Dreams
Reversing The Reversals
You’re moving at a breakneck pace and everything is going like gangbusters. Good health, great job, satisfying relationship. You just moved in with the person of your dreams and you’re banking some major coin that gives you many options in life. Travel, designer clothes, flashy car with all the latest bells and whistles. You’re the belle of the ball, the center of attention, feeling like Ms Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With The Wind.
Any problems you might have, like those recurring nightmares in which you’re being chased and can’t get away, you simply disregard. You’ll rather think about it tomorrow. Every morning you simply turn a blind eye and start another glorious day. Today is good, forget about last night. No time to see the truth in the rear view mirror.
And then a global pandemic hits. Suddenly the entire world is reversed and upside down. Everywhere people are dropping out and tuning into misery. You’re stuck at home with your new live-in partner who no longer looks so shiny, neither does the new car, even with all those bells and whistles.
You’re feeling shell-shocked, overwhelmed, scared. You feel like a trapped lab rat, waiting for an insidious disease to strike. Meanwhile you are getting a crash course in relationship 101, learning about all your partner’s peccadilloes, those annoying little quirks and habits you used to find so cute. Then the awesome job goes away, and you and lab rat partner are left to fight all the time. One of you needs to leave. But neither of you can go anywhere.
All you can do is go within. Sleep becomes a refuge, until those nasty nightmares become more of a reality to you than your waking life. And now you feel like a zombie; the dead version of your former vibrant self.
This is what’s called a reversal in life. Dramatic? Yes. Depressing? Absolutely. We all encounter it from time to time, the reversals, the spiritual contrasts. Sometimes not quite so dramatic, other times even more so.
Grandma’s Love Was The Best
I remember what Grandma was wearing when she passed away. I also recall exactly what she said and everything else that happened that day, right down to the violets I picked in the backyard to place in her hand. She was wearing an oversized Winnie the Pooh T-shirt that could have been a night dress, I’m not sure. She had her red robe on and black slippers lined with greyish fluff.
She was told she was being taken to the nursing home, but it was actually hospice she would be going to. She could no longer walk and had fallen, and no one was able to pick her up. Not even myself. I wish I could, but I just was not able to.
I sensed she wasn’t to going be with us very much, and I was very upset about it. But constantly having to give her blood transfusions and her being in so much pain, it was the right decision at the time. I have made peace with that now.
Settling her into the hospice, Grandma was adamant the bed be taken out, as it was unbearably uncomfortable. She kept saying, “I just want to go home and die. This is no way to live. I’m ready to go.” She also told me, if I ever needed her after she had gone, all I would have to do is call her name, and she would be there for me. Grandma kept her promise to me. To this day I still feel her around me all the time, especially when I think of her and call her name.
I think the worst thing I ever experienced in my entire life was walking into that hospice room after she had passed and seeing her shell of a body. She was no longer there, obviously, but she was still around. I felt she was somewhere in the room looking at us and saying her goodbyes.
Pain had made her very bitter towards the end of her life. She wasn’t herself anymore because she was on so many different strong medications and invasive treatments. I sensed that she longed to be with her departed husband and her dear mother who passed when she was just a young girl. Her mom was also a psychic and apparently really good with things like Numerology and dreaming lucky numbers. I loved hearing all those stories.
When You Hear Things…
My grandson, his wife and their two-year-old boy, as well as their cat and dog, recently all came to live with me for a couple of months, while waiting to move into their new home. Normally my house is exceptionally quiet, so I absolutely enjoyed the noisy hustle and bustle of having a young family under my roof.
Because both parents work, their son goes to day care twice a week. They leave just after 6am in the morning and he is picked up again at 3pm at the end of his mom’s workday. The entire time they stayed with me this schedule never wavered.
Late one morning, just before noon, I was sitting quietly in my chair catching up on some knitting. I was home alone and there was little going on in the house, aside from the regular activity of the cat and dog. It therefore took me by surprise when I suddenly heard a child crying?
The wailing sound briefly came from the kitchen area, where the back door is located. I thought I was imagining things, so went back to knitting. All was quiet for a few minutes, but then the crying started again! Subconsciously, I assumed it must be my granddaughter who was home early with her son, so I expected them to come into the living room soon. But nothing further happened.
Then I heard the crying again. This time it was loud and clear enough that I had to get up and investigate. But there was no one to be found in the kitchen. I looked out the window thinking maybe they might have gone back to the car, except there was nothing in the driveway. I then opened the back door, but there was no one there. I then decided I was either imagining things, or maybe it was the cat or dog I heard.



