toxic relationship
Let Spirit Put Ego In Its Place
I recently had a conversation with a lovely, learned lady who was quite beside herself, because her husband of ten years simply got up and walked out on her… with no explanation whatsoever! She was understandably beside herself with shock and grief. I asked her what kind of relationship she felt they had and she assured me it was a very loving one. I find it almost impossible to believe that a loving, caring partner would all of a sudden just turn his back with all they had shared together and walk out the door, in what appeared to be a cold and callous man.
I then asked her why she felt they had such a good situation between them and she said it was because she loved him so much. She did all she could to keep him happy and satisfied. Well, now we were obviously getting somewhere. On further probing I found this man had been emotionally detached, and certainly oblivious to her needs. How can this, by any definition, be a warm and loving relationship?
Her ego most assuredly suffered a blow, but I do wonder where spirit was in all of this. It would make no sense to me if spirit accepted such a one-sided relationship that was completely devoid of any care or kindness.
My suspicion is that she had convinced herself that this ‘relationship’ had to maintain itself, or she would not be an ‘acceptable’ woman if she did not have a prominent male in her life, even under these trying conditions. There we go, when ego runs the show a myriad of pains can certainly appear on the horizon! Continue reading
Learning To Deal With Toxic Individuals
If, as many teachings suggest, there is spiritual growth in every experience, and in particular the more difficult times, then being strongly affected by another person’s negative behavior must also be one of life’s lessons.
I have been pondering this because of the increase in psychic reading calls I have been getting related to this very topic. Some of my clients have been profoundly upset lately by the negative outbursts of people in their lives, including family, friends, partners, work colleagues, or even random altercations in public places.
I love these words from the poem Desiderata: “Avoid the loud and the aggressive – they are vexations to the spirit.” How very true. However, more often than not, we are not in the position to avoid those individuals altogether, in order to escape their toxic influence. Even in a friendship turned sour, we often want to give the toxic friend the benefit of the doubt, knowing that they don’t always behave that way. We might even be in love with a negative person, hoping we can change them one day. Continue reading
When Your Love Fantasy Overshadows Reality
Relationships flourish when they are put in the proper climate for growth. When it comes to intimate and romantic relationships it is integral for our own personal growth to recognize what we want and expect within the situation. Boundaries are a powerful way to cultivate the experiences that are more meaningful in our relationships.
Often when I am reading for a person that is having consistent challenges, Spirit will identify similar challenges within the situation. This is not universal, because challenges can stem from many sources. However, I would like to identify some consistent messages that do come up related to relationships.
One issue that comes up quite often is a focus on fantasy rather than reality. This is not to say that fantasy is bad, but when an individual expends a lot of their time and energy fantasizing about how a situation will evolve, they can potentially fall in love with the fantasy instead of the reality. Continue reading
Trust Your Intuition To Avoid Gaslighting
Gaslighting can be a very destructive component of a toxic relationship. It basically refers to any form of ‘reality twisting’ or ‘crazy making’ that aims to confuse or manipulate the victim. Gaslighting is used to gain power and control in the relationship, by making the victim question their reality.
The phenomenon is typically found in romantic relationships, but it can occur in all kinds of social relationships, including friendships, in the workplace and with neighbors. Sometimes it is done in an obvious way, right under the victim’s nose, but mostly it is done under the radar and you don’t always know who is gaslighting you, or even that you are being gaslighted. Continue reading
Does Your Life Own You?
Addressing our desires, needs, goals and actions is imperative as we go through life. Ideally this happens on a regular and consistent basis. Yet, life sometimes has the uncanny ability to delay our well-defined plans, or simply start it without us. It can also unexpectedly speed up our plans.
If you reflect on your current life status, are there aspects of it that make you cringe a little? Is your career, financial health, relationship, or family life in a space where you are just ‘getting by.’ Are you living month to month on your paycheck? Stuck in a stagnant relationship? Do you hate your job? Feeling overwhelmed?
If such feelings are prevalent, then it indicates that your life owns you, instead of you owning your life. Your life owns you when your everyday routine consists mostly of elements of necessity, not of desirous choice.
There is no doubt that modern society has burdened us with the pressures to succeed, to pay the bills, to live where we live. Navigating the meandering river of our material needs occupies much space in our mind. My brain hurts! Continue reading
Love Turns Practical With Venus In Capricorn
For the past few weeks, Venus, the Love Planet, has been in Sagittarius where the focus was on freedom versus intimacy and commitment. Due to this, many romantic relationships have been challenged, or have been coming to an end, and there has been a theme of speaking your truth.
But a shift is coming on December 25th, when Venus will enter into the sign of Capricorn until January 17, 2018. Compared to the adventurous and free-spirited risk-taking in our love lives in previous weeks, this will usher in a more practical and goal-oriented time for romance. Continue reading
How To Not Lose Your Mind
I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve heard comments like “people are losing their minds,” or “folks are sure cracking up lately!” The last one is from my sweet Grandma. She says this almost every day when she watches the news. She does have a point – it definitely does seem that way, doesn’t it?
I noticed people losing their minds on the road, at the gas pump, and in grocery stores. There was also the women at the salon, talking on the phone with someone. Many people do seem to be so quick to anger. Some even go into a mad rage over their hamburger not being cooked right (as we heard recently on the news). Continue reading