isolation
Good Old-Fashioned Human Connection
Recently I met up with a good friend whom I had not seen in a long time. Our friendship began nine years ago when I lived in another province of Spain, adjacent to the one where I now live.
Of course, since I moved, we see less of each other. Once in a while I drive over to see her, and a round trip takes me about two and a half hours.
She is a vibrant, kind woman who, along with her extended family, helped me through a particularly difficult time a few years ago. They always made me feel very welcome when I lived there and tried very hard to persuade me not to move away!
She can be great company, but lately she has not been as present as she was when we first met. You might have guessed why. Yes, indeed, social media on her phone has become a major new focus for her. It has become a significant distraction during our visits in recent months.
Knowing how kind, generous and caring she truly is, I do not take it personally. I realize that, like many people around the world, her social media messaging and texting became an important substitute for the lack of personal interaction and social connection during the isolated, lonely times caused by the recent pandemic. For many, it has since become a habit and a new way of life, and for some, an addiction.
A few days ago, thankfully, she had an epiphany for which one can only pray. Instead of her constantly scrolling through her phone, we spent some quality time together for a change, strolling around town, eating lunch, and talking non-stop like we had not seen each other in years!
Kindness Will Transform Your Life
Recently, I have noticed that many of my clients are increasingly seeking spiritual guidance for loneliness and feelings of isolation. No matter what their unique circumstances may be, spirit’s response in these matters is always that the solution begins with ourselves.
We must be the change we wish to see in our world in order to live a more connected and joyful life. Yes, the world we live in these days can be very stressful and alienating, but that does not prevent us from being more kind and generous to others.
Whether it is a smile, opening a door for a stranger, saying thank you or have a nice day, giving a compliment, or making a small donation to a charity, these small gestures every day have a magical impact on our lives. Spirit says we have chosen to experience this life and it is part of our soul journey to go out and be the difference we wish to see in this sometimes difficult, chaotic world.
Being kind is a powerful daily reminder to ourselves and others of our interconnectedness; that we are all on this journey together. Whether it’s a small gesture of kindness or a grand act of generosity, the ripple effect of compassion creates a chain reaction that inspires others to pay it forward.
Grandma Will Wear Her Big Girl Boots!
I recently discovered a website where you can “rent a friend”. It made me wonder, why would anyone need to rent a friend? Isn’t making friends a natural thing?
Normally, people who have something in common or enjoy each other’s company tend to gravitate toward each other. Even when attending a large social gathering, people tend to find like-minded people in the crowd to interact with. So, why in the world would anyone ever need to ‘rent’ a friend?
Well, the site had a list of occasions when one might want to purchase this type of service. Some of the things on the list included hiring a companion to be your plus one at a wedding, or to go to the theater, sightseeing, dinner, or even traveling abroad.
Essentially, the service connects people with common interests.
Then I wondered, are there really enough people who would use such a service to make it profitable? Apparently, there are and I should not have been be surprised. Our social life increasingly depends on digital technology.
Most of us are lucky if we can count on one hand the friends we can invite to join us on some of our adventures, let alone the few close friends we can count on in good times and bad. It is rare to have friends who have the time, money, or energy to do fun things with us on a regular basis.
Friends For A Reason, A Season, Or A Lifetime
I recently reconnected with a family friend with whom I had a very close relationship about three decades ago. She was like a mother figure in some ways, even though she was only about 12 years older than me at the time.
She is a very caring and nurturing person and was always there for me when my own mother was physically or emotionally unable. Her door was always open and she always had many people around her. After working in retail for many years, she changed careers to become a full-time caregiver, which she loved. After she retired and her husband passed away, she continued to be very active and had a very vibrant social life.
But during the Covid-19 pandemic, like many people her age, she experienced intense isolation and trauma. We spoke frequently on the phone during this time, and she was very much looking forward to the restrictions finally being lifted.
However, when the worst was over and most restrictions were lifted, her group of friends remained afraid to go out. Some of them even developed agoraphobia, a type of anxiety disorder that causes people to experience extreme, irrational fear of public places and unpredictable situations that they imagine could cause them harm, panic, or helplessness.
My dear friend was deeply affected by this. Seeing all her friends again was one of the things that kept her strong and hopeful through the chaos of the pandemic. But now she felt she had lost her tribe (beyond her family, who all have busy, demanding lives of their own and live several hours away). Fortunately, she is a determined soul who will not easily accept defeat and apparently she is gradually getting more of the old gang together for their usual fun meet-ups!
Remember, You Are Never Alone
The night is creeping up so quickly. You had so many plans for the day that has passed. You were sure that today was the day that miracles would come, that they would begin to flow. Yes, you have made some progress, you have removed some of the obstacles in your path, but here you are in the darkest part of the night, still in that place where doubt, anger, worry reign supreme.
In such moments we begin to feel alone. like a ship without a life raft, no one to call, no one to care.
Remember, we are never alone. The energies around us, the old ones, the ancients, the universe itself is here to hear our cry, our call. There are answers not only within ourselves, but there are messengers sent to Earth to listen, to hear, to care. These divine messengers come because the Great Spirit sends each one to us at just the right time.
An animal or bird we don’t normally see may appear on our path to instinctively give us the strength we may need on that path. An old beggar on the street asking for a few coins may speak words that stun us because they are exactly the words we needed to hear.
We reach out to chat groups for online support and hear craziness, advice that we can barely realistically believe. We have become cynical, forgetting that the universe puts what we need in our path when we need it.
There is no such thing as ‘being alone.’ We have the whole universe around us. So, sing out to the universe your pain, your despair. Your heart will receive the messages you need, the answers you want.
The Spiritual Wisdom Of Solitude
In the age of digital ‘connection,’ we are becoming more socially disconnected than ever before in human history. In fact, loneliness has become a secret epidemic profoundly affecting many people all over the world. A 2022 study of the prevalence of loneliness across 113 countries found that “problematic levels of loneliness are experienced by a substantial proportion of the population in many countries.”
There is strong evidence that loneliness or social isolation is a serious health risk that increases premature death from all causes, similar to smoking, obesity, and lack of exercise. It is also specifically linked to higher rates of heart failure, dementia, depression, anxiety, and suicide.
Loneliness must however not be confused with solitude, which is in fact a powerful aspect of spiritual practice that has been practiced since the dawn of time.
Loneliness is the feeling of being alone and isolated, regardless the amount of social contact. In other words, social isolation can cause a sense of loneliness in some of us, but we can also feel intensely lonely without being socially isolated. One can feel lonely even when there are many people present in our life.
Solitude, on the other hand, is the conscious choice to be alone, usually for the purpose of personal reflection, recharging one’s energy, spiritual contemplation, or simply enjoyment of your own company. It’s about purposely choosing to be present with yourself, rather than the lack of social connection.
When Angels Are Passing
When I was nine years old, British troops were deployed to Northern Ireland after violence had erupted in the streets and the local police were no longer able to cope. Johnny, a young man from our neighborhood, was one of those soldiers called up. He was about 20 years old and lived just down the road from us.
Sadly, after just two months in active service, Johnny suffered a fatal bullet wound. His passing shocked our community and understandably devastated his family. My mother and I visited his mom at the time to convey our condolences. I remember her telling my mother that at the very moment of Johnny’s passing, everything in their family home went deathly silent because, as he put it, “the angels were passing.”
Her profound words left a lasting impression on me. At first, I wondered if this meant that angels sometimes also carry bad omens or bring us tidings of misfortune? But my mom soon put my mind at ease and explained that it meant quite the opposite. Angels show up to comfort and carry us through difficult times, such as at funerals and untimely passings. They bring us a sense of peace and support when it is most needed. With sudden passings, the angels make their presence known, like they did with Johnny’s family, at the moment of the person’s passing.
Almost 50 years later, my dear mother was a nursing home and not in the best of health. I was very worried about her. One morning, I drove into town to take my mind off things. I soon noticed the car park and the streets were exceptionally quiet and empty for this the time of the day, and month. I remember briefly thinking to myself it’s as if ‘the angels are passing.’ Later, when I arrived home, my husband informed me that my mother had passed.