parenting
Helping Children Navigate Divorce
When parents get divorced it is always difficult for the entire family. Navigating through this time is usually challenging. There is also no manual or guidebook for how to do things the right way, so parents have to figure it out as they go.
Same with the children. It can be very scary for them not knowing what to expect and sometimes feeling obligated to take sides. It can be a very sad, stressful time for children, especially when parents are so caught up in their disputes and drama that they lose sight of what is best for their kids. The kids are not the ones getting the divorce.
However, I believe most parents really do try to do their best to soften the blow and make it work for everyone involved.
Children tend to want to please their parents and not cause further upset. So, tend to not speak up. They sometimes suppress their feelings of hurt, resentment or fear. Sometime children feel like they need to choose one parent over another.
Everyone needs to feel they are being heard and their needs considered. It is therefore best to listen to all sides before making decisions. Going through this process can be tricky. You do not want your child to feel neglected or abandoned in the process.
Understanding your children’s needs and feelings, and dealing with it, is the first step into helping your child get through it with the least amount of trauma. If a parent finds this difficult to ascertain, then it is wise for them to get some professional help and guidance.
When Will Your Loved Ones In Spirit Make Contact?
I recently attended my nearest spiritualism centre here in Spain. They don’t have formal Spiritualist churches here, but other venues are used for spiritualist services in various locations across the country. The services I attend are held at a large bakery owned by fellow expats who have passion for spiritualism and enjoy bringing believers together to connect with their loved ones on the Other Side.
At this particular service, a gifted medium from England took the platform. Her energy was serene and caring, and the loving energy among the large gathering was tangible.
Healing was first offered to those in need by a group of spiritual healers prior to the session. Distant healing was also sent to people and pets that could not attend. Their names were read from a list for the congregation to send healing energy. One could feel the unlimited abundance of love energy in the room!
The last time I felt such an intense energy vibration was at the end of a week-long course I attended at the Arthur Findlay College of Spiritualism and Psychic Sciences decades ago. All the inspired students and their mentors were gathered in the large hall for a farewell meditation. A large basket of flowers had been placed in the middle of the auditorium, and I literally saw it levitate a few of inches off the floor that night. The energy from the crowd and spirit’s presence in the room was that loving and powerful!
My father passed almost 17 years ago, but through the years I have had very little spirit communication from my father. Although we were quite close most of my life, and I had nursed him through his final months of terminal illness, he had become bitter and exceptionally domineering towards the end of his life.
Putting Yourself In Time-Out Can Be A Blessing!
When children and teenagers do something that really ticks off their parents, what do they get? Well, they get grounded, or put in time-out, of course! That’s right, kids are given an opportunity to think about the errors of their ways, learn from their mistakes and protect them from their own bad choices.
I remember one day, when I was still a teenager and I was really, really wanting to go out with a frien. She knew a cute boy who just got his own car. They were going to go cruising down this stretch of road that was popular with the local cool kids. I wanted to go so badly, but I got grounded and I was really upset.
But strangely, I also somehow felt relieved that I couldn’t go that day. I sensed that something bad might happen if I did. My mother told me the next day that the boy was tragically killed in an accident with his new car. I would have been with him in the car that night, had I gone out with them. I was only 15 years old at the time, and my life would have been over, or forever changed. I was so glad that my mother grounded me for my own good and that I was still healthy and alive.
I can think of a few times I experienced divine intervention in this way. Since that day there have been several times in my life that I intuitively decided to say no to opportunities, invitations, and even temptations. There are in fact occasions noted in personal journals when I had opted to do something else than was in the offering by way of friends or acquaintances. Later it would become clear that I probably would not have enjoyed myself very much anyway, or I may not have even lived to tell the tale!
Many times, by simply paying attention to the little voice within that says to me, “Get up and leave now,” or acknowledging my negative feelings regarding a certain person, place or situation, I have avoided much trouble in my life.
The Karmic Trap Of Temptation
I love stories that inspires one to look at life differently. I had the pleasure of hearing just such a tale recently, and it was all about temptation.
Imagine Temptation unexpectedly knocking at your door one evening, bearing a gift-wrapped box. He bids you a good day and asks you to invite him into your home. He then offers you the box as a gift and tells you that every time you were to press a button on this box, it will immediately dispense $1,000! You will never have to worry about money again.
But with such an unusually generous gift there is bound to be a catch! Temptation then informs you that every time you press the money box button, a homeless person somewhere in a poverty-stricken community will pass away.
Temptation reassures you however that all people must die sooner or later. And besides, no harm will come to you or your family. You could even use some of the free money to help the disadvantaged in your own community! So, what do you have to lose?
Being human, we are all tempted from time to time. The question is, would you accept such a gift and press the button? Or would you tell Temptation to take the box and leave?
I remember my late mother telling me that when I was about two years old, she kept my baby stroller outside, in the garden, as she had nowhere else to store it when I no longer needed it. It stood there for many weeks, until a struggling young couple knocked on our front door (the woman appeared to be heavily pregnant) and offered to buy the stroller.
Soul Circle Family Ties
Children choose their parents and families before they arrive in this world. In spiritual terms there is therefore no difference between a biological child and an adopted child. All souls belong to a soul group or soul circle, no matter what their chosen physical incarnation and human family structure may be.
The soul of an adopted child is just as much part of her family’s original soul circle as that of her sister, who chose instead to be physically born into the same family. They have both been part of their soul circle for eternity, and always will be.
Parents of adopted children, who also have biological children, will tell you that they feel the same spiritual and emotional bond with all their kids. They experience the same levels of attachment, connection, and love with each child. Spiritually aware parents often also report that they feel they have known the souls of both their adopted and biological children in previous lifetimes, or that there was an instant soul recognition the moment they first saw each child.
We choose our earth families, parents, and physical bodies before we are born. Our soul knows before birth the physical traits, capacities, and disabilities our body will have in this lifetime, as well as the talents, gifts, shortcomings, and limitations we will have in our chosen incarnation.
We also decide how we wish to join our chosen human families, including by birth, surrogacy, adoption, and even the blending of families. These choices our souls make are determined by our chosen soul purpose and life path. There are many karmic reasons why soul circle members may prefer adoption, instead of biological birth.
Karmic Fate Versus Free Will Manifestation
We often say things are ‘meant to be,’ or it was ‘fated’ and therefore out of our hands entirely. But is this really true? How much of what happens in our life is pure luck, chance, or predestined fate? How much of our destiny do we actually control?
Many people also believe that we are able to manifest whatever we want. But how is this even possible if there is such a thing as fate? If predestination or divine will rules part, or even most of our life, then surely there must be limitations or restrictions to what we can manifest?
Well, not exactly. There is fate, but there is also free will.
It is my understanding that fate is related to our karmic life lessons, while free will is our capacity to make choices and manifest aspects of our life as we desire. Many people do this unconsciously most of the time. However, as much as we have free will, the karmic lessons we have to learn are still woven into our life choices and integrated with our manifestations.
So, some aspects of our lives are indeed fated certainties. For example, experiencing certain major life events or traumas. These immutable, unchangeable events or outcomes are related to the karmic lessons we have selected to work through in this lifetime.
If a chosen karmic lesson is, for example, is tied to the experience of infertility it may be ‘fated’ that the person who chose this path will not be able to have children of their own in this lifetime, or will at least struggle to do so. This is an example of how a karmic lesson can limit or restrict manifestation. But, while it may preclude the experience of parenthood in this lifetime, it does not block the potential manifestation of parenting experiences – there are other options open to becoming a parent, such as adoption, fostering, or a blended family.
The Courage To Rescue Your Inner Child
Many people wish they had better memories of their childhood. For some the traumatic experiences of their youth is something they would much rather forget. But spirit has shown me that each piece of our life happens for a reason.
Learning to overcome and rise above the negative events in our life enables us to grow and expand. We do not get to pick and choose the parts we like, and discard the rest in the deepest closet of our mind. We become an empowered, improved version of ourselves when we find healing and forgiveness by redeeming even the worst parts of our life experience.
We all matter. We all bring unique gifts to this world. No matter what has happened to us, we must rescue every lost or damaged moment of our life journey. Those tragic events and awful experiences are what molds us into who we are today and who we are meant to become.
Nobody chooses some the things that might happen to them: family dysfunction, separation, divorce, rivalry, abuse, loss, death. As children we often blame ourselves for the things that happen around us, or we block it out, never wanting to remember it again. But this only means that you have left a part of yourself behind in the darkness of the past. But now that you are older and wiser, wouldn’t it be awesome if you could go back and save that part of you?
As a little girl I loved horses and dogs, but we could not afford to keep any. I made up for it by drawing them. My parents could also not afford to buy me expensive drawing paper, so I had to wait until my mom returned from the grocery store, because I would then get the used brown paper bags to draw on. It may seem somewhat silly, but to this day I still buy lots of paper whenever I get the chance! One would think there was going to be a shortage on paper, based on how I tend to stock up.