Good Old-Fashioned Human Connection

Recently I met up with a good friend whom I had not seen in a long time. Our friendship began nine years ago when I lived in another province of Spain, adjacent to the one where I now live.

Of course, since I moved, we see less of each other. Once in a while I drive over to see her, and a round trip takes me about two and a half hours.

She is a vibrant, kind woman who, along with her extended family, helped me through a particularly difficult time a few years ago. They always made me feel very welcome when I lived there and tried very hard to persuade me not to move away!

She can be great company, but lately she has not been as present as she was when we first met. You might have guessed why. Yes, indeed, social media on her phone has become a major new focus for her. It has become a significant distraction during our visits in recent months.

Knowing how kind, generous and caring she truly is, I do not take it personally. I realize that, like many people around the world, her social media messaging and texting became an important substitute for the lack of personal interaction and social connection during the isolated, lonely times caused by the recent pandemic. For many, it has since become a habit and a new way of life, and for some, an addiction.

A few days ago, thankfully, she had an epiphany for which one can only pray. Instead of her constantly scrolling through her phone, we spent some quality time together for a change, strolling around town, eating lunch, and talking non-stop like we had not seen each other in years!

I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone ~ Robin Williams

What brought on this welcome change in our social interaction? Well, I had tried to call her and then sent her a message before I left home, to let her know that I would be a few minutes late. So, when I met her, I was surprised to find that she was desperately worried about why I was so unusually late. She had not received my phone call or text message, which we then assumed was probably due to her phone service being down.

As we were about to part ways, I suggested that she try sending a message to someone else to see if her phone was still having problems, because I know that some of her relatives depend on her and might need her. That was when she made the surprising discovery. Apparently, she had accidentally turned off her Wi-Fi connection, and as soon as she turned it back on, she was flooded with endless messages and missed calls.

This experience made me realize how much we miss out on in life when we think we are having quality interactions with others, but in reality our lives are increasingly revolving around the constant intrusion of notifications and message alerts. We have allowed ourselves to become so hopelessly devoted to our digital devices that we are no longer fully present in the world, and then we wonder why there is so much loneliness and disconnection in the world today!

Loneliness affects nearly half of adult Americans and Britons. According to the UK Campaign to End Loneliness, it may be one of the greatest public health challenges we face. In 2022, about 49% of all adults in the UK reported feeling lonely at times, while about 7% of people experience chronic loneliness, meaning they feel lonely often or all the time.

With technology, there is so much isolation with people now, that there are very few places where you can connect ~ Mireille Guiliano

This is not just a matter of opinion, but a phenomenon that is gaining ground in scientific research. For example, a recent study found that over-attachment to cell phones can cause serious social problems while exacerbating symptoms of anxiety and depression. The study also found that loneliness is significantly and positively associated with cell phone addiction.

According to a US survey conducted in 2018, 40% of adult Americans reported feeling lonely, while 47% felt “left out.” Another survey, conducted in 2021, found that 36% of respondents reported feeling lonely often or almost always in the previous four weeks.

My best friend has a partner who, since they started dating, has made it very clear that he doesn’t appreciate her being on her phone all the time when he’s with her. Apparently, if she picks up her phone too much while he is visiting, he just leaves. Her choice is very simple: it’s either him or the phone! He is a wise man because he clearly understands the value of good old-fashioned human connection and that being present with each other is priceless.