for not enough love ~ Joyce Carol

Your heart’s pounding, your feel a bit giddy with excitement, and every time your phone rings or texts, you jump up hoping it’s your beloved. It’s hard to focus, you find that you have lost your appetite. Nobody gets you the way your sweetheart does and everything feels so real, but wait..is this love?

Infatuation feels passionate and addictive, but it is also insecure. When acceptance comes from our love interest, we feel safe, happy and alive, but when our partner starts to pull away and go into the cave, or lashes out, we are feeling like we are abandoned, scared, and unloved.

Are you focusing on how your partner makes you feel? Is it good or bad. Does your life feel empty when you’re apart? Do you feel whole only because this person is in your life? When you are obsessing on what you’re feeling, or needing, you are experiencing an attachment. This is infatuation, and it is not love.

Infatuation is about you, love is about us or we! Love begins from within. There is nothing missing, and no aching needs that you have to have filled by your partner. Real love compliments each other strengths and accepts weakness, and remains strong, and steady in your relationship. Its’ also about being friends, having respect for each other, and growing closer.

I know I am but summer to your heart, and not the full four seasons of the year ~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

Real love is not just about being in a state of bliss, it is about showing up for each other for good and bad times. It’s loving your partner, not pulling away, and taking responsibility for your actions. Unlike infatuation, with real love you both feel like your in it for the long haul. You see your relationship to each other as a means of support, acceptance, and comfort in your lives and so you are willing to do the work to keep your relationship strong, and thriving.

Understand that love is consistent, that it builds trust. It is not just a feeling to cling to. Infatuation is delusional, not real. Love is unconditional. Infatuation feels like being in love, but it is not. It is a very strong emotion, but not pure like love.

Love is quiet. It is a connection between two souls that goes far and beyond. Infatuation is not pure like love, and can be accompanied by lust, it is about thinking of yourself and not the other person you’re with.

Infatuation is also weakened with time, and separation, whereas with love it is stronger with time, and separation. Love develops over time, even when separated. When you see your partner through the eyes of real love, that is when you will know that even when they may not always make you happy, you love them unconditionally. That is when you know you love has arrived!