life lessons
When Others Let Us Down
Many years ago, a skilled numerologist told me that her analysis showed that I am the kind of person who always does what she says she will do. “When you commit to getting something done, one can be very sure it will get done,” she said. Therefore, it always baffles me when people make plans with you, or promise to do something, and then they do not follow through. I tend to take it personally.
My late husband often spoke nostalgically of how, back in the day when he first went into business, a man’s handshake on an agreement or promise still meant something. Perhaps times have changed?
Clients often consult with me on similar disappointments in their lives. When they are let down by others, they contact me to seek answers as to why a someone in their life could have been so dismissive of them.
I have personally learned that some people are indeed sincere in the moment they make such promises or commitments, but then they become distracted or forget to follow through. This doesn’t worry them, as they do not have what I call the ‘hyperactive sense of responsibility’ that some of us do!
In a recent holding space healing session, I was surprised to discover that two incidents that occurred very long ago had caused an energy blockage for me. These events seem so minor compared to other instances that caused me much greater disappointment in later years. It reminded me that one should never underestimate influences during our formative years.
The first incident was when I was about fifteen years old, and I had made arrangements to meet up with one of my cousins. I took our arrangement very seriously and was gutted when she wasn´t home when I arrived at her house. I was even more devastated when I complained to my mother about it and she simply responded: “Oh well, don’t fuss over it. Maybe she was just busy.”
Make It Happen Every Day
We have the ultimate ability to forge our own spiritual path in this lifetime, regardless of perceived limitations. As life is lived, important karmic lessons are learned and it is always your free will choice as to how fully you embrace your surroundings and opportunities.
Your experiences will depend on the lessons you choose to learn, the people with whom you interact and the ultimate goals you envision achieving.
To make the most of this incredible journey, spirit invites us to implement the following strategies:
Learn from all your experiences. Rejoice in the ability to create your reality and celebrate your successes, but do not judge your mistakes, nor your supposed failings. Reframe it instead into lessons.
Rejoice in all accomplishments. Even the smallest achievements lead to much greater opportunities. Never criticize your lack of visible success.
Lead by example. Be your best self today and encourage others to do the same for themselves.
Be kind to yourself. Aim for personal balance so that you can give more freely to others.
Be of service. Give so that your heart becomes truly free. Take giant strides in life and make your mark with love and integrity. Don’t let life pass you by.
Evaluate carefully. Think and make wise choices. Step back from the precipice of judgment long enough to gain solid insight before making a definitive move. You are much stronger than you realize. When confusion reigns, ask spirit for support and guidance.
Receiving Spiritual Guidance From Your Ancestors
The ancient tradition of ancestor worship is a powerful, yet often misunderstood spiritual practice. It is typically viewed as a form of idolatry, mainly because of the inaccurate use of the term ‘worship.’
In truth most cultures practicing such rites do not refer to it as ‘ancestor worship.’ The more appropriate terms to use is ‘ancestor reverence’ or ‘ancestor veneration,’ because it is about living descendants paying respect to and seeking the guidance of their loved ones in spirit.
It is a common practice among indigenous people and an integral component of most shamanic traditions. It is not the same as the worship of gods or deities.
In fact, as a spiritual practice it is not much different from looking at old pictures of departed loved ones and rememembering them fondly. We might even tell them how we miss them or share our problems with them. Some of us have even asked them to help us find solutions to problems, or pull a few strings on our behalf from the Other Side.
Although I cannot say I have any special reverence for my ancestors, I do respect them for all the trials and tribulations they experienced while they were in this life. In my ancestral lineage there were courageous prisoner-of-war experiences, the conquering of grievous setbacks and material harships, and even suicides, to mention but a few. Several of my predecessors had truly unique, and even exceptional life stories that still dwell in my cellular memories.
The ancestral technique I use in my spiritual practice is similar to that of the Yoruba people of West Africa. My greatest connection is with my father, and he is the one I communicate with daily in the Yoruba fashion. You can create an altar or sacred space in your home for this purpose.
Less Is More When They ‘Know It All’
Some people just don’t like to hear the truth. Do you also know people who seem to avoid you, because they know you’re potentially going to say it like it is? They recognize you as a person who speaks the truth based on plain common sense.
I have known people who have very little common sense and really do not want help, advice, guidance or direction from anyone. They know it all. That is just the way it is with them. The ego can make us not want to take honest advice, and thus we do not have the advantage of learning and growing with help from others who may have more experience or wisdom. I have learned the fine art of silence when I am around these people. I feel awkward, because those who know what I do for a living realize that they are pretty much transparent in my eyes, when they are around me.
I especially have a very hard time when I am around certain people, because you see the damage they are doing to themselves and others. You want to share a better way with them, but you have to let them follow their own path. It may seem like an unnecessary struggle for them, but maybe they are supposed to go through all that pain and heartache. It may be a part of their unique spiritual journey towards soul growth.
Protect your energy by knowing when to practice the art of silence with people who ‘know it all.’ You can’t resonate with everyone, and it is especially pointless if they don’t appreciate it. Why use up all that precious energy if they are only going to be disrespectful?
The Karmic Lessons Of Soulmate Relationships
What really happens when we meet someone whom we instantly feel a deep connection with? There is an intense ‘spark,’ or the other person somehow feels very familiar as if we have always known them. We just feel very drawn to them, or it feels like it is ‘meant to be.’ But is it truly fate or destiny, or is it just free will?
Well, it is both. Such a person usually comes into our life bearing the gift of a karmic lesson! This is related to fate, and soul contracts. Certain people are ‘fated’ to come into our lives, but whether we choose to let them walk beside us, and in what capacity, is almost always ruled by free will and influenced by which lessons we are currently working on integrating. With these people we typically share what is known as a soul contract or soul agreement, and often they are part of our soul family or soul group.
So, it is indeed ‘meant to be’ with these people…but, with a big but. We must be very careful what we wish for and remember that we also have free will, as do they. Just because something is ‘fated’ or ‘meant to be,’ doesn’t mean it’s something either of you want.
While the idea of us having a predetermined fate or predestined life path can seem like a comforting, convenient and safe concept, ‘meant to be’ does not always equate to ‘easy,’ ‘fun,’ or ‘pleasant.’ It is about the experiences we signed up for in coming here, and some of us have chosen some very challenging karmic lessons for this lifetime. Beware, karmic lessons are often difficult and really challenging!
What we learn from these people can transform our lives and boost our soul growth in profound ways, but just because something is destined or ‘meant to be,’ doesn’t mean it will necessarily be a pleasant or easy experience.
Karmic Fate Versus Free Will Manifestation
We often say things are ‘meant to be,’ or it was ‘fated’ and therefore out of our hands entirely. But is this really true? How much of what happens in our life is pure luck, chance, or predestined fate? How much of our destiny do we actually control?
Many people also believe that we are able to manifest whatever we want. But how is this even possible if there is such a thing as fate? If predestination or divine will rules part, or even most of our life, then surely there must be limitations or restrictions to what we can manifest?
Well, not exactly. There is fate, but there is also free will.
It is my understanding that fate is related to our karmic life lessons, while free will is our capacity to make choices and manifest aspects of our life as we desire. Many people do this unconsciously most of the time. However, as much as we have free will, the karmic lessons we have to learn are still woven into our life choices and integrated with our manifestations.
So, some aspects of our lives are indeed fated certainties. For example, experiencing certain major life events or traumas. These immutable, unchangeable events or outcomes are related to the karmic lessons we have selected to work through in this lifetime.
If a chosen karmic lesson is, for example, is tied to the experience of infertility it may be ‘fated’ that the person who chose this path will not be able to have children of their own in this lifetime, or will at least struggle to do so. This is an example of how a karmic lesson can limit or restrict manifestation. But, while it may preclude the experience of parenthood in this lifetime, it does not block the potential manifestation of parenting experiences – there are other options open to becoming a parent, such as adoption, fostering, or a blended family.
Spiritual Enlightenment Is Not A Fireworks Display
Many seekers desire spiritual fulfillment, or yearn for enlightenment, assuming it would instantly bring them wisdom, inner peace, and serenity. But instead, true spiritual growth is often delivered in challenging ways we never expected.
Increased spiritual growth often begins with life-altering events, unsettling discoveries, or distressing insights – such as realizing what has really been holding you back from attaining spiritual fulfilment. These learning curves can show up in many ways. For example, as an unexpected ending of a relationship, a health crisis, or the loss of a loved one.
Often, it shows up in the form of disruptive events that expose dysfunctional thought or behavior patterns that have been stifling your mental freedom, or a toxic mindset that has been hindering your ability to see clearly to break free from limiting beliefs and self-sabotage.
The term ‘spiritual enlightenment’ is used very loosely these days and has become a confusing concept to many people. The truth is that authentic spiritual enlightenment is actually not a very big deal. It is seldom the ‘fireworks display’ that our egos might want it to be.
Spiritual accomplishment is nothing to be prideful or boastful about. It is actually a very quiet process; inward and intimate. People who go through this process in an authentic way, report the experience as being a modest, intuitive alignment, rather than a dramatic breakthrough of profound elation.
Only once we have improved our intuitive alignment, are we subtly encouraged by spirit to not to stop there, but to muster up the courage to take further steps in our spiritual growth and evolution. We become increasingly self-aware and are able to assess what we may have done to contribute to the disappointments in our life, and how these dysfunctional patterns may have started.