trauma
The True Power Of Your Worst Nightmares
When I was 24 years old, I was a somewhat disempowered young lady who went to work for the city council. All the girls in the office had an active social life and a boyfriend, except me.
In fact, I was bullied for it and became a bit of a joke around the water cooler, to the extent that I could not properly concentrate on the task at hand and ultimately lost my job. Looking back, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. But, at the time, it did not feel like it.
About a year ago, I started to have a recurring dream that I was 24 again, and sharing an office with the same mean girls, supervised by the same misogynist boss. But this time I had a very different mindset.
In my dream, the boss had criticized my work. So, I pick up the documents he complained about to, walk up to his office, put it on his desk, and tell him politely to type his own letters in future. I was going home now, because I am no longer prepared to put up with his nonsense.
Well, if only I had the same courage back in the old days, I might have suffered far less emotional anguish! I felt really empowered in the dream, and it brought me the realization that I no longer have to suffer fools and that I need to stick up for myself more often. However, the dream also revealed to me that I still had not entirely made peace with the past, otherwise the dream would not be recurring.
The moral of the story is that dreams do not only reflect how we are doing in the present, and how far we have advanced in life, but also what we need to do to work on ourselves to be even better in the future. How powerful and life-enhancing is that!
Another compelling dream I have been having of late is of myself flying a light hovercraft over the estate where I lived as a child. I faced several challenging, traumatizing things growing up there, including poverty and domestic abuse. However, this liberating dream confirms that I have managed to rise above those childhood setbacks and obstacles, and I am now in control of my own life and destiny.
Our Deepest Wound Can Become Our Greatest Power
Mercury retrograde thankfully ends today! Astrologers predicted this retrograde would allow us the freedom to purify our lives by releasing people, circumstances, and behaviors that are holding us back or no longer serve us. It certainly kicked up a lot of old wounds and baggage for many of my clients, and also for myself.
This was probably due to a number of reasons, including Uranus and Venus both being retrograde at the same time, and the combination of Mercury retrograde occurring along with a Full Moon in Cancer on January 17th. Many people I did readings for during this astrological period were all dealing with painful memories, unhealed traumas, and intense emotions.
At one point I decided to take a break myself, to create some space and allow my own unresolved emotion to surface. Every time I found becoming unnecessarily defensive, or attempting to place blame on others, I immediately pivoted my attention back to myself and ventured within – to where the origination of this pain truly stemmed from.
I especially found my thoughts were constantly going to my parents and particularly to my mother. My maternal grandmother passed away when my mom was only 13 years old. This has been a recurring theme throughout my life, with me wondering if this had anything to do with my mom always being so hard on me? I, fact, it became the official ‘excuse’ for our difficult relationship.
My recent retrograde self-exploration made me realize that no matter how hard my brain might try to rationalize this old pain, my body still would not accept it. For the first time in all these years, I finally allowed myself to go inside this wound, to examine my inner truth. I had a conversation with this old wound and allowed it to speak to me directly.
The Gift Of Kindness
I was thinking today of the many beautiful acts of kindness people have shown me since my husband passed away last year. And then, some song lyrics from the movie, The Sound of Music, came to mind:
Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good.
Yes, perhaps I did some good somewhere in my life, and now I am getting some of it back, tenfold, or more!
There was a period of time, after his sudden death, when it felt as if I was carried by the locals here in Spain. I was pretty much told what to do and not just offered help. For example, when I got the news of his passing from the policeman who answered his phone at the car crash scene, I immediately went on ‘autopilot’ and attempted to cancel a coffee date I had with one of my best friends. But she simply said, “I am coming, you aren’t going alone to the scene. I am going with you!” And then she saw to everything. I was unable to speak in any language at that point, and fortunately she took over.
Christmas and New Year followed, and again my friend told me, in no uncertain terms: you are going to be with me and my family during this period. I began finding reasons and excuses as to why I might not be able to get to their home, including a possibility of snow, which had us housebound for a few days a couple of years prior. But, they were having none of that. My friend’s husband said, “My tractor will reach you whatever the weather!”
Post-death paperwork is messy in a foreign country. Red tape and bureaucracy can be a nightmare in Spain, if there is no last will and testament! Once again, I was given months of unconditional help by friends and neighbors, as we went from one government department to another to sort out complications. Even the lawyers assisting with the car insurance policy, which went above and beyond their pro bono role in the arrangements. They would accept no further payment, but were delighted when I gifted them each some Doreen Virtue angel cards in Spanish.
Making A Meaningful Change
Most of us have been struggling with stress, anxiety and depression over the past two years. Whatever your personal struggles are, they are real and valid. The pandemic has been affecting everyone differently.
It is important to acknowledge your feelings and deal with it. Ignoring your struggles will only allow it to become bigger issues. Stress and trauma takes its toll on all of us, especially if left unattended. The best thing you can do for yourself and the people around you is to process it and work towards healing.
It is also vital to understand that your joy and happiness is not dependent on other people, material things, or external circumstances. It can only be found within yourself. And often the only way to access this happiness and joy within is to make some real, meaningful changes in your life.
Many people never find their joy and happiness, because they do not know what brings them joy and makes them truly happy. This is the big question. Look within and find makes you happiest. Then concentrate on that. Make a plan and start working towards it. It may sound simplistic, but it will soon begin to manifest in your life if you believe it.
For example, if you want to be in a happy, healthy relationship and you are tired of the bad relationship you are currently in, decide to make the change. Simply choose to be happy. You deserve to be happy and to be loved. Decide that you want to make it happen. It really is as simple as that.
Banish Fear With The Power Of The Heart
I woke up from a powerful dream this morning. I was on the top floor of a high-rise building that had been struck by lightning. The building slowly started to move, to quake. I could see from the window neighboring structures being destroyed, and I sensed my own building’s collapse was imminent…with me inside it!
Could I make it down the stairs in time? I was about to try, but my exit was delayed by a pair of sparkling opal earrings that I simply had to take with me! But I could not manage to hold onto them for long. They kept slipping out of my hand, while the apocalypse was happening all around me.
I just had to bring the blingy earbobs – I am a Taurus, after all.
Then, as I gazed at the two little treasures, a stark truth hit me. I suddenly realized these material things do not matter in life and it shouldn’t delay me further. I also understood for some reason that the earrings now belonged to someone else and would bring them much joy in future. So, I returned the jewelry to the table where I found it…just before my building finally came crashing down.
Certainly, a lot to unpack. Temptation, ownership, materialism, impermanence, spiritual values, mortality, life goals.
But let’s get back to the dream.
Somehow, incredulously, like in a Marvel Comics adventure, I landed outside, unharmed. Then I found myself on a raft, with my immediate family all suddenly with me. We were rapidly floating together down a river.
Then it was time for us to get off, before we got hurt, but we were reluctant to do so. Suddenly, there was a friendly tribe of indigenous people on the bank of the river, expectantly waiting for us by a wall. So, we felt safe to dive off the raft, and we did so. The tribe members showed us the way through a hidden opening in the wall, and we all made it out safely to someplace new!
Transform Your Life With Daily Spiritual Power
If you are seeking change in your life, you must create the change. You alone create your reality. Your future happiness, joy and fulfillment does not depend on others. It truly depends on you, and you only. But it is not necessary for you to plan or control exactly how everything will change or work out. Leave the ultimate manifestation and transformation to Spirit and the Divine. But you must at least believe your life can change, and will change. And the best way to ensure such transformational changes in your life is to spiritual practice a part of your daily lifestyle.
My daily routine, which rarely changes, includes the following spiritual practices. Upon awakening I immediately do my affirmation prayer for the day.
Thank you, Universe for this amazing, positive, successful, and abundant day ahead of me. I know it will be better than yesterday and I am ready!
Thank you, Archangel Michael for putting your cloak of protection around me, from above my head to below my feet. May it shield me from all negative energy and bounce it back in to the ethers, instead of attaching itself to me during my day.
I also ask this for my partner, children and grandchildren. Amen.
After my prayer, I am grounded and centered to confidently go about my daily business. Even if I have nothing major going on, I will still get dressed as if I have something important to do that day. This further ‘lifts my energy,’ because as I look in the mirror and I feel prepared anything. I know I am going to be successful, happy and in a good place for the day.
One I am turned-out for the day, and before I start working, I sit at my desk and study at least one chapter in a spiritual book, as I need this knowledge every day in my work with my clients all over the world. Some of my favorite inspirational sources to date are Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz; You2 by Price Pritchett; The Power of Awareness by Neville Goddard; You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay; and The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. But I have many others in my personal library.
The Lotus Flower Reading
I recently attended an online psychic development workshop. In one of the tasks, we had to partner with another student and do a ‘flower reading.’ I know touching an object using psychometry works well in readings, but this is something else.
Our teacher paired us up and we didn’t know in advance with whom. We also had to intuitively pick a flower for our partner beforehand. At the beginning of the session, we had to show the other person the actual flower or a color photo of the flower we had chosen for them on our shared screens.
In preparation for this, I placed many pieces of paper, each with the name of a different flower on it, into a bag, shook it up, and drew one. Spirit guided me to select the Indian lotus flower or nelumbo nucifera.
When it was my turn to read for my classmate, I relaxed and observed the image of the lovely white lotus in front of me. The depth of information that came forth in the reading about her past, how her life was now, and what lay ahead, was truly amazing!
The reading revealed that she was going to be blossoming soon like the lotus, because she currently finds herself in a strong development stage. I later learned that she’d been through some dark times, almost giving up on herself. She had recently begun doing deep shadow work, as well as exploring her psychic development.
She is also recovering from a recent trauma and the lotus is traditionally known for being the ideal gift for someone recovering from any traumatic experience or physical injury. Many years ago, I attended a Yoga class during which the challenges of the lotus position was discussed in-depth. The teacher said that through proper breathwork and becoming more flexible, one’s body will allow you to achieve this pose.
I was only 19 years old at the time and not very supple. I saw no hope of achieving that position for quite some time. However, only a few classes later, we did a session during which a lot of emphasis was placed on our breathing. And to my amazement, I was able to easily get into the lotus position!