Compare And Despair

Recently, I attended a Toastmasters meeting where a gentleman was delivering his first speech to this specific group – an ice breaker to have us get acquainted with him. Instead of the typical short autobiographical introduction this speaker chose to give us an overview of his philosophy of life.

He told his audience that he sees himself entering a new phase of his life right now. He spoke about how important it is to get to know yourself and to take care of yourself first and foremost, and to always live in the moment.

After the speech and applause, the toastmaster reflected briefly on what the talk meant to him as he had listened. He said it reminded him of a mentor who had once, many years ago, said to him, “Compare… and despair”. If in life you are constantly comparing yourself to others, or comparing what you have with what others have, or what you feel you lack, or need to achieve, then all that will do is bring yourself unnecessary despair.

Let us not look at the talents we wish we had or pine away for the gifts that are not ours but instead do the best we can with what we have ~ B.J. Richardson

The only thing you should ever compare yourself against, his mentor added, is yesterday. Today did you do something constructive or grow in some way that makes you a better person than you were yesterday?

Too often we compare ourselves with our peers, both in our personal and professional lives. Why did he get a raise and not me? Why can I not find a soulmate like she did? Why can’t I be a successful entrepreneur like him? How come they get to have all these wonderful vacations?

Comparison is everywhere for us to attach to, and when we do that we easily become desperate if we are not proactive in monitoring the focal target of our emotions and beliefs. Our mindset changes when we feel despair. We may procrastinate. We may self-deprecate our emotions and behaviors. We may not see a positive change ahead. We slip into the despair emotion.

Yet, just a breath, or a thought away is the ability to shift from comparison to recognition that there is a difference in what I perceive to have and what I want to have. Then I can become active and excited for the possibilities.

It may sound cliché (and it is) to be asked to just change your thought patterns and everything will transform. But the universal truth is that your desires are paramount and influential in your free will and future choices.

So, if you feel your life was awesome a few years ago, and now it is difficult, or tedious, or stressful, then review the comparison, identify the key elements that made your life awesome, and put those elements back into your life. Find people and things that express the same blissful emotion.

How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy ~ Marcus Aurelius

Visualize the life you wish from the place of loving emotion, do not worry about who or how, and let the Universe respond to put the circumstances or people in place. If you wish to find a new job, feel that ‘perfect job’ each new day. If you wish to have a loving relationship, visualize that loving relationship from the feeling attributes.

Do not try and force a specific individual or circumstance into that position as hard as it is not to. Removing the attachment of who, how and which allows the Universe to conspire on your behalf for that person or job.

Many a relationship or marriage has been saved from stagnation by choosing to surrender the need for validation or comparison between word and deed, to that of simply being present in the moment, recognizing that energy is a dynamic and complex environment, and loosening ones grip for control. New skill sets innately develop, energy shifts, fewer arguments and love and meaning return.

Comparisons of yourself, of your behavior, your limitations, or lack, just compounds a feeling of not achieving love, success, and peace. It inhibits the magic. Be magical. Just review and compare to yesterday and strive for positive enhancement.