life drama
Thank You For Leaving Me
Heartbreak is never easy. I have heard the words, “But I love him,” so many times after a break-up. I have also heard, “No one can replace her.” I have even heard, “I’ll never even think about another person in this way, or even try to find someone new.”
Who is this mindset hurting? Look at the reality of it. It’s not hurting the other person, who walked out on the relationship. They walked out for a reason. Often they have also moved on with someone new. The only person being hurt, by hanging on, is the person hanging on.
I have also heard, “She is my soulmate,” or “He is my twin flame.” Well, if they are not on the same page as you in this lifetime, and not committed to making the relationship work, then they are not your soulmate, or twin flame. It takes a commitment from both parties.
Love is subjective. Love has to be equal from both people involved. However, when only one has their heart and soul invested, it will never last. If someone is able to walk out on the first argument, it is definitely not meant to be. If there is ever disrespect, it is also not meant to be.
I have also been at this place in my life. I was devastated when my husband walked out. I thought I had failed, but then I realized the truth. The marriage was over long before this happened. The equality of feelings was long gone, and respect was non-existent. He controlled what I did, even how I thought at times, and was wreaking havoc on my self-esteem.
To Fester, Or Forgive
Recently, a peer did a short talk on forgiveness, as part of a healing service. Besides her being courageous, sharing aspects of her personal challenges with parents and peers, she also offered a reminder of how instrumental forgiving ourselves is in our healing journey.
The reptilian, primitive part of the brain has a default state of always monitoring its environment. The hunter-gatherer ancestral days had us on constant alert. Anxious. Awaiting possible threat by the saber-tooth tiger. But our modern brain has evolved such, that when we are not active in a task, the brain occupies itself with dwelling on the past.
The idle brain tends to ponder past events and unpleasant thoughts, that in the default state, fill us with anxiety. Pain. Guilt. Self-blame. Shame. Anger. Disappointment.
The typical memories and thoughts, that can consume us in this default state, vary. Some are large and life-changing, such as the loss of a loved one or favorite pet, financial loss, divorce, adultery, retrenchment, and physical or emotional abuse. Others are more behavioral or emotional, but can be just as debilitating.
When our life is ‘heading south’ and we cannot seem to turn things around, we tend to replay the situation. This can lead to becoming more depressed, and having more reason to doubt ourselves. A vicious cycle can result. We spin and spin…like laundry in the dryer, being tumbled. If we remain in that dryer, resentment sets in.
Dragging A ‘Knapsack Of Irrelevance’
Reading for a client recently revealed her toxic work environment, and how one co-worker in particular was making things very unpleasant for her at the office. It reminded me of a short-lived, but very unpleasant working situation I found myself in years ago.
I was scheduled to work with a woman for a couple of weeks who had an extremely negative attitude and was having a profound effect on me. I shared this unpleasant situation with my boyfriend at the time, and his view was that I was just carrying around a ‘knapsack of irrelevance.’
I was so upset! How could he even think that? However, he did give me some food for thought when he then also said, “Just consider how you will think about this situation in a few years from now. How much will it matter then?”
Well, that did help to put things into perspective. And guess what? Just as he predicted, I forgot all about it until this recent reading with my client! Yes, he was correct. After all the years, remembering that brief work situation made me realize that it never had any major relevance or importance to my life. Stressing and worrying about it was indeed just a waste of time and energy.
I met this particular ex-boyfriend in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). He was very well-versed in the twelve steps and other tools helpful in achieving and maintaining sobriety. He also gave me an Alcoholics Anonymous pamphlet, which I have to this day, which reads:
Spiritual Courage
When most of us hear the word courage, certain ideas come to mind of going beyond our normal range of responses to life, or beyond our perceived comfort zone. We may think of courage as standing up to a bully, or taking a risk in life, or leaping forward in blind faith.
Not only are we treading into new territory when we engage courage, but we are leaving behind an old pattern or belief system that has prevented us from stepping beyond what we have feared most. To be courageous and to step beyond our fears, we need to be willing to succeed, or fail.
Failure to most people means not meeting a goal. But what if failure also means to remain stagnant? When we look at courage to help us break free of limiting circumstances or beliefs, it becomes easier to be courageous, because we see that not being courageous has only kept us trapped in repeat cycles. Furthermore, to varying degrees, it often causes unhappiness in an area of our life.
I had a male friend who looked much younger than his age, and always looked happy. When I asked him what his secret was, he simply replied, “Courage.” He said he would do something to scare the pants off himself at least once a month! I laughed, but saw the point he was making.
He loved being in nature. He would ski off huge cliffs, go skydiving, and participated in many other activities that take guts to do. My friend is on the Other Side now, but he visits me often with his message of courage.
The Wisdom Of Supporting Others
Being kind, compassionate, supportive and treating others as we want to be treated, is important for our physical, mental and spiritual well-being. Negative energy at work and in our personal lives, can drain our energy and negatively impact the health of mind, body and soul.
Work related issues carry their own special stress, since that has a direct impact on financial well-being, as well as personal happiness. It is best to avoid the envy, jealousy, gossip and betrayal. Beware the eye-rolling, personal attacks, whispers behind closed doors, and the divulging of information that isn’t meant to be shared, as well as the ‘just plain pettiness.’
If you are the one being attacked or targeted, resist the temptation to respond in kind. A public battle of words, or ‘tit-for-tat’ gossip, will change nothing. Adding fuel to the fire will only guarantee that the battle will continue and become even more nasty.
You don’t need to be phony, but it is advisable, and always empowering, to be civil and dignified, and to stay centered. Sometimes it is best to just remain silent. Let your actions speak for you, and to your character.
You don’t need to make excuses for, or feel sorry for the other person, or the group. Just remember what your goals and purpose are. Reach beyond that, and implement an energetic and spiritual practice that will empower both yourself and others.
Letting Go Of Those Old Branches
As winter arrives, it is always a time of reflection for me. Winter storms are so bittersweet. They are beautiful, but they also can be very destructive. In a winter storm last year, I have observed some of the strongest, oldest trees losing their branches. Those large branches were the first to snap. They looked so strong and have weathered so many storms, yet they could not withstand the wind.
As I analyzed the results of that winter storm, the realization came to me that the smaller, more supple branches had the ability to bend with the strong winds. The large, majestic branches, however, had become rigid over the years and broke easily in the powerful, icy wind.
The same principle could apply in our lives. How well we handle a challenging situation will depend on our ability to remain flexible and adapt. A very strong, experienced person may appear on the surface to be able to move mountains and handle most situations with ease. But if that same person is unwilling to listen, refuses to compromise with others and cannot remain open-minded, they will most likely be doing a lot of ‘snapping’ when facing adversity.
If we can ‘bend’ to at least agree to disagree with others, and keep a more flexible, adaptive attitude in difficult times, it makes life a lot easier to maintain harmony with the world. If tunnel vision is how we choose to see life, it is impossible to see that others may also be right sometimes, or have a better solution. When we become rigid, stiff, closed and inflexible, it becomes harder to see the bigger picture and to have a more peaceful approach to life.
When we are rigid and think our way is the only way, it is also hard to make and keep lasting relationships. In a group situation there are always people that see the opposite side any situation for a problem. Sometime these people may play devil’s advocate. They listen to each point of view to arrive at a compromise.
Keeping Your Thoughts Positive
Have you ever felt that you have reached the bottom and are struggling to come back up to the top? Many people that I talk to on a daily basis, have no one they can turn to in order to bring them back up and get that positive energy back. Each person I speak to comes to me with different issues that they like me to help them understand and solve. Sometimes you just need a friend. I like to be a friend by listening, understanding, and finding the deep-seated issues for every person that calls me. It is amazing how a spiritually guided, non-judgmental reading can help people with each and every issue we discuss together.
Once you are able to find solutions to an issue during your psychic reading, it is awesome how well you can feel afterwards. If you are embarrassed to speak to someone you know, a psychic reader is the perfect solution. You will not have the worry of your issues becoming public or causing embarrassment.
A spiritual psychic reader can help guide you in the right direction to your future. However, it does take work on your part to get to that future. It is so important for you to set your goals and not stop until you achieve each and every one of them. Your hard work will pay off in the end. Once you have achieved your first goal, it is amazing how good you will feel inside. Achievements whether large or small, help bring the positive emotions and feelings out, while slowly putting the negative thoughts in the past, and leaving them there for good.