Spirituality
Healing From A Relationship Breakup
All breakups are painful. There really is no quick fix to heal a broken heart. But there are some things one can do to gradually move on and begin a new journey without your ex-partner.
The first thing to do is to accept the reality of the situation. It is not going to do any good to dwell on the past or try to work things out at this point. In this early stage of grieving, it is usually not a good idea to speak to your ex at all. It will simply prolong the pain.
At times you might be tempted to reach out to your ex, but listen to what your heart and soul is telling you. Trust your gut. It will never steer you wrong.
You may also want to avoid reminders of your ex and your relationship. No need to put any more stress or pressure on yourself than you have to. It is best to accept what is and move on.
The most important thing now is to put yourself first and be true to you. Now is the time to come to grips with your feelings. Don’t hold back if you want to cry and let it out.
We are always trying to look for answers as to why something happened. Many times, we blame ourselves, thinking that things may have been different if we would have done more. We put ourselves through so much unnecessary guilt sometimes. It is unfair and pointless to do that to ourselves and not the best path to healing. Seek forgiveness for your ex and yourself.
A healthy lifestyle is important in times of grief. Exercise is especially beneficial. It makes you feel more in control of yourself and increases ‘feel good’ hormones like dopamine that will reduce depression.
Enlightenment Is Not An Exclusive Privilege
One of my Yoga students once asked me if I consider myself spiritually enlightened. I told him that I struggled with that idea, because it implied someone is ‘done’ with their spiritual mission.
It would mean I had accomplished the ultimate spiritual goal and therefore would have no need to continue my spiritual growth and work. It also seems arrogant to say that somehow, some people are ‘more enlightened’ or spiritually more evolved and superior to others.
I once heard a celebrity state in an interview that she knew she was “born to greatness.” I cannot comprehend such blatant entitlement and self-importance…to imagine that anyone was born more for ‘more greatness’ than another! We are all born for greatness in our own way, and none of us are greater than any other.
Therefore, I believe we are all enlightened. Some of us just don’t know it yet.
Spiritual growth or expansion is an eternal process. It is a journey, not a destination. There is no ‘arrival’ and no end. We will always continue to grow more, love more, heal more and learn more.
With that said, I have always felt Earth is a planet for new souls. But even old souls can still learn. There is no special ‘status’ in being a new or old soul. It is simply a matter of how much one has experienced as an individual energy entity.
I have heard over the years clients and students complain they have such a hard time being around people who are “not as enlightened as they are.” I find this arrogant, not spiritual. I believe that all paths lead to God. Just because someone isn’t on the same path doesn’t mean they aren’t headed towards God. Just the thought that we believe we are more enlightened or superior or working harder, shows we have a lot more learning to do.
Stay True To Your Own Best Karma
You may have heard of someone ‘getting their karma’ for something bad they have done, or of wishing bad karma on another for their transgressions. Most people use the word ‘karma’ in this negative sense, usually believing that a person that hurt them will be on the receiving end of the same hurt (or worse) because of their deeds.
But wishing negative karma on another is a dangerous practice. What we think, say and do tend to come back to us, instead of another person. So, when you say something like, “Oh, I can’t wait until they get their karma and someone breaks their heart like they broke mine,” you have in fact declared it for yourself (again).
Karma happens when it happens. Never, ever wish it on another in a negative manner. Your thoughts, words and actions determine what you attract to yourself.
Karma can instead be invoked in an amazingly positive way. Wish everyone good things, positive actions, and uplifting results in their life – even those who wronged you.
Congratulate that person who got the promotion that you wanted. Offer the person who stole from you a blessing. Forgive the person who broke your heart and wish them only happiness in their future life.
This will open the flood gates of good reactions to your actions. There is a cause and effect for everything, so the moment you choose to you’re your thoughts, words and actions all positive and loving, that is what you will attract in return.
Empowering Life Lessons From My Abusive Father
My father Jim had to grow up quickly in the tough pre-war years. He was the eldest of six children and he did not have an easy childhood, nor tolerant parents.
But life became even more challenging for Jim as he reached adulthood. My parents were married at the age of 21 and had three kids by 23, and another baby at 34.
Jim faced many challenges. As a result, to vent his frustration and process all the stress, he often took it out on those closest to him, namely his wife and children.
Let’s just say my father was not always the ideal husband and parent. It became so bad by the time I was an adult that he would do whatever he could to disrupt my life and my family in any way that you might imagine. The sad part was that he actually wanted to hurt us, as doing so gave him a bizarre sense of satisfaction and control over those closest to him.
I first became fully aware of my father’s desire to disempower his kids when I was about 22 years old. The year was 1982, and jobs were very hard to come by in the United Kingdom in those days. I had an office job but wanted something better. So, I decided to attend school for a year to learn shorthand and typing at the local technical college.
One day, I asked my dad if I could get a ride with him to college, because I had to sit an important exam at 2pm that day. He said I need not worry, as he would drop me off in plenty of time. But then he proceeded to make every excuse not to leave the house!
By quarter to two, I started to panic, as I could not possibly walk or catch a bus from my house to the college with so little time. At ten minutes to two, he finally agreed to take me to sit the exam, but then when we got in the car, he said he needed to go to the garage for gas. I looked at the fuel gauge and saw the car’s tank was full.
I suddenly realized he did not want me to sit the exam, as he did not want me to pass it and better myself and become more independent. Thankfully, his sabotage attempt failed, as I did pass the exam and went on to get a higher paying job.
Leave Some Space For Grace
When I read energy, it is shown to me in terms of the strength of that energy. In other words, the strength of the energy is directly tied to its manifestation here in the physical realm. As above, so below.
When we are angry or in conflict, we are often heavily invested in simply being right. And the more the argument evolves… the more virulent the energy becomes. This is never a hopeful, healthy precursor to manifesting better things in our life.
Fortunately, there is the powerful spiritual and emotional energy that love and forgiveness can also manifest in our lives, to counteract the impact of negative emotional energies.
A sister to the energies of love and forgiveness that is not always afforded equal honor, bit is equally powerful is the gift of grace. You may have heard of ‘grace under pressure?’ Essayist William Hazlitt defines grace as “the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul.”
So, what is grace? Webster’s Dictionary defines grace as both a noun and a verb. Noun: unmerited favor, kindness undeserved. Verb: to confer dignity or honor on, or to add beauty to.
Grace is the ‘breath’ we take between anger and forgiveness. It is a choice to be silent, hold our tongue, and open the door for peace to enter into a challenging situation.
Angels naturally possess infinite grace, and many times the angels I work with have to remind me to hold my tongue, think before I speak, and simply be silent and listen to the person I am angry with. Being heard even if we are not understood is very validating. It says to the other person, “you are important to me, what you are feeling and thinking matters to me”. What you give you will receive.
The Universe Knows If You Just Need Your Hair Brushed
A spiritual teacher and metaphysical writer was waiting to board a plane. She had a spiritual book in her lap and was very intent upon what she was reading, until she felt summoned by Spirit to look up. When she did, she saw such a strange sight she had to try to keep from staring.
Humped over in a wheelchair she saw an elderly man. He was skin and bones, dressed in clothes that obviously fit when he was at least twenty pounds heavier. His knees protruded from his trousers, and his shoulders looked like the coat hanger was still in his shirt. His hands looked like tangled masses of veins and bones.
The strangest part of him was his hair and nails. Stringy, gray hair hung well over his shoulders and down part of his back. His fingernails were long and clean, but strangely out of place on an old man.
Beth looked down at her book as fast as she could, discomfort burning in her face, and tried to imagine what his story might be. She found herself wondering if she had just had a Howard Hughes sighting, but then she remembered that he is dead.
So, who was this man in the airport…an impersonator maybe? Was a camera on them somewhere, she wondered. There she sat; trying to concentrate on her book, to keep from being concerned about a thin slice of humanity served on a wheelchair only a few seats from her. All the while, her heart was growing more and more overwhelmed with a feeling of concern for him. Curiosity is a heap more comfortable than true concern, but suddenly Beth was awash with aching emotion for this bizarre looking man.
She had worked with Spirit long enough to see the handwriting on the wall. Beth had learned that when she began to feel what the universe feels, something contrary to her natural feelings, something dramatic is bound to happen…and it may be embarrassing. She immediately began to resist and started arguing with Spirit in her mind. “Oh, no, Spirit, please no,” she thought, but asked, “What are you calling me to do?”
It’s Always Darkest Before The Dawn
Concepts of the Divine, with an ever-changing definition, have been part of the human experience since the beginning of time. Most of the world’s people throughout history continue to recognize a place for divinity in life.
Our spiritual journey, throughout the ages, has been steeped in mystery and often, superstition and dogma. Organized religions have historically attempted to answer deep questions, and have sometimes provided comfort and solace to people during times of upheaval.
However, the most important questions have been left unanswered. For example, we know precious little about ancient, prehistoric cultures that worshiped the Sacred Feminine. Earliest recorded myths and legends have been lost or destroyed, and most stories that remain portray not only a divine battle of the sexes, but a difficult, contentious relationship between the divine and human beings.
The Greek gods, for example, were capricious and mean-spirited. They plotted all sorts of obstacles that humans either did, or did not overcome in order to survive. Guile and trickery also set the stage for many myths from various indigenous cultures, in early human-god myth making.
With the rise of monotheistic religions, mankind was taught to blindly accept whatever lot the almighty doled out, fairly or unfairly. Emphasis was placed on omnipotent power, absolute authority and greatness, beyond any human capacity to comprehend, much less participate in.
These attitudes toward humans’ relationship with God have been echoed in authoritarian family and community practices, and even the military forces of nations. God became the ‘Almighty Father in the Sky’ issuing strict orders. There was no room for questioning in an authoritarian family or society. “Because I said so,” was reason enough to blindly obey. Punishment for infractions or disobedience was swift and sure.