life lessons
The Importance Of Self-Trust
Of all the relationships in our life, none is more complicated or important than the one we have with self. And the cornerstone of this relationship is self-trust. Unfortunately, it is easy to damage the trust we place in ourselves. Why? Because all of us have or will make choices and decisions that don’t produce the desired outcome.
A relationship fails and we blame or question ourselves; a job opportunity eludes us; or a friendship fractures beyond repair. We lose self-trust when we don’t achieve a goal, whatever that goal may be. Then we may begin to question our own abilities, our dreams, and our worthiness to have them manifest in our life.
Every time we replay an event we label a failure the doubt in our own judgment and our self-worth increases. Self-confidence stems from self-trust, so the cycle can be a vicious one.
So, how can we repair self-trust? First, decide to give yourself a break. You made what you believed to be the best decision or choice in the moment. If you are saying, “No, I didn’t, I know I should have done…,” then stop and choose to forgive yourself for not trusting your instincts in that moment. Holding a grudge against yourself only assures that the pattern will repeat.
Next, decide to honor your emotions. If you have made choices and decisions that you perceive as a failure, then the tendency is to begin to substitute the opinions of others over our own intuition, desires and dreams. This pattern can lead to co-dependency, confusion and fear. Self-trust is harnessed when we follow our sacred wisdom, instead of looking outside ourselves to provide inner peace.
The Haunting That Still Haunts
Have you ever experienced something that was so scary you just couldn’t forget about it? No matter how many years have passed you still can’t get it out of your mind? I have had several such terrifying experiences in my life. Try as I might, I just simply can’t forget about those occurrences.
I can’t forget for example, about the time I experienced severe sleep paralysis. It was frightening beyond measure. I also can’t forget the feeling I got one time that I had to leave the place where I was living, and that I had to leave now. Later that week I discovered that the person I was sharing living space with, had been murdered. So, if your intuition tells to get out of an environment, listen to it!
Another experience that I will never forget had to do with a Ouija board. It was several decades ago. My friends and I were dabbling with one. We asked for a spirit entity to come through and we did make contact with someone… or something. It made the people I was with very scared, so they all left. But I continued to play with the board on my own, and when I asked what the spirit’s name was, and it spelled out the name Ralph.
I asked Ralph what he did in life and he said that he had owned a farm, which was on the land where I was living at the time. He also revealed that many animals had died on that land, because there had been a terrible plague and a shortage of medicine that could save them. After he lost his cattle, he built a home which ended up burning down to the ground. So, there had been a lot of suffering occurring on that piece of land.
I later did some research and found out that there had in fact been a farm on that property long ago. I also did a ritual to help the spirits of the farmer and his animals find peace. I blessed the land and burned lots of sage.
The Life Lesson Of ‘Making Plans’
‘Making plans’ has been a life lesson for me. Whenever I make serious plans, they always tend to fall through. Something usually comes up, or it just doesn’t work out.
It has been at times almost comical. I even started telling people, whenever they invite me to attend an event, or go somewhere with them, or sign up for something important, that I plan on possibly doing this with them, but I am not going to say it is definite….because then it probably won’t work out.
In time I came to realize that the Universe was teaching me, over and over again, to not make any major plans. The lesson for me has been simply to never say yes to anything with absolute certainty. Why? Because nothing is ever guaranteed. Things change, things happen… and not only to us, but also to others. It is often a domino effect that can impact our plans in many ways. Today, tomorrow, nothing is ever guaranteed.
In the process I have also learned to curb my emotions. You may find this odd or strange, but it has been my truth for more than four decades. In my experience, whenever I get super excited about something, it either gets taken away from me, or something happens to changes it for the worse.
Active Listening – A Message From My Guides
Your ears are working all day long. They hear thousands and thousands of sounds. Most sounds are routine, so many are dismissed as the normal cacophony of a busy life.
Without particularly focusing, you can easily differentiate between outdoor construction work, the squeal of tires on pavement, and the subtle dripping of a faucet indoors. You can also be awakened by an unusual sound while you are sound asleep.
With all this hearing going on 24/7, how often do you really make time to truly listen? Not just to miscellaneous, irrelevant sounds, or humdrum activity, but to the voices of loved ones and your own inner voice?
The key here is time. Everyone is so busy these days, that we are often thinking of something in the past, or planning hours, days or weeks in advance. Meanwhile, golden opportunities to learn more about each other can easily slip by.
People often hide their fears behind words of bravado or arrogance. When strangled by ego, they can overcompensate by sounding obnoxious or condescending. When they are feeling small or insignificant, people can try too hard to impress. Each of these attitudes can be annoying to the listener.
Ignoring The Signs In Matters Of The Heart
Many years ago, while consoling my best friend after a major breakup, it came to me that she was doing everything possible to continue holding on to what Spirit was removing from her life.
Sitting next to her, as she held on to her laptop hoping to find her lover’s name amidst emails, was like witnessing a tragedy. It was a heartbreak that most of us will experience at some point in our lives, either directly or indirectly.
After a year-long courtship, the ‘man of her dreams’ suddenly began to distance himself without any explanation. The calls became less, the frequent text messages disappeared, and there were no longer any plans on the calendar for their usual weekend outings.
I offered my friend a shoulder to cry on, and searched my mind for the appropriate, most comforting words to speak, but I could feel her gradually pulling away. All that mattered to her at that moment was establishing a deeper connection with her missing-in-action lover.
My friend resisted my recommendation to slow down, to find her center, and most of all… to let go. Instead, she suddenly bolted from her chair, threw on her coat and scarf, and fled the scene.
Several hours later, I received a frantic call from her. While parked outside of her boyfriend’s apartment, she saw him leave with his arm around another woman. Apparently, it was very clear from their mutual displays of affection, that he was in love with someone else.
Months went by, with my friend still holding on to the false hope that her love would someday return. Meanwhile, several very nice men attempted to get her attention, but she turned down each and every one. She even received a lucrative job offer, that came with a coveted geographical relocation, but she refused it. She turned her back on this amazing opportunity for fear of moving too far away from her ex.
Change Is A Spiritual Blessing
Changes can happen at any time in your life. It is often spontaneous, but it can also be triggered by major life events, such as the loss of a partner, spouse, or anyone that you love or care about. Whatever it may be, change is what we’re hit with in these times, and it can be so scary.
We often fear change or moving on. We enjoy changing our environment or lifestyle, or letting go of the memories, but change also has so many possibilities! Sometimes it’s actually what you have been waiting for, but we hold ourselves back.
No matter how much you try to avoid it, or fear it, change is constantly taking place in and around us. Our souls are always evolving, whether we want it to, or not. We must embrace this and open ourselves to it, because change can be very positive. For example, when you know that you must leave a bad relationship, because it is toxic, or when you need to move out of a home to downsize, because it makes better financial sense.
Starting over, making new friends, being happy, this is all part of change. Sometimes we have to learn to let go of things, to have more meaning and happiness in our lives. No one should ever force you into change against your free will, but many of us also try to prevent change from happening, keeping things the way they are, because it is convenient. But then they don’t grow personally, neither do they spiritually evolve.
You Could Choose Peace Instead
It is the natural order for seasons to change. This is true on a macro scale in weather systems, and on a micro scale on our soul’s journey. Life is a constant ebb and flow, and it is useless to fight against the tides. Spirit often reminds us, when we are in a difficult season, that it is simply a part of the process of change and growth.
I read the Tarot, a divination system based on universal archetypes, which can be used to see the momentum of a person’s life. The Tarot consists of many archetypes that are challenging and even represent the darker aspects of the human experience. However, these experiences are not ‘bad’ or ‘wrong.’
Too often people will get a challenging message from the Tarot and they will immediately freak out. However, all of life is meant to be embraced and we all have the ability to transcend even the most challenging of obstacles.
There are two primary factors that decrease the severity of the challenges we face in life. The first is acceptance and the second is responsibility.
Becoming ‘stressed out’ over our circumstances cannot resolve the challenges we are facing. We must accept where we are and understand that we cannot change the past. We have no power over the things that led us to this moment, or to these challenges. The only thing we can do is accept the circumstances and understand that we are the only ones that have the power to make changes in our life.