society
Navigating Loneliness During the Holidays
The holiday season is traditionally portrayed as a time of togetherness, love, joy, and belonging. We are inundated with media images of families gathered around a festive table, friends celebrating, and communities coming together.
Paradoxically, for many people, this time of year is instead filled with feelings of loneliness, isolation and disconnection.
The root cause is the societal stereotype and cultural assumption that everyone should be joyful, happy, and surrounded by loved ones during the holidays. If you’re not, for whatever reason, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy, isolation, and social failure.
Holiday loneliness is exacerbated by the stark contrast between our actual circumstances and the commercially driven, idealized versions of holiday gatherings and celebrations we see in advertisements, television shows, movies, and social media. This increases feelings of disconnection, low self-esteem, and even depression.
Loneliness during the holidays can have a significant impact on mental health. Feelings of isolation and disconnection during this time of year can exacerbate existing mental health issues and lead to the development of new ones. The constant reminders of togetherness and joy, combined with a lack of social connections and meaningful interactions, can increase feelings of loneliness, leading to emotional distress, feelings of emptiness and hopelessness, and a decline in overall well-being.
Good Old-Fashioned Human Connection
Recently I met up with a good friend whom I had not seen in a long time. Our friendship began nine years ago when I lived in another province of Spain, adjacent to the one where I now live.
Of course, since I moved, we see less of each other. Once in a while I drive over to see her, and a round trip takes me about two and a half hours.
She is a vibrant, kind woman who, along with her extended family, helped me through a particularly difficult time a few years ago. They always made me feel very welcome when I lived there and tried very hard to persuade me not to move away!
She can be great company, but lately she has not been as present as she was when we first met. You might have guessed why. Yes, indeed, social media on her phone has become a major new focus for her. It has become a significant distraction during our visits in recent months.
Knowing how kind, generous and caring she truly is, I do not take it personally. I realize that, like many people around the world, her social media messaging and texting became an important substitute for the lack of personal interaction and social connection during the isolated, lonely times caused by the recent pandemic. For many, it has since become a habit and a new way of life, and for some, an addiction.
A few days ago, thankfully, she had an epiphany for which one can only pray. Instead of her constantly scrolling through her phone, we spent some quality time together for a change, strolling around town, eating lunch, and talking non-stop like we had not seen each other in years!
Random Acts Of Kindness
I was at the gym the other day, working out while feeling really sore and demotivated. It was about to rain and I was just feeling so uncomfortable and miserable.
As I reluctantly lay back in this machine to kick my legs out, I saw a woman limping over to another machine across from me. She was clearly struggling, but you could tell that she was determined, even though she was having a hard time. I thought to myself that I should not be so negative about my own situation because it was just a little muscle stiffness. That brave lady was obviously dealing with so much more.
I experience this kind of scenario all the time in life. Whenever I feel deprived, unlucky, or self-pitying, my guides remind me to count my blessings and check my privilege. Instead, I need to remember those who are truly in need and how much the less fortunate have to go without.
Did you know that an estimated 828 million people in the world go hungry every day? This means about one in ten people on the planet does not have enough food to meet their basic needs. You may be thinking, what can I do about it? Well, I can only speak for myself. I recently decided to donate a pound of canned goods or a bag of groceries to those in need for every pound of weight I lose. It keeps me in check and reminds me to be thankful that I have food on my table every day!
Grandma Will Wear Her Big Girl Boots!
I recently discovered a website where you can “rent a friend”. It made me wonder, why would anyone need to rent a friend? Isn’t making friends a natural thing?
Normally, people who have something in common or enjoy each other’s company tend to gravitate toward each other. Even when attending a large social gathering, people tend to find like-minded people in the crowd to interact with. So, why in the world would anyone ever need to ‘rent’ a friend?
Well, the site had a list of occasions when one might want to purchase this type of service. Some of the things on the list included hiring a companion to be your plus one at a wedding, or to go to the theater, sightseeing, dinner, or even traveling abroad.
Essentially, the service connects people with common interests.
Then I wondered, are there really enough people who would use such a service to make it profitable? Apparently, there are and I should not have been be surprised. Our social life increasingly depends on digital technology.
Most of us are lucky if we can count on one hand the friends we can invite to join us on some of our adventures, let alone the few close friends we can count on in good times and bad. It is rare to have friends who have the time, money, or energy to do fun things with us on a regular basis.
Friends For A Reason, A Season, Or A Lifetime
I recently reconnected with a family friend with whom I had a very close relationship about three decades ago. She was like a mother figure in some ways, even though she was only about 12 years older than me at the time.
She is a very caring and nurturing person and was always there for me when my own mother was physically or emotionally unable. Her door was always open and she always had many people around her. After working in retail for many years, she changed careers to become a full-time caregiver, which she loved. After she retired and her husband passed away, she continued to be very active and had a very vibrant social life.
But during the Covid-19 pandemic, like many people her age, she experienced intense isolation and trauma. We spoke frequently on the phone during this time, and she was very much looking forward to the restrictions finally being lifted.
However, when the worst was over and most restrictions were lifted, her group of friends remained afraid to go out. Some of them even developed agoraphobia, a type of anxiety disorder that causes people to experience extreme, irrational fear of public places and unpredictable situations that they imagine could cause them harm, panic, or helplessness.
My dear friend was deeply affected by this. Seeing all her friends again was one of the things that kept her strong and hopeful through the chaos of the pandemic. But now she felt she had lost her tribe (beyond her family, who all have busy, demanding lives of their own and live several hours away). Fortunately, she is a determined soul who will not easily accept defeat and apparently she is gradually getting more of the old gang together for their usual fun meet-ups!
Raising An Old Soul
We have more people on the planet now than ever before. That means we have more old souls, and more new ones. Many parents are raising old souls and are struggling with how different it is from the information in all of the parenting books and blogs out there.
If your child is an old soul, which is one who has lived many past lives, they probably were your parent at one time. On some level they know and remember this and may challenge your authority, and change in roles. Thus, the power struggle so many parents go through.
I have been working with children for decades and have had many of them tell me their past life stories. I’ve heard, “I used to be a princess” and “I used to have a sister” or “My mom says we’re not having another baby, but I know I have a little brother coming!”
I’ve also had children tell me how they died in another life or how their mom isn’t their “real” mom. One boy told me he remembered being born. He remembered leaving the light and coming through a tunnel. It was a difficult decision to come back to Earth.
Another gifted child I worked with was able to find lost items, when his parents asked him where something was that had been misplaced. Just the faith that they had in him and the unquestioning belief that he could find these items helped him open up an invaluable gift that will serve him and others in life. Old souls also tend to have unusual or extraordinary gifts, talents and interests which should be nurtured for the greater good.
From Fictional Self To Authentic Self
A new concept that seems to be going around a lot lately in the spiritual community is to be your ‘authentic self.’ But what does this really mean? How do you know who your authentic self is? Heck, you may say, “I’m still trying to find out what my life purpose is, never mind who I truly am!”
Well, as a result of our education, our upbringing, our family dynamics, our job, and such, when we are asked the question “who are you,” we resort to answers such as: a mom, a dad, engineer, doctor, janitor. We tend to express our identity by what work we do, what credentials we have, and what society or our community has told us to be. We are bombarded by social, political, environmental and family expectations that can overwhelm us in modern life.
On top of this, the world today seems to be in chaos. There is distrust everywhere, and we have to contend with challenges like identity theft and social peer pressure. Yet, we are now also expected to know our authentic self? “God, help me, I don’t have time to look for that! I have the kids to take care of, work deadlines to keep, dinner and laundry to do, and I urgently need to sign up for an exercise program to reduce my weight!”
It is never ending, you say. Your authentic self is somewhere, you just don’t know where and no time to find it. But that is just the point! All these things we are expected to do are there because of the pressure we put on ourselves. As we look through our colored lenses of self-inflicted expectations and the social pressure we have learned from family or peers, we lose touch with who we really are, and what we truly want.