loss
A Letter To My Beloved Dog
Precious Elizabeth, it has been nearly two and a half years since you left your physical vessel to live in another dimension. I know you didn’t want to go and held on long past your time – selflessly, because you had such an enormous love for me that you didn’t want to leave me.
Always my protector, I know you couldn’t imagine that anyone other than you could be as fearless and courageous as you were during all those heartfelt times, throughout the 16 years you took care of me. I adored you and you showed your love every day in countless ways. No matter what you were doing, you always dropped everything, anytime I asked you to come to me.
Well, all but that one time!
We were rocking in the willow chairs on the far end of the portico. It was late in the afternoon, on a perfect spring day. I was relaxing in my chair, and you were asleep in your rocking chair next to mine. A big, brown bear then decided to sniff out the contents of the garbage bin at the other end of the portico. Before I had even spotted the bear, you had already leaped from your chair, apparently having smelled the enormous varmint’s odor. You flew at him as if you had wings, in order to chase him away – so protective of me you were.
Tomorrow Will Worry About Itself
Scrolling through my Facebook feed today, I noticed a link to an article titled, “Hell Is Coming.” It featured a graph for the stock market plummeting deeply into the red. Obviously, I did not read the article – the picture and title said enough!
I am sure you have also been noticing an increase in negative messages on social media platforms and in the mainstream news. As a spiritually aware person, I don’t see any intrinsic value in this kind of negative speculation.
Yes, we all must deal with the circumstances that we are currently facing in our world, and it is important to effectively process our feelings along the way. However, when it comes to speculation, there is no difference between a positive speculation and a negative speculation. They are both fantasies conjured in the minds of others, spreading through our adoption of it.
According to some self-proclaimed ‘experts’ the sky is currently falling! Fortunately, I have never taken much stock in conspiracy theories and doomsday soothsayers.
It is true that we are going through a time of unprecedented change, and we are facing challenges that we have never faced before. But, that dramatic article could have easily read, “A Cure For Covid-19 Is Coming” or “This Is A Great Time To Invest In Affordable Stocks.” Why is it that we don’t see many opinions about best-case-scenarios out there?
Gratitude – A Message From My Guides
Sometimes when you are fearful or worried, the last thing you would envision thinking about is gratitude. When you are deep in grief, after the passing of a loved one, being grateful is also not your first thought. When you have lost a job, or have a sick child, the remote idea of gratitude can be the furthest thing from your mind.
However, it is during these times of worry, grief, or fear, that gratitude can be very helpful. If you can focus on even a small success, or a tiny attribute for which you can be grateful, it can make a world of difference to your perspective. Although changing your perspective will not necessarily alter your present circumstance, it can help you cope with your current reality.
Gratitude comes in all shapes and sizes. It can manifest in many forms at any time of the day. It does not have to be something magnificent or worldly, although it certainly can be something momentous, if that is what comes to mind.
Take a few minutes each day to be mindful and appreciative. Your focus can be as simple as having a safe home, or even a nice smile. Or it can be as complex as gradually improving health, or increased financial stability. It might be thoughts of a solid friendship, a dependable baby-sitter, or a full refrigerator. It can involve only yourself, or members of your family. It can encompass your entire neighborhood, your faith, or your workplace.
A Message Of Love From The Rainbow Bridge
Recently, my beloved 18-year-old dog needed to be put down. I asked her, and her sister, to hold on until we moved out of state. For some reason, I just felt the need for them to make one more move with me. They had relocated with me wherever I went for the past 18 years, but this was a big one. They were both amazingly healthy, I was just nervous and concerned for their well-being.
Unfortunately, we were scammed in the real estate deal linked to this move, having been told the heater in our new home had been serviced and was in working order. Arriving there, we found out it was actually a very old oil heater. It was cracked, toxic and not working at all.
Keeping my dogs warm, which is essential for old dogs, was near impossible. The house only allowed for one space heater, or the electricity would go out. The dogs wandered around, and we struggled to keep a blanket or heater on them consistently. Soon one of my dogs stopped walking.
My dog was so loved. The pain was intense when she passed. However, she came to me in a dream soon after. In this vision she was young, beautiful, with a clean, shiny coat. She was also warm and comfortable, lying in the sun. There was a glimmering rainbow on her body – a symbol of the Rainbow Bridge that leads to the Other Side. I knew she was telling me she was doing okay now. She was in the light.
Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough
Sometimes we put our heart and soul into a relationship, only to get cheated on, or dumped for no reason. The main question that usually comes to mind in this type of situation is, “Why am I not good enough?”
Take a moment and consider the relationships of relatives and friends, who have gone through similar a experience. Some people are able to jump right up and move forward, while others sit and wallow in self-doubt and self-loathing – sometimes for years.
Working with many people over the years, one of the biggest eye openers for me has been that it is typically the partner who is left behind, and then struggles to move forward, who compromised the most in the relationship. They usually gave, and gave, and gave, and didn’t receive much in return. Their needs always took a backseat in the relationship. They would sacrifice more and more, until there was nothing left for them to give, while their partner did not change and simply kept using and abusing them.
If you constantly compromise on what you really want from a relationship, the union will at some point simply disintegrate. The other person is never going to magically become someone different. That person you hoped they would become, after you moved in, or after you gave a little more, or after you married them, or after you had a child with them…never shows up. What you see in someone from the start, is simply who they are.
Thank You For Leaving Me
Heartbreak is never easy. I have heard the words, “But I love him,” so many times after a break-up. I have also heard, “No one can replace her.” I have even heard, “I’ll never even think about another person in this way, or even try to find someone new.”
Who is this mindset hurting? Look at the reality of it. It’s not hurting the other person, who walked out on the relationship. They walked out for a reason. Often they have also moved on with someone new. The only person being hurt, by hanging on, is the person hanging on.
I have also heard, “She is my soulmate,” or “He is my twin flame.” Well, if they are not on the same page as you in this lifetime, and not committed to making the relationship work, then they are not your soulmate, or twin flame. It takes a commitment from both parties.
Love is subjective. Love has to be equal from both people involved. However, when only one has their heart and soul invested, it will never last. If someone is able to walk out on the first argument, it is definitely not meant to be. If there is ever disrespect, it is also not meant to be.
I have also been at this place in my life. I was devastated when my husband walked out. I thought I had failed, but then I realized the truth. The marriage was over long before this happened. The equality of feelings was long gone, and respect was non-existent. He controlled what I did, even how I thought at times, and was wreaking havoc on my self-esteem.
To Fester, Or Forgive
Recently, a peer did a short talk on forgiveness, as part of a healing service. Besides her being courageous, sharing aspects of her personal challenges with parents and peers, she also offered a reminder of how instrumental forgiving ourselves is in our healing journey.
The reptilian, primitive part of the brain has a default state of always monitoring its environment. The hunter-gatherer ancestral days had us on constant alert. Anxious. Awaiting possible threat by the saber-tooth tiger. But our modern brain has evolved such, that when we are not active in a task, the brain occupies itself with dwelling on the past.
The idle brain tends to ponder past events and unpleasant thoughts, that in the default state, fill us with anxiety. Pain. Guilt. Self-blame. Shame. Anger. Disappointment.
The typical memories and thoughts, that can consume us in this default state, vary. Some are large and life-changing, such as the loss of a loved one or favorite pet, financial loss, divorce, adultery, retrenchment, and physical or emotional abuse. Others are more behavioral or emotional, but can be just as debilitating.
When our life is ‘heading south’ and we cannot seem to turn things around, we tend to replay the situation. This can lead to becoming more depressed, and having more reason to doubt ourselves. A vicious cycle can result. We spin and spin…like laundry in the dryer, being tumbled. If we remain in that dryer, resentment sets in.