self-delusion
Authentic Feelings Are Not Always ‘Sunshine And Rainbows’
What a comfortable, easy life this would be if everyone could just feel like ‘sunshine and rainbows’ all the time. The truth is that the many of the most worthwhile things in life do not come from ‘easy’ and ‘comfortable.’ And when we suppress our true feelings, it is ultimately detrimental to our health body, mind, and spirit.
Revealing our true feelings does not come easily for many of us. I am not trying to make up an excuse, but I just was not brought up that way. My parents’ generation were masters of the art of concealing their true feelings, good or bad. When I am doing a mediumship reading, and a departed parent or grandparent shows up, they often say things like, “I wish I told you more often how much I love you.”
I could count on one hand the moments in my childhood that I can remember my parents showing affection for each other in front of us children. Those of us who had been brought up in such a stoic family environment, tend to struggle when are encouraged to express our deepest emotions. As an adult, I do however see the bigger picture today. And I do feel it is necessary to express one’s feelings in a considerate and healthy way.
In my family my parents also never argued in front of us kids. My dad just gave my mom the silent treatment. We grew up thinking he was just be the ‘strong silent type.’ Consequently, I felt that this was what communication in a marriage should be like.
Of course, reality hit me badly with my first marriage, when my ex-husband and I had our first serious argument! I thought it meant the marriage was now over, because I had no coping skills or frame of reference for this kind of authentic self-expression in a relationship. I also had no clue how to have a good, healthy argument.
Are We There Yet?
Are we there yet? It’s okay to ask. The answer, however, should always be no. If we become preoccupied with destination, we lose sight of the joy and purpose of the journey in the first place. When we honor the journey, we are able to keep on the path of forward motion.
Life itself is the journey. We learn the hard lessons, and finally understand that it’s a never-ending process. Often things occur in the guise of mistakes, failures, misunderstandings, hurts. But in truth, not learning from these events is the only failure. And if you don’t learn it the first time, it is highly likely the lesson will repeat itself, over and over again, until you actually do learn it.
When our behavior and actions change, we convert what we have learned into wisdom. For some people the process is a lifelong quest, while others utilize what they have learned and it moves them along quickly. Some people need to go deeper within themselves to make progress.
It is always good to ask if we are there yet. Especially at the beginning of every journey, or when the learned lessons tell us there is more work to be done – inner work to get to the very core of our being. For some people inner work can be very frightening, as many of us deeply suppress the things that we don’t want to deal with. But to complete the journey we must peel away the layers, like peeling an onion.
The Truth About ‘Twin Flames’
If you are confused about the spiritual concept of ‘twin flames’ and ‘soulmates,’ you’re not alone. Perhaps, I can shed some light on this very misunderstood subject.
I could never have understood or imagined it myself either, until I found myself going through the ‘madness’ myself, over 20 years ago. If you have never gone through a so-called twin flame experience, you won’t understand it. It’s a romantic connection like no other! But the biggest lesson I learned for it is that it is also no reason to stay in a toxic relationship.
My twin flame relationship was highly important to me, regardless of it being a one-way street. I meant so much to me that I ended up travelling to Mumbai, India, to obtain advice and assistance from a highly skilled gurugi (spiritual teacher). I was convinced that she could fix things for me, since my relationship was surely ‘meant to be.’
The feelings were so intense, for me, anyway. And, I was convinced that my beloved’s feelings for me were of the same exquisite level. In fact, I had no idea or any way of gauging otherwise. The ultimate fantasy, right!
Further, I thought that it was up to me to heal this person that had captured my heart. It seemed to me the more painful the relationship was, the more healing I had to do for him. As a result, I carried the entire relationship energetically, and emotionally.
For example, although I had always been a passionate ‘foodie,’ I began to look anorexic, as I continued on this healing mission for him. I was eating plenty of good food all the time, but I realize now that I was so drained, as a result of giving him so much of my energy, that it wouldn’t have mattered what, or how much I ate.
When Too-Close-For-Comfort Reveals The Truth
So, here is something new, which I have not heard before in my work: distraught clients asking for help while quarantined with their partner or spouse. For some, being cooped up with their significant other is apparently not going very well!
The circumstances that we are all going through at the moment, is forcing us to take another look at our closest relationships and see if they are meant to be long lasting, or if it is only a chapter or season in our life. Some relationships start off wonderful like a TV commercial, one minute it is heavenly, and then one day not so much.
So, let me share a recent Tarot reading I did for a gentleman, who said it helped them a lot during this too-close-for-comfort time at home with his wife. Who knows, maybe it will be of value to you too? It might just rescue your mental health, happiness and well-being…until they let the two of you out of the house again.
He said that he is a great problem-solver, but just can’t figure out how to make this marriage work. He never saw certain aspects of his wife’s personality, until he has now been forced to have to be around her for a very long extended period of time during the Covid-19 lockdown. He also admitted that sometimes it’s hard to really connect his feelings to things going on in his life, only because he “can be moody.” But we soon discovered the real truth about his toxic relationship.
In the reading, I saw that he has had many relationships in his life and he acknowledged that he had been married several times. I said that I felt it did not work out because he didn’t get the necessary support he needed from his mates in the past.
Aligning Yourself To Attract Lasting Love
When I do readings, many people usually want to talk about their love life. This is a valid and meaningful subject for all of us. Having a meaningful, harmonious and loving relationship is a wonderful part of the human experience. However, it is also true that a relationship often does not solve many of the problems and issues we have as a single person.
It is important to understand that we carry our consciousness with us everywhere we go. If you assume that you will find a relationship that will ‘make you happy,’ then you are deeply mistaken.
Yes, we may draw temporary relational circumstances that allow us to feel a little better about ourselves, but without a firm structure of personal happiness, we will eventually engage in self-sabotaging behaviors that cause the relationship to become unsustainable.
Again, we will carry our consciousness with us everywhere that we go. If we are discontent being single, we will find a way to be discontent in the relationship also.
Every relationship is the product of co-creation. Too often when a relationship does not work out, it is easy to point to the other person and say, “You did this to me.” And it makes sense, because if the original assumption is that the other person will ‘make us happy,’ then we will also make the automatic assumption that the other person can ‘make us miserable.’
Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough
Sometimes we put our heart and soul into a relationship, only to get cheated on, or dumped for no reason. The main question that usually comes to mind in this type of situation is, “Why am I not good enough?”
Take a moment and consider the relationships of relatives and friends, who have gone through similar a experience. Some people are able to jump right up and move forward, while others sit and wallow in self-doubt and self-loathing – sometimes for years.
Working with many people over the years, one of the biggest eye openers for me has been that it is typically the partner who is left behind, and then struggles to move forward, who compromised the most in the relationship. They usually gave, and gave, and gave, and didn’t receive much in return. Their needs always took a backseat in the relationship. They would sacrifice more and more, until there was nothing left for them to give, while their partner did not change and simply kept using and abusing them.
If you constantly compromise on what you really want from a relationship, the union will at some point simply disintegrate. The other person is never going to magically become someone different. That person you hoped they would become, after you moved in, or after you gave a little more, or after you married them, or after you had a child with them…never shows up. What you see in someone from the start, is simply who they are.
Making The Most Of Pisces Season
Today we are entering Pisces season. The Sun moves into the zodiac sign of Pisces every year from February 18th through March 20th, and activates our compassion, intuition and imagination. This is a cycle where we are able to get in touch with our deeper emotions and heal any issues that might be weighing us down.
Pisces is a mutable, water sign, which allows us to be more flexible and go with the flow of the Universe. Now is not the best time for planning and taking action, but great for reflection, journaling, artistic expression and dreaming.
Technically, Pisces is the last sign of the zodiac and shows us the accumulation of what we have learned in the past year. It also helps us release in order to prepare for the next cycle in Aries.
The negative aspects of Pisces brings up addiction issues, escapism, delusions, being overly sensitive and falling into a victim mentality. It can seem like we are swimming in circles in this period, so acknowledging our direction and any imbalances are vital.
The Sun in Pisces is also a good time to get in touch with our bodies, and to detoxify with lots of water, fresh whole foods, and upgrading our self-care routine. If you are unsure of where to start with exercise, more gentle movement activities, like Tai Chi, Yoga, Pilates or swimming in a body of water, will help create re-connection. It is all about taking your time and accepting where you are in your life.