Self-Care Is Not Selfish

Empaths are givers first and foremost. Loyal, sometimes to a fault, and fiercely protective of those they care about… moving at lightning speed whenever called upon.

So, when I say to an empath that it may be time to put themselves first, the response is often mixed. But, if putting yourself first seems too selfish or too difficult, try something simpler: at least put yourself on an equal footing with those you love and care for.

For many sensitive and highly intuitive people, self-care must be an acquired behavior… and it’s a big one. Empaths intend to be selfless, to help, heal and facilitate those they care about. Wonderful! But remember, if this is your goal, then begin with yourself. The stronger, healthier and happier you are then the more effective, nurturing and supportive you can be to those around you.

Putting yourself first doesn’t mean that you are doing only what you want to do all the time, and it doesn’t mean that you are suddenly going to ignore those you care about. What it does mean is making it a priority to take care of your own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs. This can be a tall order and quite the task for some empaths. Don’t wait until you are in a meltdown… frustrated  and snapping at everything and everyone around you, with little or no provocation.

The world needs them, but what they need is something as aberrant as themselves, and that is silence, stillness, and rest ~ Donna Lynn Hope

The most important first step is to stop for a moment and check in on yourself. How are you feeling in your body? Are you tense, rundown, experiencing headaches or physical discomfort? How are you feeling emotionally? What are you thinking about? Your body, mind and emotions will send you very clear signals if you are neglecting yourself.

You must be willing to begin to be your own caretaker first.  This is your life, honor it. No one else can do this for you.  Realize that when you begin to do take these steps, others will notice the impact it is having on you and potentially want to model the same care for themselves. This leads to them feeling happier, more balanced and less reliant on you. Self-care is in fact a gift not only to you, but to those you care about.

The benefits of self-care can include improved happiness, increased energy, less stress, more balanced relationships, less resentment and more respect from others. If they see you honoring, caring for, and respecting yourself, they will be more inclined to extend that respect back to you. You are showing them who you are and how to treat you, by modeling it through self-care.

Like most people, empaths lack self-love but empaths also have huge issues around self-care and creating healthy boundaries.  They often have such strong tendencies towards over giving, putting other’s needs first that they more easily suffer exhaustion, stress and burn out ~ Eileen Burns

Two good resources I can recommend for this process are J.N. Knowles’ book If You Want To Be Happy Learn To Put Yourself First, and Shawanna Kennedy’s The Power of Putting Yourself First: A Guide To Becoming The Best Version Of You Ever. Kennedy’s book comes with a workbook to help clarify necessary choices and decisions and walks you through the sometimes challenging changes necessary along this road.

Make a commitment to shift your perspective, give yourself a break and begin the process of putting yourself first.