toxic people
The Blessing Of True Friendship
Too often we make a self-limiting choices in life based on negative past experiences, which then keeps you from enjoying new, wonderful experiences, meeting new people, or learning a new talent or skill. To truly be free we must allow ourselves to let go and just be. We must remain willing to live an authentic life and selectively make ourselves vulnerable. Replaying the past over and over in your mind is draining and counter-productive.
I normally don’t open myself up easily to new friendships. I work with people all day, so that is how I get much of my social interaction. I love to help people and my clients are pretty much my family. I feel very connected to my regular callers, as they tend to be the most open-hearted and like-minded people. In my personal life I haven’t been so lucky, as many people are just not open to the alternative ideas, lifestyles and beliefs. In fact, some people are completely closed-off and narrow-minded about the mystical and the metaphysical.
I am not alone in this. A 2019 study, for example, revealed that the average American hasn’t made a new friend in five years. The study also found that he average american has three best friend and five reasonably good friends, as well as about eight people they like but do not spend any time with. However, this does not automatically guarantee that these people we consider to be our friends always feel the same way about us. A 2016 study found that this is probably only true for about half of friendships. Yes, only 50 percent of our perceived friendships are actually mutual and reciprocal!
Recently, I took a chance on a new friendship outside my work life, and I am very blessed to say that it reminded me that it’s okay to let the walls down so sometimes, and not to worry about stepping on toes or feeling like you have to walk on egg shells. I guess we just need to be smart about our choices. I have always been drawn to calm, centered, casual people who have a good sense of humor.
Balance, Flow And Your Perception
So much of our lives seems to be about balance. We spend so much time and energy trying to become more balanced. We are taught that if we balance our life things will be easier. If we are balanced we will be more in tune with nature. Balance your checkbook. Balance your weight. Balance your spiritual life and lifestyle. So many people feel as though they have failed themselves by never achieving this balance.
Well, maybe we are going about it all wrong. There was a time when I believed all things in this universe were balanced. But, when you really stop to think about it. Nothing in this universe is balanced. It is continually flowing.
If we think about our solar system. It isn’t balanced at all. It continuously flows. The planets move in a procession through space. Harmonizing gracefully with one another. Rivers flow. Water flows. Our bodies, comprised mostly of water, flow. The blood in our veins, flows.
Our minds are never still, our thoughts are constantly flowing. Glass, may appear to be solid, but in reality, it is forever flowing. Look at a piece of glass that has been in the same position for 75 or 100 years. The bottom is thicker and the top is thinner. As, gravity has pulled it. It has flowed.
So, again maybe we can learn something from nature. Instead of trying to balance everything, which by the way is impossible. Maybe, we should focus more on finding ways to flow harmoniously through our life. If we are forever trying to do the impossible, we are forever defeated. The world isn’t going to stop and allow us to balance it. So, instead of working against it, we should figure out where we fit into it, and just go with it.
If you don’t know where you fit in the bigger scheme of things, look at it like this: the universe and nature aren’t concerned with the material things. And, maybe we shouldn’t be so consumed by them either. Maybe we should step away from our computers, television sets and phones and try to learn a little bit more about who we really are, as well as about each other.
My Past Life Nightmare In Hexham, England
My friends have a running joke that no event with me can ever be just a normal, everyday experience. Such was my notorious visit to Hexham, England.
I used to have a friend for many years who I knew to be kind and generous. She is a talented singer and we met while performing in a musical together. We were never close friends. Instead, we kept in contact and exchanged birthday presents, but rarely talked or saw each other in person.
At one point she was going through a difficult time. She had ended several friendships, was feeling lonely, had financial problems, and desperately hoped to meet a special guy. Then she invited me to take a special trip with her to Hexham, England. She owned an international timeshare and offered to use it for the two of us for our holiday accommodation in Hexham. Although we shared the costs, she also insisted on handling all the flight bookings, transportation and other arrangements. We had a very good relationship, so it never occurred to me that all of this might later become a major issue between us.
It was a long, 13-hour flight. When we arrived at the airport, sniffer dogs held back by airport employees ran up to us with rabid looks in their eyes. They were barking loudly; it was really terrifying. Neither one of us drank, used drugs, or had ever committed any crime. In fact, she is a devote Seventh Day Adventist. So, being targeted by security dogs was an out of the norm experience for us. The customs officials took us into a backroom and thoroughly searched our baggage. I have also never experienced this before. Of course, they found nothing. I was later informed that do not often receive American visitors in Hexham, so they were therefore instantly suspicious about us.
We then found a taxi and transferred to our timeshare accommodation. To make matters worse, our visit was during an outbreak in the area of Bovine spongiform encephalopathy (BSE), also known as ‘mad cow disease.’ Everywhere we went our shoes and the wheels of the vehicles we travelled in had to be sanitized with some awful, toxic spray. Not a fun way to start a vacation.
Healing The Karmic Patterns Of Ancestral Trauma
Sometimes during meditation, I recall past events and childhood memories that had been long forgotten. A recent vision, for example, took me back to the home I was raised in. But the scene was one I do not remember.
I saw myself as a little girl, around three years old, and members of my mother’s family were visiting us. Everyone was singing and playing instruments together. I saw myself watching them and enjoying the music, but then felt guided to look diagonally upward to another scene happening simultaneously.
In the other scene I saw my ancestors; at least that is what I concurred because they were going back in a line. Behind my great grandmother, who was playing the piano, there were people who I sensed to be her parents, and then her grandparents behind them, and so on.
In that glimpse into the distant past, I observed how the behavioral patterns and family dynamics of our ancestors, some of it dysfunctional and unhealthy, had become the patterns of my family. I also saw how these patterns were passed on to me and how it has shaped the patterns in my life and my own family to this day.
I then invoked the Heavenly Light to wash over all of us: myself and my family, my living relatives, all my ancestors who came before us, as well as all of our future descendants. I prayed that all of the disharmony in my family lineage be healed, and also that any other families and individuals we had disharmonious interactions and relationships with be healed too.
In Hawaiian culture this kind of healing prayer is known as Ho’oponopono. It is an ancient spiritual practice of reconciliation and forgiveness, which in English literally translates to ‘to make right,’ or ‘to make good.’ Ho’oponopono is essentially a personal responsibility and forgiveness prayer or ritual to heal, among other things, feuding families and ancestral trauma. When practiced repeatedly, it is said to balance out karma. I do believe in praying for those who wronged or harmed us, because within their healing we find our own as well.
Stay True To Your Own Best Karma
You may have heard of someone ‘getting their karma’ for something bad they have done, or of wishing bad karma on another for their transgressions. Most people use the word ‘karma’ in this negative sense, usually believing that a person that hurt them will be on the receiving end of the same hurt (or worse) because of their deeds.
But wishing negative karma on another is a dangerous practice. What we think, say and do tend to come back to us, instead of another person. So, when you say something like, “Oh, I can’t wait until they get their karma and someone breaks their heart like they broke mine,” you have in fact declared it for yourself (again).
Karma happens when it happens. Never, ever wish it on another in a negative manner. Your thoughts, words and actions determine what you attract to yourself.
Karma can instead be invoked in an amazingly positive way. Wish everyone good things, positive actions, and uplifting results in their life – even those who wronged you.
Congratulate that person who got the promotion that you wanted. Offer the person who stole from you a blessing. Forgive the person who broke your heart and wish them only happiness in their future life.
This will open the flood gates of good reactions to your actions. There is a cause and effect for everything, so the moment you choose to you’re your thoughts, words and actions all positive and loving, that is what you will attract in return.
Keeping The Family Out Of Your Love Life
Family and our relatives have a huge impact on our romantic lives, whether we realize it or not. We bring so much from the way we were raised into our love relationships and marriages.
But having had a difficult childhood does not necessarily set us up for challenges and failure in our relationships. In fact, for those who are self-aware it can be an advantage of choosing not to bring the toxic drama of your childhood home into a current relationship.
For example, if you saw your father treat your mother without respect, you might set your mind to never allowing that happen in your own relationship. This kind of courage and personal responsibility can break the cycle.
We all have things that happen in childhood things that happen that are out of our control, it is all in how you deal with them that forms us as adults. We have a choice always.
The other aspect is culture and the values and customs with which we were raised. Depending on the circumstances it can have a significant impact on our relationships. Once again it is a choice how we want to handle it. Do we follow the family traditions, or not?
It takes courage and an open mind to march to your own drum. Standing up for what you believe can also go a long way. Sometimes this is vital to ensure a healthy, happy relationship that will last.
Of course, the biggest challenge for most couples is having the family up in your relationship business. Do your relatives influence your decisions and interfere in your relationship? Navigating a relationship or marriage successfully in this day and age is challenging enough.
Be Mindful Who You Allow Into Your Energy Field
We all know someone who is personally so miserable they want everyone around them to be equally miserable too. You can usually tell by how they talk, behave, and treat others.
Due to a recent encounter I personally had with a relative who is acts like this, I decided to ask spirit for insight and guidance on how to deal with such people. How does a spiritually conscious person handle someone who makes us feel as though we need to walk on eggshells whenever we are around them?
Spirit showed me that we all have those relatives or friends who are obviously very unhappy and choose to take it out on others. Spirit says the first step is to not participate in any argument they try to initiate. Simply don’t respond. To argue it takes two people. So simply do not buy their drama.
It can get very uncomfortable when such a negative, toxic individual engages with you. They can make us feel really bad – often for no reason other than wanting to bring you down to their low frequency. Don’t allow them to push your buttons. By not giving in to their ploy, you remain connected to the Light,
Understand that some people are in a very fragmented place of spiritual disconnect and emotional dysfunction, often because they never dealt with their emotional issues on a deeper level. So, because of that they take it out on others.
Spirit says we must seek to create some healthy space and set boundaries with these people. We can be compassionate and understanding, without becoming their victims or emotional punchbags. It is your spiritual right to take back your power.