Self-Help
Reclaiming Your Power When A Relationship Ends
One of the main reasons it is so painful to release someone when a relationship ends, is because we have usually invested so much of our time and energy in our connection with that person. In essence, what we are truly missing when we mourn a relationship are parts of our self that we have given away. What we are mourning is the loss of our hopes and dreams, not merely the presence of the person who is no longer in our life.
If this is something you are currently struggling with, I recommend the following ritual designed to help you reclaim your power after a relationship break-up, so that you can restore your inner wholeness and resume your search for true and enduring love.
Supplies
- 3 votive candles: 1 blue, 1 green, 1 yellow
- 1 aqua marine or clear quartz crystal
- rain or sage incense wand
- small mirror
- 3 copper pennies
- 2 tbsp of fresh or dried mint in a small bowl
- 2 tbsp sea salt
Setting Boundaries With Spirit
A good friend called me recently about experiences her daughter was having seeing spirits and shadow people in their house. They attempted to clear the energy by smudging the home with sage, but her daughter was still seeing these entities. My friend had remembered a story I told her about my early experiences with spirit realm and thought maybe I could help.
When I really began opening my connection to spirit I was in my 20s. Often, just as I was falling asleep, or was dozing, spirits would come and start ‘talking’ to me. In my experience, once one starts communicating, others will follow, as they seem to get excited about being able to connect directly with someone in the physical realm who can actually hear or see them. Needless to say, after not too long, I found this to be somewhat disruptive in my life.
One particular afternoon, as I was dozing off for a nap, a friendly spirit came to call and was telling me about her former life. But after a short time, another spirit arrived, who felt very negative and unpleasant. He seemed to be drawing on my energy and draining it. Although I did not sense him having any evil intention towards me, his negativity startled me. At this time I still had very little experience of consciously connecting to and communicating with spirit, and no real guidance from a teacher or mentor.
After a short time of his negative interference, and pushing deeper in to my energy, I said, “You need to stop right now and go away! And do not come back!” Well, he was gone in an instant and I had a nice peaceful nap for the first time in weeks.
The Past Can Prevent Your Future
Why am I stuck? Why am I not advancing? Why can’t I find love? Why is money never coming to me and always flowing out from me? These are questions I struggled with for a long time in my own life.
I delved deep into many aspects of life design, manifesting change, the Law of Attraction, deliberate creating, and personal growth and reinvention. I have watched, listened and been active in more workshops, online webinars and online learning in this genre than most will ever do in a lifetime. I have read the books and taken many notes. I have made the visions boards and spoken the affirmations. But no matter where I turned, I was always confronted with actual reality versus trying to ‘positive think and believe’ something else. How can we believe we are destined to be something different or better simply by speaking it…or visualizing it? The truth is, it isn’t that simple.
In my search for answers I have also watched others who have participated in the forums, seminars and workshops, and actually achieved something significant in their life. And it has been my observation that the people who have truly risen above their circumstances and achieved their dreams, are the ones that did the deeper inner work.
Make Haste To Welcome Your Blessings
A friend was bursting with excitement recently over the possibility of a purchasing a new home. Her dream of home ownership was finally coming to fruition. Over and over again, she exclaimed, “I cannot believe this is actually happening!”
About ten minutes into our conversation, I found myself somewhat dismayed by my friend’s inability to grasp the blessing in front of her. Astonishingly, she cried tears of joy for the opportunity to purchase her dream home, while quickly losing her enthusiasm and asking how could she be on the receiving end of such a gift?
Somewhere in my dear friend’s consciousness was embedded a belief that not only was she not capable of owning prized real estate, she was equally not deserving of it.
I threw her a life vest, as I will no longer jump in the river of despair to save anyone. Although the tide of denial was high, and the currents of self-doubt were very strong, I reminded her of her rightful place in a glorious life. I reminded her that the Divine Presence within the Universe existed within her very being, and that love in its highest form radiated throughout her entire being.
Now, you might be asking, what’s love got to do with this? Love has everything to do with moving our minds and souls beyond self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness. Love is a master healer that goes hand in hand with forgiveness. In its highest expression, love brings forth life, joy, and empowers each of us to become co-creators within our magnificent world. Love can be directed deep down to heal old wounds that have become anchors, and can free us from cold rivers of crippling despair.
Dealing With Depression
Why are depressed people often considered a ‘downer’? To feel depressed is one of the most scorned, stigmatized emotions. Why, one has to wonder? I believe part of the reason is that people are uncomfortable being around someone who suffers from depression. Again, why? Are they maybe so unstable in their own façade of happiness that being around a depressed person will somehow set them off, tipping the balance in their fragile construction of superficial happiness?
Maybe the discomfort is due to others feeling compelled to ‘help’… only to end up feeling angry, frustrated or helpless around the depressed person, because they just don’t know how to be of any real assistance. This attempt at ‘helping’ is usually aimed at getting rid of the depression, but in truth an important part of real help is simple acceptance.
If one is truly centered, it usually does not matter if another is depressed or angry. Dealing with someone else’s depression is simply like accepting the weather. You wear a raincoat if you have to go out, or you simply stay inside and wait for the storm to settle.
Various genetic, social and environmental factors can affect mood and cause depression. Poverty, abusive relationships, family violence, addiction, toxic environments, including food additives and air pollution (including off-gassing), can all be factors in causing depression, as well as weight gain, anxiety, sexual dysfunction, and so on.
Nurture And Nourish Yourself With Nature
In our busy world we tend to take nature for granted. Consider for just a moment all the things flowers, plants and trees really do for humanity. They sustain life all around the world. Plants produce food and oxygen for many of the largest animals around the world, as well as for humans. Plants are also used for healing.
Unfortunately, modern humanity demands that things grow faster and produce better crops, leading us to alter plants in such a way that they might no longer be as healthy as they once were.
Just by watching the trees, one can predict the weather. We sometimes have an abundance of acorns from the oak trees here in Maine. It is said to be a sign of a snowy winter. Most acorns mature in late summer and begin falling from the trees in September or October. It’s a great time for the squirrels to collect them, and become fat and round before the winter.
In Maine the winter tends to be very long and it’s easy to become a somewhat down and sad. So, my friend and I decided earlier this year to take a ride on such a gray day to the local greenhouse that is open all winter. Plants, flowers, trees and beautiful landscapes can change one’s state of mind and put a smile on your face!
Forgiveness Is The Solution
Forgiveness may be the path to a truly happy and fulfilled life. In his book The Forgiveness Solution, Dr. Philip Friedman puts forth the idea that all our emotional concerns, such as judgment, anger, and grievance, come from our inability to forgive. When we hold onto this emotional baggage, it harms everything. Hurt people hurt people. Taken to the extreme, it may lead to self-harm, or harm to others. But there’s a way out of this vicious cycle.
The first and most important step is to learn to forgive ourselves and develop, what Dr. Friedman calls ‘self-regulation skills.’ In essence these skills are defined by the classic Serenity prayer for courage to change what we can, acceptance of what we cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference. In addition, becoming wholly healthy, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, will better allow self-forgiveness.
When we engage in our daily spiritual practice, we should ideally include a mantra about forgiveness. It may take a while for the idea to take root. Habits take about 30 days to become routine, but after you’ve begun to forgive, you can let the pain go by the wayside.
Keeping a positive attitude is essential to the process of forgiveness. This doesn’t mean that you have to be happy all the time. What is does mean is that setbacks and obstacles are regarded as challenges to overcome, rather than insurmountable hurdles.