suffering
Forgiveness Is The Solution
Forgiveness may be the path to a truly happy and fulfilled life. In his book The Forgiveness Solution, Dr. Philip Friedman puts forth the idea that all our emotional concerns, such as judgment, anger, and grievance, come from our inability to forgive. When we hold onto this emotional baggage, it harms everything. Hurt people hurt people. Taken to the extreme, it may lead to self-harm, or harm to others. But there’s a way out of this vicious cycle.
The first and most important step is to learn to forgive ourselves and develop, what Dr. Friedman calls ‘self-regulation skills.’ In essence these skills are defined by the classic Serenity prayer for courage to change what we can, acceptance of what we cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference. In addition, becoming wholly healthy, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, will better allow self-forgiveness.
When we engage in our daily spiritual practice, we should ideally include a mantra about forgiveness. It may take a while for the idea to take root. Habits take about 30 days to become routine, but after you’ve begun to forgive, you can let the pain go by the wayside.
Keeping a positive attitude is essential to the process of forgiveness. This doesn’t mean that you have to be happy all the time. What is does mean is that setbacks and obstacles are regarded as challenges to overcome, rather than insurmountable hurdles.
Healing Your Family Lineage
Have you ever heard a whisper from your ancestors that is clearly guiding you? Sometimes it also comes as a gesture of approval. I have heard my fair share, including one of my dearest family members whispering to me, and calling me by name, as she left her hospital bed at the time of her passing. It was so clear, sacred and spot on! She was letting me know how to deal with issues that would be coming my way after her passing, because she would no longer be there to protect me. And, oh, the validation! It meant so much – far more than my mere words can express. Stemming the flow is indeed observed by our ancestors.
Every lineage has wounds that are passed along throughout generations. The trauma is deeply ingrained in our ancestry. There are no exceptions. Lucky are those of us who have chosen to affect the healing of these imprints. Usually, in a generation, it is the task of the person that is most misunderstood.
If that person is you, it is your sacred task and a path of honor that is earned through hardship on many levels, especially familial relationships. No worries. Your ancestors are guiding you. If you listen closely, you will hear them speak encouragingly. And, be sure to watch for indications of their presence. Indeed, they are witnessing for you.
Sometimes The Solution Is Right Before Us
A client recently asked me why ‘bad things’ keep happening in her life. Why does everything seem so hopeless and nothing is fun anymore? She is constantly in pain and there is really no more joy in her life.
The first thing Spirit showed me was a vision of myself when I was in pain, then a flash of me doing Yoga and how I was no longer in pain. For me the key is to not second guess, just to share whatever I get immediately. So, I simply told this women she must start doing Yoga. “Oh my gosh, she said, “I gave up Yoga some time ago and then the pain came back. I never thought of that!”
We have to be proactive and create positive steps in creating positive outcomes. It is simply the Law of Cause and Effect. We get pain relief from doing things that make us feel good and things that are good for us. Spirit says, “If we do nothing to fix something, nothing will get fixed.”
Sometimes in life we are so busy with the drama and chaos that we can’t think with clarity, in order to see what we need to do. Sometimes the solution is right before us, but we don’t realize it, because we are overlooking it. My client said she felt like a blindfold was lifted . Apparently she sees her old Yoga mat in her closet every day, but chose to overlook it. “Not anymore,” she laughed.
An Attitude Of Gratitude
I find that people who don’t appreciate what they have, often have their gifts and blessings challenged, or even lose it. And obsessing about what we don’t have can lead to depression and anxiety. It certainly does not help you to attract more into your life.
So, consider shifting from thinking about what you don’t have, and what you want and goals, and instead try an ‘attitude of gratitude.’ This is a dramatic shift. Changing from thinking about what we don’t have to instead feeling grateful for what we do have, what we have been given, and what we have already achieved, changes what we attract.
This shift in thinking does not mean you can’t have goals, it just means you don’t feel an emptiness associated with those goals. Nothing is missing. There is just more to be gained. You already have the sundae… it doesn’t need that cherry on top. A cherry would just be a nice bonus!
I’ve seen people become so obsessed with a timeline for getting married, for example, that they soon did get married… but to the wrong person! The universe knows your true destiny. It knows what you need and when. Try to be patient and trust the flow.
Putting 90% of your focus on feeling grateful for what you do have and 10% on what you would still like to obtain, will completely change your outlook on life, as well as your physical and emotional health.
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The Powerful Gift Of Self-Compassion
Empaths do not only have the capability to discern another person’ suffering or pain. We also have the gift of compassion – the ability, as well as the desire, to mitigate someone else’s pain, or alleviate it all together. The two abilities go hand in hand. I have yet to meet an empath who doesn’t express deep compassion and a sincere desire to mitigate pain and suffering. It’s a wonderful gift that the world could use a lot more of right now.
According to Emma Seppälä, a writer for the Harvard Business Review, compassion is a much better business management tactic than toughness. Research shows that the more compassionate response will get you more powerful results as a business manager.
Compassion inspires loyalty according to a study by Jonathan Haidt of New York University. Haidt found that the more employees looked up to their leaders, and were moved by their compassion or kindness (a state he called elevation), the more loyal they became to them. It follows then that responding with anger or frustration has the opposite effect.
Dealing With Dysfunctional Family Dynamics
Family dynamics can be tremendously complex. These relationships are multi-layered and may have played out for ages. Next to love relationship, and then business, family relationships are at the top of the list for many of my clients.
For many family is a love-hate scenario, which can be particularly challenging. It is said we cannot choose our family, but we can choose how and when, or if, we interact with them. However, severing family ties is a big step and not one taken lightly. By the time this happens the drama, or abuse has been ongoing for years – many times beginning in childhood. A childhood that in spite the passage of time is as fresh and painful as it was when it occurred. If money and or control are woven into the mix, the matter doubles in complexity.
It’s an unfortunate truth that many of the people that I speak with, especially empaths, intuitives and highly sensitive people, have family histories that are rife with conflict, and often also abuse. They often share a feeling of not belonging, being singled out, or being the scapegoat of the family. The suffering is long-term and tragic, with the scars running deep.
Energy Vampires And Psychic Bullies
Is someone or something draining your energy? Most of the time it’s someone whom you are either trying to please, or get approval from, or someone you’re trying to help. You may begin to notice that something changes in your energy field each time you are around this person, or that you feel an imbalance of some sort afterwards. When I say being around a person, this can mean exposure to them through meeting in person, texting, talking over the phone, and even energetically, or psychically.
Energy bullies and psychic vampires are very good sucking the life force right out of you. Unfortunately, you may not notice this is happening, until after the fact. However, once you realize what has happened, identifying it is the first step to proactive healing, regeneration, and protection from allowing it to happen again.