toxic relationship
Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough
Sometimes we put our heart and soul into a relationship, only to get cheated on, or dumped for no reason. The main question that usually comes to mind in this type of situation is, “Why am I not good enough?”
Take a moment and consider the relationships of relatives and friends, who have gone through similar a experience. Some people are able to jump right up and move forward, while others sit and wallow in self-doubt and self-loathing – sometimes for years.
Working with many people over the years, one of the biggest eye openers for me has been that it is typically the partner who is left behind, and then struggles to move forward, who compromised the most in the relationship. They usually gave, and gave, and gave, and didn’t receive much in return. Their needs always took a backseat in the relationship. They would sacrifice more and more, until there was nothing left for them to give, while their partner did not change and simply kept using and abusing them.
If you constantly compromise on what you really want from a relationship, the union will at some point simply disintegrate. The other person is never going to magically become someone different. That person you hoped they would become, after you moved in, or after you gave a little more, or after you married them, or after you had a child with them…never shows up. What you see in someone from the start, is simply who they are.
Take Back Your Power!
Everyone has a story to tell about their love life. And some of have extremely abusive stories to tell. One common element that I have come across frequently in my work, is the fact that some people are treated with disrespect and emotional abuse, and yet they are still patiently waiting for the abuser to return to them!
When you ask them why, it is usually because they “still love” that person. Well, that is not love. It is simply an imagined need that has been created by the abuser, or by one’s lack of self-worth. It is a psychological illusion, not real.
If you are still waiting for someone to come back into your life, after they left you for someone else, you are making yourself the second choice. You are degrading your own true value and taking away from your self-worth.
During a workshop I presented on this subject, I asked the participants to write down why they felt they needed that other person in their life. In essence, all their responses ended up being about lack of self-esteem, self-respect and self-security.
The next step was to ask them how they would you feel if they saw someone treating their daughter, or son, in the same way they have been allowing the abusive partner to treat them? They all said they wouldn’t tolerate it. They would intervene and get that person out of their lives, or at least try. One of the delegates even went as far as to say, “I would lock her in the house and never let her out again.” Which might be a great idea under the circumstances, but obviously not realistic!
Choose Your Tribe Wisely
We need to face the fact that some people are unfriendly, heartless, and simply rude! I discovered recently why someone I know personally acts so unfeeling and uncaring towards others. She always seems so wrapped up in her own world and shows no regard for anyone else. This has brought about much dis-ease in her own family and she has also gone through numerous failed romantic relationships.
During a recent family gathering, I was observing her aura and noticed that she suffers tremendous guilt and envy of others. Meanwhile, she is always looking for acceptance and comfort from her many boyfriends, who only stick around until they find out how manipulative and vindictive she really is.
Spirit showed me that she truly hates herself and projects it onto others. She is just not happy and slowly drains the energy of those around her. They usually do not realize this until it is too late. I do wonder how those who orbit around this person can manage to stick around at all, as it seems dis-ease and drama just follows her everywhere she goes in life.
Before her sister’s funeral, she was even snapping and yelling at her youngest daughter for something as trivial as a puzzle piece accidentally dropped on the floor. I asked one of her other children how she grew up to be so loving and sweet, having been raised around that kind of negativity? She said the credit belonged to her grandparents, as well as a few other family members.
I refuse to be unkind to anyone. It is in my nature to be civil and courteous to everyone I meet. It is my motto to leave others feeling better than they were before I interacted with them. But many people, will not even smile, no matter what you say or do. Spirit says this is due to their ‘spark’ being blown out by their own bad life choices and negative thoughts. It’s a matter of free will.
Thank You For Leaving Me
Heartbreak is never easy. I have heard the words, “But I love him,” so many times after a break-up. I have also heard, “No one can replace her.” I have even heard, “I’ll never even think about another person in this way, or even try to find someone new.”
Who is this mindset hurting? Look at the reality of it. It’s not hurting the other person, who walked out on the relationship. They walked out for a reason. Often they have also moved on with someone new. The only person being hurt, by hanging on, is the person hanging on.
I have also heard, “She is my soulmate,” or “He is my twin flame.” Well, if they are not on the same page as you in this lifetime, and not committed to making the relationship work, then they are not your soulmate, or twin flame. It takes a commitment from both parties.
Love is subjective. Love has to be equal from both people involved. However, when only one has their heart and soul invested, it will never last. If someone is able to walk out on the first argument, it is definitely not meant to be. If there is ever disrespect, it is also not meant to be.
I have also been at this place in my life. I was devastated when my husband walked out. I thought I had failed, but then I realized the truth. The marriage was over long before this happened. The equality of feelings was long gone, and respect was non-existent. He controlled what I did, even how I thought at times, and was wreaking havoc on my self-esteem.
Cast Fear Aside And Embrace Courage!
I once read about a woman in a very unhappy relationship. She sought counsel from a highly-revered spiritual leader. In a calming tone, the spiritual guru cautioned that in order to gain marital happiness, the woman would need to let go of the partner she lacked happiness with.
The woman confusingly gazed upon the sage, with her hands tightly tucked under her chair. Again, the holy man repeated that in order for the right man to walk through the door, she would need to let go of the wrong man.
Even more puzzled, the woman confided that she was afraid of being alone. Her teacher, taken aback, turned to the woman and announced that fear was a disease of the mind and the heart – if allowed, fear would keep her in a state of perpetual unhappiness.
How many times have you missed out on life’s many blessings, because you were afraid of moving to a new place, changing career lanes, or ending a relationship with someone who did not honor your greatest dreams? Each of us has experienced these moments of stalemate consciousness in our lives, and each of us has become crippled by fear at some point.
Let me remind you that while a lack of confidence might only slow down your dreams, fear will completely get in the way of the manifestation of your greatest desires and goals. Without personal growth and courage, the formula will not change, and your life will remain the same.
Do Psychics Ever Get Cheated On?
I have been asked if psychics ever get cheated on, since we can perceive other’s intentions and foresee future events. Unfortunately, the answer is yes. And there are several reasons for this. But I can only speak for myself on this issue. I don’t know for sure about other psychics, but for me it is difficult to foresee my own future.
I don’t believe anyone enters a relationship with the intention of becoming the victim of cheating, but people and circumstances change over time. People grow apart. Someone who was devoted in the beginning may not be as loyal later on.
Now, this doesn’t mean that the signs weren’t there and they were ignored. I often try to see the best in people and I tend to ignore the negative stuff. Even when it’s screaming at me.
As a psychic, being in a situation where my partner is cheating is beyond painful. I often know what he is going to do, before he does it. I know what he is doing, when he is doing it. And, at times, I am more or less forced to ‘watch’ it all happen due to flashes of clairvoyant vision.
People have a tendency to be unfaithful in their thinking weeks, or even months, before actually acting upon their impulses. They begin the process by seeking out new romantic partners. Or, having secret conversations with a potential lover. Or, even searching their current partner’s emails and messages looking for evidence of infidelity, so they can justify their own unfaithful behavior.
Sometimes the cheater becomes suspicious, or even paranoid, of everything their partner does and says. They refuse to believe anything that is said. Because, they, themselves cannot be trusted. Therefore, it is impossible for them to trust anyone else, or their motives. Typically, a guilty conscience is expressed as suspicion and false accusations of another, and a clear indication of someone’s own infidelity.
Dealing With A Narcissistic Partner
We all know at least one narcissist. It’s that toxic person in your life who seems charming and likable at first, but is actually extremely self-centered, has an inflated ego, shows no empathy or remorse, and can even become abusive. But what if that person is your partner, or someone you love?
Narcissists want to control. They want others to see them as important, superior and in charge. To a narcissist, someone who suffers from compromised self-esteem, is easy prey, which is why many people who have a narcissistic partner find it difficult to break it off.
Abuse is not always physical. It also takes the form of verbal insults, emotional manipulation or gaslighting, withholding affection, and unequal sharing of duties. All of these forms of abuse feed into a narcissist’s egotism. Narcissists typically try to rope their partners into joining into these negative, harmful relationship patterns.
So, what do you do when you find yourself attached to an abusive narcissist? At first, it’s easy to try and explain away their abusive behavior by citing times when they shows affection, brought gifts, or offered kindness and emotional support. They are good at pretending, but don’t be fooled.
Setting up healthy and definitive boundaries is the first and best defense. Know that you have the right to say no at any time! Falling for gaslighting, emotional manipulation and blackmail is an easy trap, and most narcissists are masters at these psychological games. If you’re unsure of yourself, role-play with a trusted friend or counselor, or read up on the subject. Like most difficult things in life, it takes practice.