Self-Help
Unconditional Love Is Heaven On Earth
When I was a little girl, I remember going to my grandparents’ home during the summers. I couldn’t wait for the summer to arrive, to get to spend time with them. It was always magical. The months leading up to those wonderful stays were always filled with anticipation and excitement.
Always having something to look forward to adds to the enjoyment and contentment of life. Whether it’s an upcoming event or something we are looking forward to, such trying an adventurous activity, or reading that new book you’re excited to dive into. Books have always been for me a bit of a mental vacation, because you can relax, while going places to imaginative places in your mind.
I believe the magic and enjoyment of getting to spend time with my grandparents came from it being filled with love and attention. Thinking back now, they were the only adults, when I was younger, who gave me their full attention and truly unconditional love. They were never too busy to sit and talk with me, or share stories from their childhood, which I found very fascinating.
Not all Grandparents are alike though. Some can be all about gossip, judgment, neglect, even abuse, and not the best role models. I was lucky that on my mother’s side of the family this was not the case. My maternal grandparents had all the traits and attributes one would imagine a truly loving grandparent to have.
I have memories of being in tears when having to leave and go back home. There I just spent my days alone in my room, as my parents were often too busy with church and other social groups they were involved in. I suspect all that time I was forced to spend on my own, helped me to expand and open my mind, to tap into those deeper areas of the psyche that are often left dormant.
The Importance Of Self-Trust
Of all the relationships in our life, none is more complicated or important than the one we have with self. And the cornerstone of this relationship is self-trust. Unfortunately, it is easy to damage the trust we place in ourselves. Why? Because all of us have or will make choices and decisions that don’t produce the desired outcome.
A relationship fails and we blame or question ourselves; a job opportunity eludes us; or a friendship fractures beyond repair. We lose self-trust when we don’t achieve a goal, whatever that goal may be. Then we may begin to question our own abilities, our dreams, and our worthiness to have them manifest in our life.
Every time we replay an event we label a failure the doubt in our own judgment and our self-worth increases. Self-confidence stems from self-trust, so the cycle can be a vicious one.
So, how can we repair self-trust? First, decide to give yourself a break. You made what you believed to be the best decision or choice in the moment. If you are saying, “No, I didn’t, I know I should have done…,” then stop and choose to forgive yourself for not trusting your instincts in that moment. Holding a grudge against yourself only assures that the pattern will repeat.
Next, decide to honor your emotions. If you have made choices and decisions that you perceive as a failure, then the tendency is to begin to substitute the opinions of others over our own intuition, desires and dreams. This pattern can lead to co-dependency, confusion and fear. Self-trust is harnessed when we follow our sacred wisdom, instead of looking outside ourselves to provide inner peace.
Embracing The Night
At night we should be able to break free from our daytime stresses. After all, we aren’t really expecting someone to send us an email or receive a phone call when we are asleep – theoretically at least.
Nevertheless, far too many of us toss and turn during the night, worrying about the day ahead and possibly making mountains out of molehills along the way. I know I have done this far too many times myself and you, dear reader, probably have done so also? However, you could gain the maximum calming effects of the late hours by considering the following:
Take A Walk
Go for a walk with your friend, just after the sun has set. You do not need to engage in any conversation and do make sure to set your phone to silent mode. Stroll, breathe deeply and take in all the sounds of the night along the way.
Doing this can induce relaxation, even in particularly stressed individuals. What do you hear? Is it frogs, crickets, some nocturnal bird, or even the noise of traffic in the distance? All of this reflects that life is still going on, and making a mental note of these sounds can be very relaxing indeed.
You could also take the opportunity to really explore the natural world at night, as the light of the silvery moon really does show us Mother Nature’s remarkable beauty at this particular time.
Do pay attention to all the smells and sounds the night time brings, take note of the lovely nocturnal animals you see. It will remind you that even on the darkest night, life has not stopped and still has so much beauty and wonder to show you.
Inside And Outside – What Your Home Says About You
Can we define someone by looking beyond their personal space, such as how they tend to the exterior of their home and garden? Well, I fully believe this can be accomplished by eyeing a few simple details.
I recently had a visit from a lady that I have known for a very long time. She comes from a large family and has had some difficulties over the years with particular family members. Her younger sister has always been a source of contention with her. Recently, she felt it was time to sit down and have a serious chat with this sister, to see if they could come to terms with the rift between them.
After they had their talk, it seemed to her that all of the past differences had finally been resolved, and they now could proceed into the future with a more gentle and sincere approach towards one another. But soon she was shocked to find her sister pulling an unwarranted and mean-spirited stunt.
She was quite mystified after this spiteful event. It left her feeling hurt and confused. She then asked me if we could examine the situation, to see if we could find a just cause for the younger sister’s unacceptable behavior.
As it happened, I had recently paid a visit to the younger sister’s home. I had not been to see her for a very long time and held no preconceived ideas as to what condition she, or her home, would be in.
The younger sister has been married for a very long time, to a man who is not a bad guy by the world’s standards, but certainly can be defined as a ‘wet blanket.’ I know she had found it a bit trying at times to be in a relationship such as this one, but she did what a lot of people do under the circumstances – they pretend everything is okay in order to keep up appearances. This I could understand to some extent, although I could not conceive how difficult it would be to live under those circumstances for a very long time.
The Sweet Nectar Of Romantic Relationships
The energy of the hummingbird brings immense wisdom to be shared with us. When he appears it is always such a treat, as I have learnt so much from this amazing bird, including about love and romantic relationships.
When the hummingbird comes into my life asking to be painted, my vision blurs. I can then only see my artwork clearly and the brush strokes needed to finish his painting. I have learned that sometimes our own vision needs to become blurred, so that what we are seeking can be shown to us.
I have also learned that the ‘narrowed vision’ of hummingbird is vital to the health and vitality of our relationships, especially those of a romantic nature. When we keep our focus firmly on the present moment and the feelings we share with our partner in this moment, rather than on the negative thoughts, concerns or expectations, we blur out the noise.
This allows for a breaking away from the old energy patterns and lack consciousness that too often govern the roles played out in our relationships. It allows for a simplicity to arise in the communion and communication with our partner.
The hummingbird gathers nectar from the flower through its power of focus and natural instincts. It trusts its own innate nature to choose the flowers that will nourish and feed it. Finding trust in our own feelings and intuition is important, so that our relationships are nourished and allowed to blossom from within.
Dealing With A Narcissistic Partner
We all know at least one narcissist. It’s that toxic person in your life who seems charming and likable at first, but is actually extremely self-centered, has an inflated ego, shows no empathy or remorse, and can even become abusive. But what if that person is your partner, or someone you love?
Narcissists want to control. They want others to see them as important, superior and in charge. To a narcissist, someone who suffers from compromised self-esteem, is easy prey, which is why many people who have a narcissistic partner find it difficult to break it off.
Abuse is not always physical. It also takes the form of verbal insults, emotional manipulation or gaslighting, withholding affection, and unequal sharing of duties. All of these forms of abuse feed into a narcissist’s egotism. Narcissists typically try to rope their partners into joining into these negative, harmful relationship patterns.
So, what do you do when you find yourself attached to an abusive narcissist? At first, it’s easy to try and explain away their abusive behavior by citing times when they shows affection, brought gifts, or offered kindness and emotional support. They are good at pretending, but don’t be fooled.
Setting up healthy and definitive boundaries is the first and best defense. Know that you have the right to say no at any time! Falling for gaslighting, emotional manipulation and blackmail is an easy trap, and most narcissists are masters at these psychological games. If you’re unsure of yourself, role-play with a trusted friend or counselor, or read up on the subject. Like most difficult things in life, it takes practice.
The Life Lesson Of ‘Making Plans’
‘Making plans’ has been a life lesson for me. Whenever I make serious plans, they always tend to fall through. Something usually comes up, or it just doesn’t work out.
It has been at times almost comical. I even started telling people, whenever they invite me to attend an event, or go somewhere with them, or sign up for something important, that I plan on possibly doing this with them, but I am not going to say it is definite….because then it probably won’t work out.
In time I came to realize that the Universe was teaching me, over and over again, to not make any major plans. The lesson for me has been simply to never say yes to anything with absolute certainty. Why? Because nothing is ever guaranteed. Things change, things happen… and not only to us, but also to others. It is often a domino effect that can impact our plans in many ways. Today, tomorrow, nothing is ever guaranteed.
In the process I have also learned to curb my emotions. You may find this odd or strange, but it has been my truth for more than four decades. In my experience, whenever I get super excited about something, it either gets taken away from me, or something happens to changes it for the worse.