childhood
Work Through The Fear, Obligation And Guilt (FOG)
Reflecting on my life I have found how many of my early life experiences have subconsciously influenced me, mostly due to a lack of awareness that allowed fear, a sense of obligation and guilt to remain hidden.
These hidden influences mostly come from my formative years and became obstacles I had to repeatedly struggle with in my adult life with regards relationships, career, finances, family and community.
Once I discovered these non-empowering beliefs, it was time for me to get out of the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). In hindsight, several things I was unaware of in my family’s dynamics, were actually ‘seeds’ hidden beneath the surface that in time sprouted into personal challenges and self-sabotage.
Fear
Fear and insecurity are frequent visitors for many of us in all areas of life. I was constantly focused on the negative and worst-case scenarios. This is because our brain is wired this way for the purpose of survival. Much of it also depends on our upbringing. So, we must recognize this and catch ourselves early on, in order to shift our thoughts and emotions in a positive direction.
We must be cognitive of our behaviors and explore where in our life we have learned these negative, fear-based responses. Fear is a natural part of life, but can easily become a ‘whack-a-mole’ of frustration, anxiety, uncertainty and indecision, always showing up at the most inconvenient times.
Faith Is My Armor Of Light
When I had just completed high school, I decided it was time to venture out into the world, get an apartment and just experience living all on my own. So, one month after graduation, I let my butterfly wings soar and found a little place about a few blocks from where I grew up.
One night something happened I will never forget, even though it was 30 years ago. I remember it like it was yesterday. Someone brought over an Ouija board! I was brought up to believe that the Ouija board is a portal to the lower realm and negative energies, and that sometimes who you want to connect with isn’t always who actually comes through. My friends and I asked the board who we were talking to and his name was George.
The part that really creeped me out came later, after everyone had gone home. I was cleaning up. My apartment was on the third floor and as I was looking down at the four corner intersection below, there was a car sitting under the street light. An older, bald man rolled the window down and leaned over to look up at me through the passenger window. “I’m George”, he said. I was so creeped out!
My roommate was gone and I was exhausted, but I couldn’t sleep. Lying in my bed later, I was trying to make sense of it all. I looked across the room and the light coming in through the blinds made it so I could see the hallway and the doorway. And there I suddenly saw the shape of a man; the figure of a man that was so dark, but you could totally make out it was a man standing right there in the doorway! I will never forget his voice. “I will never leave you, nor forsake you”, he said. Amazingly, I felt immediately comforted.
The church I grew up in was directly across from my new apartment. And I just knew that he was an angel, letting me know that through my faith I am protected. I was never again scared to be by myself.