toxic relationship
Keeping Your Cool In These Stressful Times
This is a stressful time, but my feeling is the Covid-19 pandemic has happened in our world for a reason. It is has been making us take a real long look at what is most important in life. It has been teaching us to not take our daily lives and our loved ones for granted.
The situation has been causing tremendous stress for many of us and has been challenging many relationships. And some of us are dealing better with it than others. If you have been struggling too, then there are some simple self-care strategies that could be helpful if you are feeling overwhelmed by a situation at home.
Start by holding some space for yourself, by carving out some time to just be by yourself, even it is just an hour. Use this time to do whatever makes you happy. If it means doing absolutely nothing, that is fine too! Having some ‘alone time’ helps to declutter your mind, improve your mood and restore your sense of self. If you cannot find peace at home, then go for a walk, or just go get cup of coffee somewhere nearby.
Meditation or quiet contemplation is a wonderful tool to gain a sense of calm and clarity. Take a moment to reflect on whatever may be bothering you, and try to gain a new perspective on the situation. There are always more than one side to a situation, and many tensions and conflicts can be resolved with cool heads and calm discussions.
Authentic Feelings Are Not Always ‘Sunshine And Rainbows’
What a comfortable, easy life this would be if everyone could just feel like ‘sunshine and rainbows’ all the time. The truth is that the many of the most worthwhile things in life do not come from ‘easy’ and ‘comfortable.’ And when we suppress our true feelings, it is ultimately detrimental to our health body, mind, and spirit.
Revealing our true feelings does not come easily for many of us. I am not trying to make up an excuse, but I just was not brought up that way. My parents’ generation were masters of the art of concealing their true feelings, good or bad. When I am doing a mediumship reading, and a departed parent or grandparent shows up, they often say things like, “I wish I told you more often how much I love you.”
I could count on one hand the moments in my childhood that I can remember my parents showing affection for each other in front of us children. Those of us who had been brought up in such a stoic family environment, tend to struggle when are encouraged to express our deepest emotions. As an adult, I do however see the bigger picture today. And I do feel it is necessary to express one’s feelings in a considerate and healthy way.
In my family my parents also never argued in front of us kids. My dad just gave my mom the silent treatment. We grew up thinking he was just be the ‘strong silent type.’ Consequently, I felt that this was what communication in a marriage should be like.
Of course, reality hit me badly with my first marriage, when my ex-husband and I had our first serious argument! I thought it meant the marriage was now over, because I had no coping skills or frame of reference for this kind of authentic self-expression in a relationship. I also had no clue how to have a good, healthy argument.
Integrating With 5th Dimension Energies
Our world is undergoing a spiritual detox, and it has been putting immense pressure on everyone to take a leap of faith into the fifth dimension of love… or continue living at a lower vibration in the third dimension of ego.
The people who are choosing to elevate themselves at this time, or in the future, may be experiencing ascension symptoms that range from feeling exhausted, confused, physically sick, overly emotional, and disconnected. This is to be expected, since you are cleansing yourself of things, places or people you no longer identify with.
Those who are stuck in the third dimension thrive on creating drama, are typically narcissistic, and have an aura that is muddled in color. They tend to resort to mind games in relationships and have a difficult time being honest about their intentions. Third dimensional people also go along with the crowd, need to be accepted by others incessantly and develop codependent, toxic relationships.
Third dimensional people also tend to be two-faced, because they have more difficulty integrating the darkness-light polarity within them. Those who are empathetic or intuitive generally sense their energy being depleted when around third dimensional people, so it’s best to keep your distance and say no when necessary.
Stay In The Light
During these challenging times, it is essential to stay in the light. It protects your emotional, spiritual, mental and physical health. How do you ‘stay in the light?’ You achieve it by maintaining a raised energy vibration in a time of extreme darkness. It means you don’t get sucked into other people’s drama, darkness, fear and toxicity. You don’t allow yourself to get weighed down by the negativity in the world around you.
Staying in the light doesn’t mean you don’t have an opinion or strong personal views, or that you are not aware, supportive and caring, or that you don’t get involved in the world around you when it truly matters. It simply means you always take care of yourself, while you are doing whatever it is that you need to do every day. Staying in the light is about making self-care a priority.
Staying in the light is about psychic shielding and setting boundaries where and when necessary. For example, avoiding toxic people and environments is one of the best things you can do to stay in the light. You have no obligation to tolerate and accommodate toxic people and energy thieves!
If you work with toxic people, don’t listen to the office gossip and don’t get sucked into their negative world. Also, don’t show them that they may be upsetting, or hurting you. Take a deep breath, call on your inner strength, and simply smile. Own your personal power – you are much stronger than you may realize.
Stay away from social media, if you are easily overwhelmed by negativity. For the first time in human history, we now have the technology to instantly access the opinions, fears, false beliefs and negative experiences of every human being who has access to a keyboard or smart phone. We are confronted daily with the pain, hysterics and drama of thousands of people, all at once!
Spirit Says You Can’t Please Everyone
I have learned that people-pleasing is something that one simply cannot do. People must learn to do it for themselves. We cannot please everyone all of the time, and some people will never be satisfied anyway, no matter how much time, energy and love we offer them. They are simply not ever going to be happy, no matter what. Period.
I can think of various situations where one might feel the need to coddle and people-please those we love and care for, but in the end it will only bring us self dis-ease and stress.
For example, the child who tries to please and be there and do everything for the parent. Why is this a bad idea? Well, the parent may give up if their child tries to do everything for them. Especially if they are older and trying to find themselves and re-establish their own life, after taking care of everyone else their whole life.
Sometimes we can smother an ageing parent with kindness, by trying to do too much for them. When we do this, it makes them second guess their ability to do things for themselves. It may even cause them to worry, have anxiety, or become fearful of living.
It is good to be there for one’s elderly parents, however there is a line that can be crossed if we try and do too much and make them feel like they cannot do certain things anymore. Sure, if their driver’s license has been taken from them, for example, and they cannot see well anymore, then obviously driving them places makes sense. But, if they are still able to function normally, then let them!
Protect Your Energy From Toxic People
It is vital to protect ourselves energetically from toxic, negative people. It is essential to our health and well-being. To one degree or another we’ve all have experienced negative, toxic people. These people are sometimes easy to detect, but not always.
The most typical scenario I have encountered is the unkind or rude family member, or distant relative. These are also the most difficult to dealt with, because we often time have no choice but to spend time with them at family events and gatherings. Usually we feel we have no choice in the matter, bit this is actually not true. We do have a choice.
We don’t have to attend every family event. If you know the toxic person is going to be there, you simply don’t have to rise to the occasion. Stop feeling guilty for not attending. Of course, there are usually other family members who make you feel like you have to be there. “It just won’t be Christmas without you,” they might say. But what it really comes down to is your personal well-being. Sure, you may only have to absorb their negative energy once or twice a year, but just like once you have heard something disturbing you can’t ‘unhear’ it, once you have had the experience it is now a part of your memories.
I prefer to be proactive when it comes to managing my energy. And we do have the right to decide who we choose to spend time with, or not. I prefer spending time with those relatives and friends who are compassionate and kind, instead of those who lack tact, are rude, cruel and inconsiderate. I prefer to avoid those who think their opinions are fact, and who are constantly dropping poison upon others with their negative comments. Not okay. Not ever.
Are You Living An Unexamined Life?
According to Socrates, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” This statement is very powerful, yet it has a very simple meaning. What you do not change, does not change you. When your actions remain the same, so do the results. If you cannot examine the things that are eating at you, the things that have gone wrong in your life, and even the things that have gone right, nothing changes.
We must look at our life and go behind the mask that we may be wearing, to cover up the fact that we are vulnerable inside. There are often so many aspects to our life that requires change in order to move forward to a better place.
For example, are you repeatedly settling for the same type of person as a partner and find it constantly failing? Are you going to a dead-end job day in and day out, that you hate so much that merely entering the workspace already makes you despise the day before it even starts? Do you look in the mirror and see things about yourself that makes you miserable?
Take off the mask of pretension and make an effort to change what isn’t working. Examine why you keep repeating the same patterns.
If you are ending up with the same type of person every time, ask yourself why? Are you trying to meet someone in the same way? Are you settling for someone that is not all that you would like, but feel it’s better than to have no one at all? Are you compromising on what you want? If they are not what you seek, cut them loose. They are not going to suddenly change.