toxic relationship
Learning To Say Yes To Yourself
It is in the empath’s nature to say ‘yes’ to just about anything requested of them. It goes against our grain. For some of us, saying ‘no’ also brings on fears of rejection, abandonment or letting someone down when it may be important to support them. Rather than finding an excuse, or simply telling the truth, many of us give in and just go along. It just feels easier in the moment, and even validating or satisfying.
But when you end that phone call, or respond to another text, and you feel anxious and panicked, while you start going over all the other things that will have to fall to the wayside by saying yes, then you really are saying no to yourself. Self-care requires that we sometimes say no to others, in order to say yes to our own well-being and peace of mind. Consequently, the person that you said yes to won’t be getting the best of you. If you have said yes at your own expense, then what you bring to the table for that person is stress and anxiety. Your best self will not be fully present.
Saying yes, when you really want to say no, can also lead to resentment that you then attach to the person who asked for your assistance. Here the responsibility lies with ourselves. We teach people how to treat us and many times we don’t give others enough credit for understanding when we say no. Most people would rather hear. “No thanks, that time doesn’t work for me” or “I have other commitments,” instead of having to sense a half-hearted or less than enthusiastic yes.
The Presence Of Playfulness In Your Life
Consider the level of playfulness in your life. Do you allow yourself to have fun, and play? Are you so wrapped up in your past, other’s lives, work, or something else, that is blocking you from having fun, living more fully, and being playful in your life? Do you enjoy being entertained, or do you feel it’s a waste of time or frivolous?
Dig deep on this. The answers to these questions are what defines where your life is going at the moment. Yes, it is a challenge to dig deep. However, it is so essential in this day and age.
Have you become bitter, are you just walking through life, or do you still have that child-like energy to play, live out loud, entertain others, and be entertained yourself.
There are also deeper aspects to the presence of playfulness in our life. Has play disappeared because you are now in over your head and can see no way to move beyond where you are? Are you stuck or trapped in your life? Are you a person of great insight, wisdom and understanding, yet you are not filling your life with enough entertainment, fun and play?
What is your true opinion of yourself? Do you show one face to the world and another to yourself? Do you present who you truly are or become what you think the person in front of you wants you to be?
Friendship And The Empath
Friends are a wonderful addition to our lives. In some cases they even take the place of family of origin, and become our chosen family. A healthy friendship is a balanced one – give and take, trust, loyalty, acceptance and truth delivered with compassion. Unfortunately, for the empath, friendship can also be treacherous territory, sometimes rife with debbie downers, energy thieves, and psychic vampires.
There are different levels of friendship, from casual social friendships to those we call ‘best friends.’ These best friends are ones with whom we feel safe sharing our deepest secrets, fears, hopes and dreams.
Social media has made it much easier in recent years to connect with friends. With a click of the keyboard a new friend can be made or an old acquaintance rekindled. Social media sites have even recognized the importance of providing the choice of putting people into the appropriate category, such as people from work or close friends. People can be also unfriended, blocked or reported if they are out of bounds, and what is seen publicly by our friends can be limited.
Dealing With Dysfunctional Family Dynamics
Family dynamics can be tremendously complex. These relationships are multi-layered and may have played out for ages. Next to love relationship, and then business, family relationships are at the top of the list for many of my clients.
For many family is a love-hate scenario, which can be particularly challenging. It is said we cannot choose our family, but we can choose how and when, or if, we interact with them. However, severing family ties is a big step and not one taken lightly. By the time this happens the drama, or abuse has been ongoing for years – many times beginning in childhood. A childhood that in spite the passage of time is as fresh and painful as it was when it occurred. If money and or control are woven into the mix, the matter doubles in complexity.
It’s an unfortunate truth that many of the people that I speak with, especially empaths, intuitives and highly sensitive people, have family histories that are rife with conflict, and often also abuse. They often share a feeling of not belonging, being singled out, or being the scapegoat of the family. The suffering is long-term and tragic, with the scars running deep.
Healthy Boundaries – The Best New Year’s Resolution!
The best New Year’s resolution many of us can work on in 2019 is to create healthy boundaries with the people in our lives. These boundaries don’t have to be all about just creating space or distance between you and a few toxic people and things in your life. It can also include keeping yourself from being exposed to negativity on social media, or avoiding those foods you are intolerant to. In 2019 I recommend we all take a moment to think about the things we do, say, consume, and the people we spend our time with. Whatever it may be that brings us down, or steals our energy, needs to go. And no more people-pleasing.
Dr Seuss says, “Those who matter don’t mind, and, those who mind, don’t matter.” Well, it’s true. Those people who have a problem with you, because your belief system is different from theirs, for example, are absolutely out of line! I have said it once and I will say it again: the world will be a very boring place if we all had the same ideas and way of thinking. Diversity is what keeps our world going. So it’s okay to be different. I am big on keeping it real and being authentic. I refuse to be a conformist.
Your Sacred Center Of Self-Love
We all thrive on being loved. This is natural, of course, if you look back at humanity in history on an evolutionary level. Ancient people came together in tribes, families, and groups, to cultivate a place of safety, security, nurturance, and love. If you were different or stood out in any way, or even left the tribe, you were literally putting your own life at risk. This topic can be viewed from so many arenas, including psychological, spiritual, scientific, and psychic.
I often wonder how and when did we start defining ourselves by how others felt about us, and why did we believe that other’s thoughts about us were true? At what point in time did we allow others to define us? It’s as though we as humanity went into a deep trance.
We all know the phrase, “Love thyself first”. When did we forget this vital piece of information? There are many ways we can come back in touch with this essential truth, but for the most part, our society does not support a lifestyle that would naturally lead us back to our sacred center of self-love. How often do you take a moment to look in the mirror, or tell yourself, “I love you?” Most of us feel silly doing this, but it is very healing.
Finding Justice With Archangel Raguel
Often referred to as the Angel of Justice, the name Raguel actually means ‘Friend of God.’ However, Archangel Raguel is considered to be the overseer of not only justice, but also of fairness, harmony and redemption. It is his job to see that God’s will is done on both Earth and in Heaven. Furthermore, he wants you to have the best earthly experience possible. Here’s how to recognize when he is around.
Order In Chaos
Do you feel that your life is a little chaotic at the moment or not ‘in flow?’ Should this be the case, then you may well find that new ideas of how to turn chaos into calm, and thus bring a sense of order into your life, may pop into your head courtesy of Archangel Raguel himself.
Raguel is the leader of a band of angels otherwise known as The Principalities. This group of heavenly beings are known to assist others in the creation of order in their lives. They often do so by recommending spiritual practices, such as meditation, prayer, reading religious texts, connecting with nature on a daily basis, helping those in need, and attending places of worship – all of which would help them grow closer to God. Furthermore, when necessary, they may offer this type of advice to you.