control
The Spiritual Wisdom Of Letting Go
I sometimes do readings for clients who feel they have to control absolutely everything in their lives. They are rarely calm, rarely happy, always frazzled. There’s a constant tension around them, a palpable anxiety, as if they’re always one step away from a meltdown, or even a complete breakdown.
Many of us have experienced this feeling or seen it in others – the compulsion to control every outcome, every detail, believing that by sheer force of will we can make life bend to our wishes.
But here’s the thing: life has a way of moving on its own, whether we like it or not. And often, the more we try to grasp and hold on, the more things slip out of our control.
A song that often comes to mind when I think about this is the song Let It Be by the Beatles. Let it be, let it be. There will be an answer, let it be. This timeless classic is a simple yet powerful reminder of the peace that can come from stopping to resist and simply allowing things to unfold as they are meant to.
Letting go is not about giving up; it’s about trusting that life has a rhythm, a universal flow, and when we align ourselves with it, life becomes infinitely more peaceful and enjoyable.
In my work as a psychic consultant, I’ve found that those who feel the need to control every aspect of their lives often carry a heavy burden of stress. They struggle to find joy because they are too preoccupied with micromanaging every little detail. Life becomes a series of hurdles and challenges, and instead of going with the flow, they are constantly swimming against the current. It’s exhausting and soul-destroying.
Toxic Friendships: End It, Or Mend It?
Like all relationships, friendships have their ups and downs, testing the bonds that bind us together.
A true friend is someone who genuinely wants the best for you, celebrates your victories, and supports you through challenges. They offer encouragement, share your joys, and lend a sympathetic ear during difficult times.
The presence of true friends adds value to your life and fosters growth and positivity. You have a healthy friendship that thrives on mutual respect and care, where both parties feel uplifted and inspired to be their best selves.
In stark contrast, a toxic friend is often self-absorbed, putting their own needs and desires above all else. They manipulate situations to get what they want, with little regard for how their actions affect your happiness.
This type of friendship can feel draining, leaving you emotionally drained and questioning your self-worth. Instead of celebrating your achievements, a toxic friend may resort to jealousy or criticism, undermining your confidence.
Toxic friendships can deeply affect our emotional and mental well-being, often leaving us feeling drained and undervalued. These relationships are characterized by manipulation, constant criticism, and lack of support, creating an environment where one party consistently takes more than they give.
The dynamic can include jealousy, competition, or even emotional abuse, making it difficult to feel safe and authentic. Over time, toxic friendships can lead to diminished self-esteem and increased stress, underscoring the importance of recognizing and addressing these unhealthy connections.
What To Do When He Is Not Calling You
When someone you like a lot doesn’t call or even ghosts you, it can really sting. The excitement of a new romance can quickly turn into self-doubt and frustration.
This is when patience, trust in the bigger picture, and reclaiming your own power become really important.
Patience isn’t just about waiting; it’s about trusting that everything happens in its own time. When someone doesn’t call, it’s easy to panic and think they’re not interested or that you’ve messed up. But patience helps us trust life’s timing. What’s meant for you won’t slip away.
It’s not about sitting around hoping. It’s about realizing that the universe has a way of making things work, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Trusting that everything happens for a reason helps you let go of the need to control the outcome of your romantic life. You find peace in knowing that what’s meant for you will come to you at the right time.
Trust that everything happens for your highest good. The universe has your back. If someone doesn’t call, maybe they’re right for you. Maybe the timing isn’t right, or there’s someone better just around the corner.
Trusting the universal flow for your highest good helps you let go of the need to control everything and focus on what you can control in life. Controlling how other people behave is not one of them.
Embracing The Magical Art Of Allowing
There is a magical force in the universe – a profound creative essence that flows through all realms, weaving its way through the fabric of existence. This magic essence is not bound by the limits of our understanding nor the constraints of our control. Rather, it emanates from the depths of surrender and trust. This magical power is the sacred art of allowing.
For much of my life, I found myself grappling with the notion of control. I sought to navigate the complexities of existence with a firm grip, believing that my willpower alone could shape the course of my journey. Yet, time and time again, I was met with the harsh reality of resistance — the relentless struggle against the ebb and flow of life’s currents.
It wasn’t until I stumbled upon the profound wisdom of allowing that I began to witness the transformative power of surrender. Allowing is not passive resignation; rather, it is an act of radical acceptance — an invitation to dance with the rhythm of the universe and surrender to the innate flow of existence.
One of the most profound lessons in allowing came to me during a time of immense uncertainty and upheaval in my life. I was at a crossroads, grappling with decisions that made me feel like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. In my desperation to find clarity, I clung to my preconceived notions of how things should unfold, trying to force the puzzle pieces of my life into some semblance of controlled order.
The Law Of Reverse Effect
I remember talking to a very distraught client a few years ago about a man with whom she had been having a secret affair for 24 years. It was a relationship she was very obsessed with and had stubbornly pursued for over two decades, despite many red flags and a great deal of frustration and disappointment along the way.
When this man finally got up the courage to divorce his wife, he left not only his wife, but also his mistress. Within three months, he was in a relationship with someone new and told my client that he never really felt that way about her anyway.
She wanted to know how this could be? She expected with 100% certainty that he would be with her and no one else after the divorce, but the exact opposite happened. After all, she had put a lot of time, effort, energy, love, and devotion into this secret relationship, not to mention all the stress, frustration and drama she had to endure for over two decades.
At the time, this tragic story made me think about some of the free will choices I have made in my own life. There have been times when I, too, have stubbornly expected things to turn out a certain way for me because I pursued it with vigor, only to be devastated when it did not. For example, many years ago, a guy I had a huge crush on and thought was really into me ended up hitting on my best friend while we were out on a date! I guess the moral of the story is to never pursue someone who is not really that into you.
Embrace Your Personal Power In Relationships
Our relationships have great power and influence in our lives. In particular, many of us spend countless hours pursuing love and romance. Then, once we are in a relationship, we spend even more time and energy thinking about it, confiding in friends about it…often trying to make the relationship different or better.
I deal with this almost daily as I have counseled hundreds of lovesick, frustrated, and heartbroken clients over the years.
“If only he would do what I want, things would be different,” some of my clients might say. “If only he would be more open and honest, maybe I could trust him more.” Truth be told, I have heard similar words come out of my own mouth about my own relationships more times than I care to admit!
Unfortunately, instead of successfully influencing our partner’s words or behavior, we are often left feeling disappointed, betrayed, frustrated, powerless, or out of control. It is draining, pointless, and definitely not the best use of one’s time and energy.
So how do we change it? How do we take emotional control of our life and our relationships? The answer is shockingly simple.
It is all about taking a different, broader perspective on relationships and what they are here to teach us. A quote from Unity Church’s Daily Word magazine perfectly captures this shift in perspective: “Through our relationships with one another, we express the power, presence and love of God.”
Surround Yourself With Divine Love
Love is a concept I encounter every day in my work, and it is indeed a multifaceted thing. In its purest form, it manifests itself as a mother’s love for her child, a partner’s love for his spouse, or a sibling’s love for a brother or sister.
But love also takes more subtle forms. It can be reflected in a teacher’s love for expanding young minds, a researcher’s desire to advance humanity, or an engineer’s fine attention to detail.
There are also negative, toxic forms of ‘love.’ Too much love, though usually well-intentioned, can be harmful. The hovering parent, the controlling spouse, the overprotective friend can stifle true growth, trust, and creativity.
Sometimes conditional love is traded like a commodity or used as a weapon. It can be withheld when behavior is perceived as lacking or used as a reward for conforming to the status quo.
Fake love is also used as a facade or camouflage. The world is full of negative energy and hidden agendas disguised as projects of love that are supposed to be “for the greater good.”
Sometimes love turns into distractions, such as self-centered schemes that are really based on greed. Some people who profess love in truth worship false praise, accolades, and self-enrichment.
Spirit invites us to abandon the charade of false love. Instead, we should strive to be kind, compassionate, and generous without expecting anything in return. We must give others the benefit of the doubt without judging their worth or intent. Each day we should step forward and ask, “How can I help?” instead of making negative assumptions. Spiritual people lead by example. We must show the world the divine beings we are inside.