self-care
Friendship And The Empath
Friends are a wonderful addition to our lives. In some cases they even take the place of family of origin, and become our chosen family. A healthy friendship is a balanced one – give and take, trust, loyalty, acceptance and truth delivered with compassion. Unfortunately, for the empath, friendship can also be treacherous territory, sometimes rife with debbie downers, energy thieves, and psychic vampires.
There are different levels of friendship, from casual social friendships to those we call ‘best friends.’ These best friends are ones with whom we feel safe sharing our deepest secrets, fears, hopes and dreams.
Social media has made it much easier in recent years to connect with friends. With a click of the keyboard a new friend can be made or an old acquaintance rekindled. Social media sites have even recognized the importance of providing the choice of putting people into the appropriate category, such as people from work or close friends. People can be also unfriended, blocked or reported if they are out of bounds, and what is seen publicly by our friends can be limited.
Dealing With Dysfunctional Family Dynamics
Family dynamics can be tremendously complex. These relationships are multi-layered and may have played out for ages. Next to love relationship, and then business, family relationships are at the top of the list for many of my clients.
For many family is a love-hate scenario, which can be particularly challenging. It is said we cannot choose our family, but we can choose how and when, or if, we interact with them. However, severing family ties is a big step and not one taken lightly. By the time this happens the drama, or abuse has been ongoing for years – many times beginning in childhood. A childhood that in spite the passage of time is as fresh and painful as it was when it occurred. If money and or control are woven into the mix, the matter doubles in complexity.
It’s an unfortunate truth that many of the people that I speak with, especially empaths, intuitives and highly sensitive people, have family histories that are rife with conflict, and often also abuse. They often share a feeling of not belonging, being singled out, or being the scapegoat of the family. The suffering is long-term and tragic, with the scars running deep.
When A Relationship Ends
Many requests for readings that I receive are about relationships, and a good percentage of those are about past relationships that just seem to keep hanging on in callers’ minds and dreams. There are often constant thoughts about the person, a longing for a second chance, or bitterness and remorse for time that now seems wasted.
The longer and more intense the relationship, the more battle scars and wounds exist. If it was a soulmate or twin flame connection, the aftermath can be gutting. The relationship has ended and the connection has been severed in this life. This time can be acutely painful. You know that you gave it everything. You hung in there for years, or you went to heroic lengths to ensure the survival of the relationship, but you fell short.
I am frequently asked, “Is it really over?” Of course, the answer depends on the particular circumstances and this is where a reading with a trusted psychic advisor can be very helpful. It can bring clarity, comfort and assurances about choices and decisions made along the way.
Why I Do Readings
The main thing I notice about being a channel is the focus on what healing is, its purpose, and how being a healer in service to others is held against being selfish.
If someone is fulfilled by sacrificial service (victim-savior relations) and this is their mission in life, then they would likely derive the greatest joys from this kind of sacrifice, because Spirit would bring them seekers who want that type of service. It is a sacrifice, indeed, although often cleverly disguised as a helping venue.
In any case, one can pick any way of healing that resonates for you. For me, I find that I prefer to educate my clients in terms of what an empath can and cannot (or should not do) in my opinion. Personally, I am not fulfilled by victim-savior scenarios. I don’t find them to be healthy on any level.
All the same, I used to fall into the trap of trying to ‘fix’ people, to the point that it was my main modus operandi in life – being prey for others that are seeking life source energy from others. I discontinued doing that when I realized several truths:
Checking In With Yourself
In today’s hustle-and-bustle, busy world there is sometimes the need to slow down and take break. Take a moment to say hello to yourself. Do a check in. Catch up with you. As a wise man once told me, “You must start by starting!” Quite so, because it makes things much more confusing if we think about it too much.
The best time to begin your day is the previous night, when you go to bed. What’s your current practice before going to sleep? Have you gotten your clothes ready for the next day? That is a handy practice that many people do. Have you gotten your soul ready as well? That is truly where to begin.
Saying hello to your soul is a powerful healing tool. Doing it consistently, just like having coffee or tea in the morning, brings you closer to yourself and takes you to a higher perspective. By you treating yourself kindly, it spreads outward. As you heal yourself, so shall you heal others.
A Few Minutes Of Daily Self-Care
I often tell my students to take some ‘me time’ each day, even if it’s only five minutes for self-care. And I have heard 101 excuses as to why someone cannot do this, ranging from parenting responsibilities and career, to house cleaning and maintenance. These excuses typically start with the words, “I have to…”
At one workshop, I had several people offer their excuses for not having even a few minutes for themselves on a daily basis. Then I narrowed it down to a simple question. When you have to go to the washroom, do you hold it in all day long, and all night, because you ‘have to’ do something else? After the laughter stopped, because I did do an exaggerated imitation of someone ‘holding it’ by rolling on the floor in agony!
And then I asked the next question. By holding it all day and night, and writhing in pain and agony, what did I accomplish? How much time did I waste focusing on this issue of ‘I have to go,’ but ‘I don’t have time.’
This is the simplest way to explain time management versus wasted energy and time. I take a bath or shower each day, as do most people. I am usually at least a few minutes under the water in some way. Water is my peacemaker and my calming force. It energizes me and charges me for the day.
Healthy Boundaries – The Best New Year’s Resolution!
The best New Year’s resolution many of us can work on in 2019 is to create healthy boundaries with the people in our lives. These boundaries don’t have to be all about just creating space or distance between you and a few toxic people and things in your life. It can also include keeping yourself from being exposed to negativity on social media, or avoiding those foods you are intolerant to. In 2019 I recommend we all take a moment to think about the things we do, say, consume, and the people we spend our time with. Whatever it may be that brings us down, or steals our energy, needs to go. And no more people-pleasing.
Dr Seuss says, “Those who matter don’t mind, and, those who mind, don’t matter.” Well, it’s true. Those people who have a problem with you, because your belief system is different from theirs, for example, are absolutely out of line! I have said it once and I will say it again: the world will be a very boring place if we all had the same ideas and way of thinking. Diversity is what keeps our world going. So it’s okay to be different. I am big on keeping it real and being authentic. I refuse to be a conformist.