selflessness
Communicating Kindness – A Message From My Guides
Our focus today is on being kind to those who are close to you and improve your communication with those you love. Sometimes people are inclined to take their loved ones for granted and speak with them entirely differently than they would speak to a stranger.
It is easy to be kind when showing genuine support and encouragement, but it can be more difficult when giving disagreeable advice, or chastising. Overall, it is much more challenging to be kind when expressing any kind of criticism. To counteract these challenges, we have three recommendations that might help.
Our first proposition is to listen actively. Many people are so compelled to answer while another is speaking that they formulate their responses without actually hearing what is truly being said. They assume that they know where the conversation is going so they miss any nuance or undercurrent within the comments being made.
Staying silent without interrupting can be very challenging, especially when you are eager to expand on positive commentary or ready to disagree with every fiber of your being. It might take an inordinate amount of practice, however, if you can master the art of listening well, people will soon think of you as a great conversationalist.
Learning To Say Yes To Yourself
It is in the empath’s nature to say ‘yes’ to just about anything requested of them. It goes against our grain. For some of us, saying ‘no’ also brings on fears of rejection, abandonment or letting someone down when it may be important to support them. Rather than finding an excuse, or simply telling the truth, many of us give in and just go along. It just feels easier in the moment, and even validating or satisfying.
But when you end that phone call, or respond to another text, and you feel anxious and panicked, while you start going over all the other things that will have to fall to the wayside by saying yes, then you really are saying no to yourself. Self-care requires that we sometimes say no to others, in order to say yes to our own well-being and peace of mind. Consequently, the person that you said yes to won’t be getting the best of you. If you have said yes at your own expense, then what you bring to the table for that person is stress and anxiety. Your best self will not be fully present.
Saying yes, when you really want to say no, can also lead to resentment that you then attach to the person who asked for your assistance. Here the responsibility lies with ourselves. We teach people how to treat us and many times we don’t give others enough credit for understanding when we say no. Most people would rather hear. “No thanks, that time doesn’t work for me” or “I have other commitments,” instead of having to sense a half-hearted or less than enthusiastic yes.
The Powerful Gift Of Self-Compassion
Empaths do not only have the capability to discern another person’ suffering or pain. We also have the gift of compassion – the ability, as well as the desire, to mitigate someone else’s pain, or alleviate it all together. The two abilities go hand in hand. I have yet to meet an empath who doesn’t express deep compassion and a sincere desire to mitigate pain and suffering. It’s a wonderful gift that the world could use a lot more of right now.
According to Emma Seppälä, a writer for the Harvard Business Review, compassion is a much better business management tactic than toughness. Research shows that the more compassionate response will get you more powerful results as a business manager.
Compassion inspires loyalty according to a study by Jonathan Haidt of New York University. Haidt found that the more employees looked up to their leaders, and were moved by their compassion or kindness (a state he called elevation), the more loyal they became to them. It follows then that responding with anger or frustration has the opposite effect.
Friendship And The Empath
Friends are a wonderful addition to our lives. In some cases they even take the place of family of origin, and become our chosen family. A healthy friendship is a balanced one – give and take, trust, loyalty, acceptance and truth delivered with compassion. Unfortunately, for the empath, friendship can also be treacherous territory, sometimes rife with debbie downers, energy thieves, and psychic vampires.
There are different levels of friendship, from casual social friendships to those we call ‘best friends.’ These best friends are ones with whom we feel safe sharing our deepest secrets, fears, hopes and dreams.
Social media has made it much easier in recent years to connect with friends. With a click of the keyboard a new friend can be made or an old acquaintance rekindled. Social media sites have even recognized the importance of providing the choice of putting people into the appropriate category, such as people from work or close friends. People can be also unfriended, blocked or reported if they are out of bounds, and what is seen publicly by our friends can be limited.
Dealing With Dysfunctional Family Dynamics
Family dynamics can be tremendously complex. These relationships are multi-layered and may have played out for ages. Next to love relationship, and then business, family relationships are at the top of the list for many of my clients.
For many family is a love-hate scenario, which can be particularly challenging. It is said we cannot choose our family, but we can choose how and when, or if, we interact with them. However, severing family ties is a big step and not one taken lightly. By the time this happens the drama, or abuse has been ongoing for years – many times beginning in childhood. A childhood that in spite the passage of time is as fresh and painful as it was when it occurred. If money and or control are woven into the mix, the matter doubles in complexity.
It’s an unfortunate truth that many of the people that I speak with, especially empaths, intuitives and highly sensitive people, have family histories that are rife with conflict, and often also abuse. They often share a feeling of not belonging, being singled out, or being the scapegoat of the family. The suffering is long-term and tragic, with the scars running deep.
Why I Do Readings
The main thing I notice about being a channel is the focus on what healing is, its purpose, and how being a healer in service to others is held against being selfish.
If someone is fulfilled by sacrificial service (victim-savior relations) and this is their mission in life, then they would likely derive the greatest joys from this kind of sacrifice, because Spirit would bring them seekers who want that type of service. It is a sacrifice, indeed, although often cleverly disguised as a helping venue.
In any case, one can pick any way of healing that resonates for you. For me, I find that I prefer to educate my clients in terms of what an empath can and cannot (or should not do) in my opinion. Personally, I am not fulfilled by victim-savior scenarios. I don’t find them to be healthy on any level.
All the same, I used to fall into the trap of trying to ‘fix’ people, to the point that it was my main modus operandi in life – being prey for others that are seeking life source energy from others. I discontinued doing that when I realized several truths:
Your Sacred Center Of Self-Love
We all thrive on being loved. This is natural, of course, if you look back at humanity in history on an evolutionary level. Ancient people came together in tribes, families, and groups, to cultivate a place of safety, security, nurturance, and love. If you were different or stood out in any way, or even left the tribe, you were literally putting your own life at risk. This topic can be viewed from so many arenas, including psychological, spiritual, scientific, and psychic.
I often wonder how and when did we start defining ourselves by how others felt about us, and why did we believe that other’s thoughts about us were true? At what point in time did we allow others to define us? It’s as though we as humanity went into a deep trance.
We all know the phrase, “Love thyself first”. When did we forget this vital piece of information? There are many ways we can come back in touch with this essential truth, but for the most part, our society does not support a lifestyle that would naturally lead us back to our sacred center of self-love. How often do you take a moment to look in the mirror, or tell yourself, “I love you?” Most of us feel silly doing this, but it is very healing.