toxic relationship
Empath Recovery From A Relationship With A Narcissist
I wrote a previous article about the phenomenon of empaths having a dangerous attraction to, and engaging in toxic relationships with narcissists. I have since been asked how the empath can more easily break away from such a relationship with a narcissist.
I am sorry to have to say, in my experience there is no surefire way to effortlessly sever such a connection. At least none that I am aware of. The connection between these two seemingly opposing forces is indeed a complicated one, since each of them serves the other with complimentary personality traits. Ending the connection is usually traumatic and detrimental to the empath.
Empaths seem to dive head first into ‘soul sucking.’ They are instinctively drawn to emotionally and mentally toxic relationships with narcissistic partners. It is the nature of the empath to try and heal those who are emotionally, mentally and even physically wounded. And too often the empath will commit almost unconditionally to this task.
The narcissist, however, lacks the ability to empathize with others and acts on their own selfish feelings of grandiosity and self-inflated ego. They serve only themselves and their need for attention and adoration. Their loyalty only lies where it is most beneficial to them. They are therefore capable of tremendous levels of deceit and manipulation. They will abuse the empath both mentally or physically to gain control over nearly every aspect of the empath’s life. They make the entire relationship solely about themselves and their needs.
Getting To The Core Of The Matter
One of the many benefits of a good psychic reading is the clarity it can bring. Relationships and situations can take many confusing twists and turns and it’s easy to get lost in the behavior or chaos of the moment. Getting to the heart of the matter involves the psychic advisor looking at your core energy.
Your core energy is the root of you. It is the true you, complete with your innate gifts, skills and talents. Layered on top of that are your experiences, challenges, fears, childhood wounds and past relationships gone wrong. The more scars there are on this layer, the thicker it is and the more it impacts your choices, decisions and behavior.
A psychic advisor will use her skill set to discern what is really going on underneath for all parties involved. A gifted reader will get ‘inside’ and find out what is limiting the success of the relationship, or situation. This is why an advisor may often bring forward information about you, or the subject, that you did not necessarily ask for, but is relevant to increasing your understanding and finding resolution to your situation.
Moving On After A Relationship Breakup
I sometimes have clients who are struggling to move past a recent break-up, or they want to know if they will get back together with an ex. Focusing on the past, by wanting to go back to a happier time, or a relationship that left us sad when it ended, prevents us from living fully in the present. And this may be blocking your path to true happiness.
On the flip side, sometimes the universe will block your forward movement, because you are not truly ready for it. If you need to go through a period of grieving the past, do so in the healthiest way by looking towards the future.
The next chapter for you will be richer if you focus on the path ahead, be it with your ex in a new realm, or someone new. Just know the energy that you give out when you are stuck in the past does not welcome new relationships into your life – at least not healthy ones.
No one wants to go through the pain, sadness or loneliness of a breakup. In my mid-20’s I ended a very serious five year relationship. He had already bought the ring. I knew we were close to making a bigger commitment, but he had broken my trust many times in the relationship.
So, as I looked towards a future with him, I knew I no longer wanted to continue. The relationship ended abruptly and all contact with him was severed, like a death. As I look back I realize it had to end this way, as the relationship was only going in one direction, and I no longer wanted it, even though I still deeply cared for him.
Forgiveness Is The Solution
Forgiveness may be the path to a truly happy and fulfilled life. In his book The Forgiveness Solution, Dr. Philip Friedman puts forth the idea that all our emotional concerns, such as judgment, anger, and grievance, come from our inability to forgive. When we hold onto this emotional baggage, it harms everything. Hurt people hurt people. Taken to the extreme, it may lead to self-harm, or harm to others. But there’s a way out of this vicious cycle.
The first and most important step is to learn to forgive ourselves and develop, what Dr. Friedman calls ‘self-regulation skills.’ In essence these skills are defined by the classic Serenity prayer for courage to change what we can, acceptance of what we cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference. In addition, becoming wholly healthy, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, will better allow self-forgiveness.
When we engage in our daily spiritual practice, we should ideally include a mantra about forgiveness. It may take a while for the idea to take root. Habits take about 30 days to become routine, but after you’ve begun to forgive, you can let the pain go by the wayside.
Keeping a positive attitude is essential to the process of forgiveness. This doesn’t mean that you have to be happy all the time. What is does mean is that setbacks and obstacles are regarded as challenges to overcome, rather than insurmountable hurdles.
When Your Man Is Not Ready To Commit
I often hear how wonderful the guy is that she is dating… if only he would commit to taking their relationship to the next level! If a woman is not satisfied with the way things are going and what she is getting from the relationship, should she continue to wait for him?
By patiently waiting for him against your better judgment, he only learns that he can get away with his lack of commitment, especially if he feels comfortable with what he is getting from the relationship. This way a pattern is formed.
So, how do you avoid wasting some of the best years of your life waiting on a guy that is never going to commit? well, right from the start you tell him what your looking for and what your expectations are. But handle it carefully, after all you don’t want to scare him away before things even get off the ground!
But do let him know how you feel about dating, long-term relationships, commitment, marriage, children, and whatever else may be important to you. This will inform him, so that you have a better shot at being on the same page. If he starts to make excuses, or says that he is not interested in a long-term commitment, at least not right now, then accept his words as the truth.
Your Soulmate is Not Someone Else’s Partner
Many people go through life looking for their soulmate or twin flame, while they may have already found them. To me a soulmate is simply someone you have a past life connection to and your souls cross paths again in this lifetime. It does not mean they are meant to be with you forever. It does not mean that you are meant to be lovers, partners or any other connection other than, you have been together in some capacity in a past life.
Sometimes clients who consult me about their love life are enamored with another person’s spouse or partner, and are so sure that this person is meant to be with them, instead of the person they are with. But the truth is, the Universe, Source, God, will never send you someone else’s partner to be your life mate.
I hear so often, “But I love him!” Or “We are so good together and she does not love her husband.” But these are merely empty words, or wishful thinking. Chances are you are only being used by that other person. They will tell you exactly what you want to hear. “Oh yes, my spouse and I have drifted apart.” Or, ‘My spouse treats me very badly.” Or the best one, “I’m only staying there until the kids are out of school.” These are simply lines to justify the pursuit of an affair.
Creating Space Between Yourself And The Addict
Everybody needs a little time away. Some of us need much longer. I personally know people who have been together for decades, who have found the best way for them to stay together is to give each other some space.
But some of us need even more space than others, especially those of us who are with people who struggle with substance abuse in some way, shape or form. Spirit says that you can still love someone with addiction issues, but you might need some space and time away for your own well-being. I feel strongly that it is unhealthy to stay with someone if they have an addiction, because it does not contribute to peace in the body, mind, spirit, or the home in which you dwell.
Those that have to live with someone who abuses alcohol or drugs, know how hard it can be to have a meaningful conversation or healthy relationship with that person. The energy is always of a lower vibration. And children caught up in those situations have to feel it more than the adults, who may have learned to put up a shield of protection.
We must create a space between us and the addict, in order to keep peace and harmony in the home, for ourselves and those we love and care about. Keeping a peaceful home is a responsibility not only to ourselves, but to those who we are responsible for.