trust
When Spiritual Leaders Let Us Down
It is a hard lesson for some of us to learn that people are just people. We are all capable of good and evil. The difference is the choices that are made on how to handle our emotions and feelings.
When you put faith and trust in an individual and are let down, you start to second guess your decisions and lose some faith in yourself to make wise decisions. It can leave a big hole in your heart and create trust issues in the future.
It seems impossible for a person who has done remarkable good deeds to also choose to do bad things. We must realize that all people have temptations in life. Some people can avoid the albatross on their back, while others simply cannot. It takes a very strong person to walk their talk.
The same applies to ‘highly spiritual’ people, because some healers, gurus and spiritual leaders certainly have had their own cross to bear.
Why Empaths Fall Victim To Narcissists
Why are narcissists and empaths often drawn to one another? This is a phenomena many of us empaths fall victim to. Which, at first, may seem odd, since empaths and narcissists are polar opposites! But, maybe that is the key? Opposites attract.
But, what’s more profound, is that the narcissist preys upon the empath’s dedication to healing those who are emotionally wounded or scarred. By nature empaths are deeply caring, compassionate people. The empath’s purpose in life is to support healing in others, yet due to their intense sensitivity, empaths often struggle to create healthy boundaries for themselves, giving in to martyrdom, victimhood, co-dependency, and chronic self-sacrifice.
An empath will do anything in their power to help or heal another. And, will not easily give up or walk away. This makes them prime targets for the narcissist.
There are different types of narcissists. But, for this article, I will discuss the most common. And, that is the Amorous Narcissist. They tend to measure their self-worth and grandiosity by how many sexual conquests they have conquered. This type of person is known for using their charm to ensnare others with attention, flattery and gifts. But, they dispose of their target once they become bored or when their needs have been served. The target typically won’t so much as get an explanation, much less a goodbye.
Dirty Little Secrets
So many of us have secrets. Some sneak food, others drink alcohol, or they have a sugar habit, can’t have an orgasm, or they are depressed. More interestingly, in my experience, some people in the helping, motivation, exercise, or spiritual industry often have more secrets than most. They keep these secrets, because they have more to lose. If they are supposed to be selling a service or product that ‘works’… appearances matter (perhaps even more than the practice they sell).
Furthermore, people love to worship their idols and gurus… who are sometimes frail and imperfect humans themselves. We create heroes who in turn create themselves. Some of these ‘heroes’ come close to revealing themselves, most are only revealed after their death. In truth, we have no idea what other people are really going through in their lives. Nor do we typically want to know. Instead we prefer to worship some ideal. This helps us to further self-criticize, because we are not that ideal like them. And this in turn encourages everyone to keep more secrets.
The Rush Of ‘Meant to Be’
Meant to be? I don’t think so. Whether you have decided you just met your twin flame, soulmate, or your heart’s guru, if you are in a hormonal adrenalin rush you are reacting to a chemical high – and that high can mean many things. Actually, the love you feel for a true soulmate or ‘meant to be’ will never be a tornado, neither will it rock your world. Instead, it will roll in like a sunrise, many sunrises.
The energy of a true soulmate connection can be strong, but it will also definitely be soft, gradual, filled with nuances that you could not even have imagined, and therefore could not have ‘manifested.’ It is a love that is revealed to you. Not an energy that traps you in a whirlwind high.
People who rush into energy traps, will then justify the often (and usually) dramatic ending to these kind of relationships with some New Age jargon, without examining their own dysfunction, lessons learned, the hidden greed inside of them that caused the addictive response to the rush they called their “meant to be.”
How To Trust Your Spiritual Teacher
If you have a spiritual teacher, how do you know you can trust her? Weren’t you told to trust yourself first? Wait, how do you know you can trust your therapist, or even your doctor? Especially with all the sexual assault cases coming to light these days, it is scary to think that someone who is supposed to be your protector, care-giver, or mentor will use that position to manipulate you into a situation that is abusive, sometime violently abusive. Thinking about this can be horrifying, but so is not thinking about it.
What about the idea ‘trust yourself’? The problem with just trusting yourself is that if you grew up in an alcoholic, drug-abusing, violent family, or in some of the more subtle dysfunctional family dynamics, such as having a narcissistic or wounded parent, your radar for self-care is damaged. You do not yet have the skills to discern what is healthy for you. Your brain and nervous system is literally wired for dysfunction as your default normal setting. This means you will choose the dysfunction you know, because it is all you know. You will seek out an alcoholic lover; or you will find jobs with narcissistic bosses, for example.
Needing The Love Of A Spiritual Teacher
The love of a spiritual teacher is not human love and this is often misunderstood in our Western culture. Many people are drawn to spirituality because they are profoundly lonely. For those looking for the love of a teacher, you can count on that loneliness to be a profoundly unconscious desire to be connected to the Self and to Spirit.
On a dangerous note, this is how cult leaders thrive, by preying on those who don’t realize they are seeking spiritual love, and by offering a manipulative human love. Human love can never fill the gaping hole, and because cult leaders tend to be sociopaths, it can take years for cult followers to wake up. By then there will be a great deal of damage control needed in order to heal.
Choose Your Life Partner Wisely
Many people are looking for that soulmate who will truly be a life-long partner. But because they are so desperate to find that special person, they sometimes align with those that do not necessarily have all the qualities that are important in a healthy, fulfilling relationship. This is unfortunately not how you find your ‘forever.’
In the old days divorce was not even something someone considered once they got married. Neither did couples live together, unless they were married. It was frowned upon when a baby was born out of wedlock. If someone did get pregnant, there was usually a quick wedding, and that was that.