loss
Gratitude – A Message From My Guides
Sometimes when you are fearful or worried, the last thing you would envision thinking about is gratitude. When you are deep in grief, after the passing of a loved one, being grateful is also not your first thought. When you have lost a job, or have a sick child, the remote idea of gratitude can be the furthest thing from your mind.
However, it is during these times of worry, grief, or fear, that gratitude can be very helpful. If you can focus on even a small success, or a tiny attribute for which you can be grateful, it can make a world of difference to your perspective. Although changing your perspective will not necessarily alter your present circumstance, it can help you cope with your current reality.
Gratitude comes in all shapes and sizes. It can manifest in many forms at any time of the day. It does not have to be something magnificent or worldly, although it certainly can be something momentous, if that is what comes to mind.
Take a few minutes each day to be mindful and appreciative. Your focus can be as simple as having a safe home, or even a nice smile. Or it can be as complex as gradually improving health, or increased financial stability. It might be thoughts of a solid friendship, a dependable baby-sitter, or a full refrigerator. It can involve only yourself, or members of your family. It can encompass your entire neighborhood, your faith, or your workplace.
A Message Of Love From The Rainbow Bridge
Recently, my beloved 18-year-old dog needed to be put down. I asked her, and her sister, to hold on until we moved out of state. For some reason, I just felt the need for them to make one more move with me. They had relocated with me wherever I went for the past 18 years, but this was a big one. They were both amazingly healthy, I was just nervous and concerned for their well-being.
Unfortunately, we were scammed in the real estate deal linked to this move, having been told the heater in our new home had been serviced and was in working order. Arriving there, we found out it was actually a very old oil heater. It was cracked, toxic and not working at all.
Keeping my dogs warm, which is essential for old dogs, was near impossible. The house only allowed for one space heater, or the electricity would go out. The dogs wandered around, and we struggled to keep a blanket or heater on them consistently. Soon one of my dogs stopped walking.
My dog was so loved. The pain was intense when she passed. However, she came to me in a dream soon after. In this vision she was young, beautiful, with a clean, shiny coat. She was also warm and comfortable, lying in the sun. There was a glimmering rainbow on her body – a symbol of the Rainbow Bridge that leads to the Other Side. I knew she was telling me she was doing okay now. She was in the light.
Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough
Sometimes we put our heart and soul into a relationship, only to get cheated on, or dumped for no reason. The main question that usually comes to mind in this type of situation is, “Why am I not good enough?”
Take a moment and consider the relationships of relatives and friends, who have gone through similar a experience. Some people are able to jump right up and move forward, while others sit and wallow in self-doubt and self-loathing – sometimes for years.
Working with many people over the years, one of the biggest eye openers for me has been that it is typically the partner who is left behind, and then struggles to move forward, who compromised the most in the relationship. They usually gave, and gave, and gave, and didn’t receive much in return. Their needs always took a backseat in the relationship. They would sacrifice more and more, until there was nothing left for them to give, while their partner did not change and simply kept using and abusing them.
If you constantly compromise on what you really want from a relationship, the union will at some point simply disintegrate. The other person is never going to magically become someone different. That person you hoped they would become, after you moved in, or after you gave a little more, or after you married them, or after you had a child with them…never shows up. What you see in someone from the start, is simply who they are.
Thank You For Leaving Me
Heartbreak is never easy. I have heard the words, “But I love him,” so many times after a break-up. I have also heard, “No one can replace her.” I have even heard, “I’ll never even think about another person in this way, or even try to find someone new.”
Who is this mindset hurting? Look at the reality of it. It’s not hurting the other person, who walked out on the relationship. They walked out for a reason. Often they have also moved on with someone new. The only person being hurt, by hanging on, is the person hanging on.
I have also heard, “She is my soulmate,” or “He is my twin flame.” Well, if they are not on the same page as you in this lifetime, and not committed to making the relationship work, then they are not your soulmate, or twin flame. It takes a commitment from both parties.
Love is subjective. Love has to be equal from both people involved. However, when only one has their heart and soul invested, it will never last. If someone is able to walk out on the first argument, it is definitely not meant to be. If there is ever disrespect, it is also not meant to be.
I have also been at this place in my life. I was devastated when my husband walked out. I thought I had failed, but then I realized the truth. The marriage was over long before this happened. The equality of feelings was long gone, and respect was non-existent. He controlled what I did, even how I thought at times, and was wreaking havoc on my self-esteem.
To Fester, Or Forgive
Recently, a peer did a short talk on forgiveness, as part of a healing service. Besides her being courageous, sharing aspects of her personal challenges with parents and peers, she also offered a reminder of how instrumental forgiving ourselves is in our healing journey.
The reptilian, primitive part of the brain has a default state of always monitoring its environment. The hunter-gatherer ancestral days had us on constant alert. Anxious. Awaiting possible threat by the saber-tooth tiger. But our modern brain has evolved such, that when we are not active in a task, the brain occupies itself with dwelling on the past.
The idle brain tends to ponder past events and unpleasant thoughts, that in the default state, fill us with anxiety. Pain. Guilt. Self-blame. Shame. Anger. Disappointment.
The typical memories and thoughts, that can consume us in this default state, vary. Some are large and life-changing, such as the loss of a loved one or favorite pet, financial loss, divorce, adultery, retrenchment, and physical or emotional abuse. Others are more behavioral or emotional, but can be just as debilitating.
When our life is ‘heading south’ and we cannot seem to turn things around, we tend to replay the situation. This can lead to becoming more depressed, and having more reason to doubt ourselves. A vicious cycle can result. We spin and spin…like laundry in the dryer, being tumbled. If we remain in that dryer, resentment sets in.
Love Is All You Need
A popular Beatles song was written circa 1967 by John Lennon, as part of the anti-war movement, with a very simplistic set of lyrics about love. “Love is all you need,” proclaims the song. Simple, yet often so elusive to so many of us.
Love is also a “many-splendored thing,” according to the Andy Williams classic. Yet, it is also complex set of emotions, beliefs, and behaviors that we have learned. Either through witnessing, training and personal experiences, which loop back into our behaviors. It is a dynamic process. These beliefs and emotions are then ‘translated’ into feelings. Feelings of attachment, affection, trust, respect, and commitment.
Love is also a topic of discussion, research and vital part of life dating back through all time. Throughout human history priests, philosophers, poets, artists, musicians, and scientists have all contemplated the mysteries and meaning of love.
And love is more than just a feeling between two people. We can have a love for country, nature, freedom, animals, opera music, or cold beer! And anything else that resonates with our heart.
The challenge for many of us in life is the rollercoaster of chasing love. As humans, we seek companionship, community, a sense of purpose. We seek to love and be loved. And we take many actions and steps towards our own definition of love. Yet, it is a dynamic, elusive, ever-changing target – one influenced and even manipulated by the many facets of human desire and emotions. Also, the sometimes harsh realities of life may take away that which we loved so much.
Opening Up To The Spirit Realm
All of us will experience the passing of a loved one at some point in our lives. It is very painful to deal with the aftermath of such a loss, but the ability to communicate with our loved ones on the other side can help to alleviate this trauma.
Since my daughter left this life over five years ago, I have been able to clearly and distinctly see her at any given time, which has been extremely gratifying for me. I has assured me that that she is now in a much nicer, calmer existence.
Her lifetime in this world was at times trying and extremely painful. Part of that was to repay her karmic debt, and the remainder was her individual spiritual journey which had to play itself out.
What I also enjoy is being able to experience with my own eyes how her new life is now so entirely different from the one we shared during her brief stay here. While in this life, she was not such a domesticated character, for example. Obviously she cooked and cleaned to take care of herself and her family, but she never would have been considered a ‘homemaker’ or a ‘kitchen aficionado.’ Quite the contrary to being a ‘domestic goddess,’ her heart was always much more geared towards the creative, artistic, free-spirited side of life.
She painted and sculpted, and wore outlandish clothes with the most confident panache. Her taste in her own personal wardrobe was unusual to say the least, and her home and yard were always decorated with complete abandon and eccentricity. She also was in such total compliance with nature, it was a joy to be able to experience that interaction with her.