Letting Go Of Toxic Love

I have been reading for many years for a lady who is one of my dearest clients. I just love her to pieces. But I did not love the situation she was in with the man in her life, and neither did she. But it took her a long time to come to terms with him.

She was raising their child, while she worked and paid all the bills. Meanwhile, he did as he pleased and did very little to contribute to their home or their relationship. Neither did he make any effort to support her and their child. He has substance abuse problems. When he drinks he uses foul language and doesn’t exercise good judgment. Most of all he isn’t a good role model for their child.

He basically just drank and smoked, while he lay around all day. “And on top of that he eats me out of house and home!” she used to say.

Most of us hold on to toxic love because we are afraid to be alone. We are afraid to be rejected. We are afraid to go out into a world full of strangers. Will we make new friends? Will they love us? So we stay in toxic relationships. ~ Maria Mar

“So he eats all your food, doesn’t work, gets to live for free, while contributing virtually nothing?” I asked her many times. I think she eventually had an “aha!” moment when I asked her this again the other day, because recently she told me that she had asked him to move out, and it felt like a breath of fresh air!

She didn’t feel like anything was holding her back now. She is going to start a new chapter in her life and she feels a weight has been lifted off her shoulders.

She was originally afraid of making this change, because they had been together for so long – over 15 years. But she said then she finally realized, “He changed, and he was taking advantage of me, and I allowed it because I thought he loved me, but he is not longer that same person I met.”

She admitted she was insecure and could have chosen a better partner, but felt someone better would have been too good for her. I stopped her right there. Many women I read for settle for less, and they know in their heart they deserve better.

Bottomline, there was something different in her tone, in her voice when I spoke with her about this big shift in her life. She was so happy, confident and empowered now to do something that was so right for her, after feeling trapped in a situation of toxic energy. Now she doesn’t have to hear foul language, and “the kitchen counter top will no longer be laced with beer cans.”

Toxic love … is a parasite of the human spirit. It uses another person’s weakened spirit to survive. It is an emotional cancer that destroys the healthy parts of a person until there is nothing left except an empty shell– unless its progression is stopped! ~ Brad Paul

I am so happy for her. She has a friend who lives nearby should he cause her any grief in moving out. She knows now this is the best possible choice for her and her child. Instead of singing a song of, “Walking on eggshells” she could now sing the proper lyrics to Walking on Sunshine. She made me smile.

Some people just refuse to change, or grow up. Her mate was one of those people that just refused to clean up his act, because he was only concerned with himself and his own needs. So, if you find you feel trapped in a negative situation or a toxic relationship and feel there is no way out, know that you can say: “No more!” All you need is a little self-belief and some courage.