toxic relationship
The Truth Be Told
Have you ever been told you are just too honest? Well, I have, and this very statement has given me a lot of food for thought. I have been wondering why being honest does not typically win any popularity contests?
It took a lot of meditation and mulling it over in my mind for several days, for me to finally decide how I felt about people being ‘too honest.’
Truth be told, I would much rather be honest and deal with other ‘overly honest’ people, than the opposite. I prefer not to have people smile to my face, and then later stab me in the back.
A client who has been reading with me for over a decade, came for a session recently. She was very depressed and teary-eyed. Before we even started, I saw in my mind’s eye my symbol for a broken heart. I also saw that she would find healing, but not soon.
It soon unfolded that her boyfriend of two years had in fact broken up with her and moved out. Spirit then showed me that she had been too honest with him. “He doesn’t always appreciate it when you tell him the truth,” I said. “Even when he asked you for your honest opinion, he would be offended when you gave it to him.
“Yes,” she replied, “the reason he moved on was that I was too honest and direct for his liking.” Just unbelievable, I thought to myself.
Apparently, many people feel it’s okay to tell a little white lie. This is usually the case when they feel being very honest will possibly hurt the other person’s feelings. In my mind, when you ask for an honest opinion, then you are open to the truth. If not, then don’t ask. When I ask my best friend if a pair of blue jeans makes my butt look big, then I really want to know – the truth!
This is what I love about doing readings. Spirit only gives truthful and honest answers. The recipient of this guidance then knows how their choices will influence the direction or the outcome of a situation.
Your Sacred Creative Energy
One of the most powerful and sacred energies we have is our located in our Sacral Chakra, the seat of our sexual and creative energy. This chakra is located just underneath the navel and associated with the color orange.
Orange is the most creative color. I always recommend to my clients who are struggling to design, paint, sculpt, write, choreograph, compose, manifest, or get pregnant, to introduce as much orange in their life as possible. This means wearing orange, decorating your art studio with orange, and even eating oranges and carrots and other orange-colored foods!
Nothing is more powerful or important in life than to create another life. To create a new opportunity for soul growth. To give access to another being to be able to use the planet for spiritual growth. For this reason, our sexual energy and creative energy are intertwined.
When a client tells me they are having a hard time writing their book or completing an art project, I always look into what is happening in there romantic and sex life. Usually there is a problem in this aspect of their life. For example, an unhealthy sexual relationship involving abuse or perversion will stifle someone’s creative energy.
It is vital to know that every person you are sexually intimate with will leave a residue of their energy with you and take some of yours. Sex creates an energy cord between your and the other person. If this is not a healthy sexual exchange, then it may become both energetically and karmically toxic.
The abuse of our own sexuality, as well as the sexual abuse of others, can damage our creative energy. Abuse it, and you will lose it. Sexual trauma is stored in the body and can cause reproductive, psychological and creative damage. Sexual trauma as an adult, or in our childhood, needs a lot of work and time, and sometimes expert guidance, in order to heal.
A Sincere Apology Is Good For The Soul
One of the most difficult things in life is knowing when to apologize. It is obvious in some situations, but in others not so much. There are times when we need to weigh out all our options. Is the situation worth an apology, even if you are not the one who created a problem?
Knowing the right time to apologize is critical to the resolution. Was it done intentionally, or was it unintentional? Did the action cause others stress, worry, or pain?
You must also ask yourself if you can live without apologizing the rest of your life. Is it worth losing a friendship, leaving a group, resigning from a job, or not speaking to a family member ever again?
The good old Golden Rule can always come in handy in this dilemma. If you have done something that you would not want done to you, then apologize and seek atonement! Many people find it almost impossible to apologize. They struggle to acknowledge their own part in an argument or wrongdoing.
Some just do not seem to understand their actions were unacceptable, or they always feel that the world is out to get them. There is no compromise in their mind. They always try to twist every situation to make it seem like it is another person’s fault.
For some people, on the other hand, an apology seems to roll off their tongue a little too easily. When a sincere apology is made it must be followed by actions. Actions speak louder than words. By not repeating the offense, for example, it shows a true and sincere apology.
Sometimes all the other person needs to hear is a sincere, “I am sorry.” When we accept responsibility for our actions, we tell others we are sorry for hurting them. It is not always easy, but releasing guilt always is good for the soul.
True Love Has No Time Limit Or Deadline
We live in a busy world where most of us have gotten used to a very hurried life. Everything is on a strict schedule and time limit, because we now judge everything this way. We have become a restless society demanding instant solutions and immediate gratification in all things.
If the line is too long at the supermarket or fast food restaurant, some of us get upset. If we have to wait for our doctor when we have an appointment, we become annoyed. Some cut in front of others, or even cross streets while the light is still red, because they hate to wait.
Similarly, if we do not get an immediate reaction from our latest love interest, some of us do not become just a little restless or anxious. No, they get really upset!
If this kind of hurried, rushed way of life plagues you, then you may definitely need an major attitude adjustment. Because your naturally loving heart and your capacity for love and romance may be in serious trouble.
Maybe your heart never got the memo that there was no need to constantly hurry up and adhere to time limits and deadlines. What happened to dating? Romantic chats? Patiently anticipated expressions of affection? Dozens of love letters, and more recently emails and test messages? The joint holidays and weekends away? The looking forward to new adventures together?
What happened? What happened to living wholeheartedly in the moment? What happened to just enjoying the ride without constantly watching the calendar or the clock?
The one joy that we all desire and cherish is being loved and feeling special in someone’s eyes. To be affirmed, to be accepted and appreciated, to belong. It gives us an inner peace and happiness that cannot be found in any other way. Love and belonging is a fundamental necessity in everyone’s life. No matter how busy you are. Continue reading
Find The Eye Of The Storm
Your relationship is falling apart, you have lost your job, your finances are in a shambles, you suffer an unexpected loss due to a global pandemic. Chaos comes in many forms and at times it touches multiple areas of our lives at once.
The ripple effect starts in one area and then spreads insidiously, until every aspect of your life begins to look very bleak. Your emotional reserves are drained, confusion sets in and you feel stuck, powerless…reeling from the shock.
When things turn bad in your life this way it can have the force and power of a hurricane or tornado. It can be devastating.
Perhaps you sensed it coming. Your intuitive radar was ‘pinging’, sensing imminent danger, or maybe it caught you completely off-guard. Either way, the results are the same.
Now what? How do you get your bearings, recover your sense of direction, recharge your battery and get the inner strength to move forward?
All tropical storms have a center, or an eye. The stronger the storm the calmer the eye, which is characterized by lighter winds and a clearer sky. So, take a breath – a deep breath – and find your center. Find the eye of your storm.
Making decisions from fear or chaos always increases the strength and ferocity of the storm. Remember, all storms do pass. The beauty of life lies in the newness and change each moment offers us.
The Three Laws of Grace
There are three primary Laws of Grace that function under the overarching Law of Attraction. Grace is generally associated with divine support or spiritual help, but in this context it simply means that we are always free to choose again.
The Law of Love
The first Law of Grace is the Law of Love. The Law of Love does not refer to feelings, sentiments or emotions. Too often it is assumed that love is a feeling we get when we are with someone, but in metaphysics and spirituality love is not a feeling.
Instead, spiritual love is choosing to accept others as they are and to want what is best for them. What most of us know as ‘love’ today is actually ‘like,’ because to like someone or something is conditional. Real love, on the other hand, has no conditions. It is unconditional.
There is also a common belief about ‘love’ that can be very damaging to relationships. Sometimes we create emotional attachments to future events and declare that “this is love.” Yet, it is impossible to love a future other – either you love a person, or you do not.
When people conjure up extensive images and stories about a future version of another person and attach their mental and emotional attention to these things, they often create a strong sense of painful longing, which creates within them the desire to change the other person.
It is this painful yearning that is the key to understanding, because with the Law of Attraction like always attracts like. Painful longing can only ever attract more pain. It does not even matter how compatible two souls are in this life, if one of them is participating in such a painful longing, then pain will inevitably become the result of the relationship.
Love is unconditional acceptance and there is only one love. Therefore, Buddhists believe one cannot have friends and enemies. If you have enemies then eventually all of your friends will become enemies, and vice versa.
Work Through The Fear, Obligation And Guilt (FOG)
Reflecting on my life I have found how many of my early life experiences have subconsciously influenced me, mostly due to a lack of awareness that allowed fear, a sense of obligation and guilt to remain hidden.
These hidden influences mostly come from my formative years and became obstacles I had to repeatedly struggle with in my adult life with regards relationships, career, finances, family and community.
Once I discovered these non-empowering beliefs, it was time for me to get out of the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). In hindsight, several things I was unaware of in my family’s dynamics, were actually ‘seeds’ hidden beneath the surface that in time sprouted into personal challenges and self-sabotage.
Fear
Fear and insecurity are frequent visitors for many of us in all areas of life. I was constantly focused on the negative and worst-case scenarios. This is because our brain is wired this way for the purpose of survival. Much of it also depends on our upbringing. So, we must recognize this and catch ourselves early on, in order to shift our thoughts and emotions in a positive direction.
We must be cognitive of our behaviors and explore where in our life we have learned these negative, fear-based responses. Fear is a natural part of life, but can easily become a ‘whack-a-mole’ of frustration, anxiety, uncertainty and indecision, always showing up at the most inconvenient times.