self-support
‘Under-Doing’ For You And ‘Overdoing’ for Others?
Are you ‘under-doing’ for yourself, or perhaps ‘overdoing for others’ in order to gain approval and love? Many of us fall into this pattern without even realizing it.
When we are raised to be helpful, agreeable and accommodating, it can become second nature to say yes whenever someone asks something of us.
For some people it can take many years, sometimes even decades, to recognize that constantly putting others first may not always be the healthy or loving choice it appears to be.
Learning to set healthy boundaries is not something most of us are taught when we are young, especially if we have grown accustomed to keeping the peace by going along with what others want.
Many of us know what it feels like to be the person everyone relies on. When something needs to be done, we are the first person people think of. When someone needs help, they call us.
At first this can feel rewarding because we enjoy being supportive and dependable. Yet always being that ‘Yes’ person can quietly create an imbalance over time.
When we continually give our time, energy and attention to others without receiving the same in return, the natural flow of energy becomes disrupted. Healthy relationships usually involve a balanced exchange between people.
Navigating Grief Without Losing Yourself
In my work as a psychic reader, I have worked with many people navigating grief. Over the years, I have witnessed how people process loss and transition differently.
I have often had to guide clients toward grounding, self-trust, and setting compassionate boundaries. And, as life would have it, I recently had to draw on that wisdom and apply it to my own family.
My father was recently admitted to hospice care at his local nursing home after spending a week in the hospital. His prognosis was poor.
As our family transitioned to this new phase of care, I stayed in touch with loved ones and made decisions centered on his comfort and dignity.
At the same time, I made a conscious effort to protect my emotional energy and maintain healthy boundaries so that I could stay grounded.
In these circumstances I’ve been grappling with a kind of grief that isn’t often acknowledged: the grief of realizing someone you love is no longer the person they once were.
Even when they are physically present, the relationship shifts. There can be a quiet heartbreak in adjusting to the present while remembering the past.
There is also grief in watching a family reorganize itself. During times of transition, long-standing dynamics often change. Some family connections deepen and some relationships no longer operate as they once did. This can also feel like a loss in terms of shared understanding and how things “used to be.” Sudden changes in family circumstances tend to reveal where everyone actually stands.