communication
When Your Man Is Not Ready To Commit
I often hear how wonderful the guy is that she is dating… if only he would commit to taking their relationship to the next level! If a woman is not satisfied with the way things are going and what she is getting from the relationship, should she continue to wait for him?
By patiently waiting for him against your better judgment, he only learns that he can get away with his lack of commitment, especially if he feels comfortable with what he is getting from the relationship. This way a pattern is formed.
So, how do you avoid wasting some of the best years of your life waiting on a guy that is never going to commit? well, right from the start you tell him what your looking for and what your expectations are. But handle it carefully, after all you don’t want to scare him away before things even get off the ground!
But do let him know how you feel about dating, long-term relationships, commitment, marriage, children, and whatever else may be important to you. This will inform him, so that you have a better shot at being on the same page. If he starts to make excuses, or says that he is not interested in a long-term commitment, at least not right now, then accept his words as the truth.
Communicating Kindness – A Message From My Guides
Our focus today is on being kind to those who are close to you and improve your communication with those you love. Sometimes people are inclined to take their loved ones for granted and speak with them entirely differently than they would speak to a stranger.
It is easy to be kind when showing genuine support and encouragement, but it can be more difficult when giving disagreeable advice, or chastising. Overall, it is much more challenging to be kind when expressing any kind of criticism. To counteract these challenges, we have three recommendations that might help.
Our first proposition is to listen actively. Many people are so compelled to answer while another is speaking that they formulate their responses without actually hearing what is truly being said. They assume that they know where the conversation is going so they miss any nuance or undercurrent within the comments being made.
Staying silent without interrupting can be very challenging, especially when you are eager to expand on positive commentary or ready to disagree with every fiber of your being. It might take an inordinate amount of practice, however, if you can master the art of listening well, people will soon think of you as a great conversationalist.
Learning To Say Yes To Yourself
It is in the empath’s nature to say ‘yes’ to just about anything requested of them. It goes against our grain. For some of us, saying ‘no’ also brings on fears of rejection, abandonment or letting someone down when it may be important to support them. Rather than finding an excuse, or simply telling the truth, many of us give in and just go along. It just feels easier in the moment, and even validating or satisfying.
But when you end that phone call, or respond to another text, and you feel anxious and panicked, while you start going over all the other things that will have to fall to the wayside by saying yes, then you really are saying no to yourself. Self-care requires that we sometimes say no to others, in order to say yes to our own well-being and peace of mind. Consequently, the person that you said yes to won’t be getting the best of you. If you have said yes at your own expense, then what you bring to the table for that person is stress and anxiety. Your best self will not be fully present.
Saying yes, when you really want to say no, can also lead to resentment that you then attach to the person who asked for your assistance. Here the responsibility lies with ourselves. We teach people how to treat us and many times we don’t give others enough credit for understanding when we say no. Most people would rather hear. “No thanks, that time doesn’t work for me” or “I have other commitments,” instead of having to sense a half-hearted or less than enthusiastic yes.
Going Beyond Your Sun Sign
When I began studying Astrology, I only focused on the Sun signs, or birth signs, without acknowledging all the other planetary influences that are equally important in person’s chart. An astrological natal chart reflects the planetary alignment at the exact time we are born into the world, which makes us all incredibly unique.
If you want to understand a relationship dynamic or yourself in-depth, a professional astrologer can break down the strengths and challenges of the situation using astrological data. There are also free resources online that can generate a basic astrology report which summarizes each planetary aspect for you.
The planets that fall within each astrological chart and their meaning are as follows:
1. The sun is who you show to the world.
2. The moon is your heart and emotions.
3. Your rising or ascendant sign is how you look.
4. Mercury is your communication and how you think.
5. Venus is how you love and show affection.
‘Handling’ People
When people ‘handle’ me, it makes my skin crawl, literally. Why do people feel the need to ‘handle’ others? What is the difference between say being diplomatic with someone, being professional, or having boundaries, all of which are healthy behaviors, compared to ‘handling’ someone? The simple answer is energy.
Handling someone means you are a closed book, you have an agenda with a person and you want to accomplish that agenda, whether it is to get something from the person or to make that person go away (without you simply setting a boundary or being honest).
People who ‘handle’ others often do not know that is what they are doing; it is their unconscious ‘go-to’ behavior, their norm. Some ways of discovering if you are handling versus relating to someone, is to look at your other choices.
You may not realize that addicts always need handling. So, if you are an addict (of any kind — drugs, alcohol, sugar, sex, anything you feel compelled to do in excess), or if you tend to date, marry or make friends with addicts of any sort, you are more than likely someone who ‘handles’ others, as well as yourself. A handler type person will choose addicts often without realizing or admitting to themselves that they are an addict, because addicts do in fact need to be ‘handled’ until they come out of denial and start to participate in their recovery.
Uninjected Psychic Connection
I was recently asked what it feel like to be able know things about people, without them telling me anything. “It helps me feel connected,” I quickly replied. People are often awed about the things I pick up during psychic readings and conversations.
I try to keep it in perspective and remain healthy, so I continue working hard to not use my hyper-sensing skills as a means to have power over someone, or to get attention, or to be awed without people understanding that it’s the connection between us that’s powerful. I just am able to facilitate this connection, nothing more. If people want to learn how I do this, I offer to teach them how ‘I do it’ and help them figure out how they can do it in their own way.
I was speaking to a friend on the phone recently, and she told me that the mother of a mutual friend, and even closer friend to her, had passed away. After asking her to share my condolences with him, I picked up something from who I thought was the energy of his mother, and asked her to share it with him. But he didn’t appreciate it. He said he was bewildered, and I felt horrible.
Strength In Frailty
The wise accept that it is sometimes best to give in when under pressure. Sun Tzu was a great teacher in the art of flexibility in leading his people, through teaching, education, art, poetry and the art of grace. To his people, this was magic. It meant listening to his opponent, pointing out his strengths, not cornering them, and letting them have a way out to continue their way of life.
He was a great artist and poet, and was known not as a warrior, but as a visionary and leader. Now little is left of this art of grace, the art of diplomacy, of delegation. This art requires a delicate balance of self-control and sacrifice, which need not always be exhibited by one person alone. There is strength in frailty, and showing humility and spirit in the face of great pressure. It will always demonstrate the greater need to preserve one’s people over the greed of self-preservation and ego, seen over the many reigns of the great emperors of past.
One could fight to the very end, but yet to what end? At what cost? So many people seem to feel one should take a small point of contention and fight it down to its last little molecule of dust. For what?