marriage
Keeping Score In A Relationship
I believe the habit of keeping a ‘score card’ might start in someone’s childhood. It is based on developing a certain sense of duty and responsibility early on. For example, as kids I remember my sister and I had to take turns doing the dishes. My sister would always keep tabs on that chore. She always knew whose turn it was next. My sister is four years older than me, and to this day she still keeps score on almost everything in her life.
This also set the precedent for me with friends and other family members. Others keeping score just seems natural to me, so I never feel the need to do so myself.
This did not server me well in all aspects of my young adult life. For example, in relationships it always felt like I was the one trying to make things work. It did not make any difference to me who called who last. Therefore, I ended up doing most of the calling. But does it truly matter that much?
What has the other person done for me? After all I have done and given so much! What do I get out of this relationship? These are the questions score keepers are always asking themselves.
But in my view, a relationship is never 50/50, even if both people are truly happy and fulfilled. One will always be doing less or more. But it does not matter, as true love is supposed to be unconditional.
So, if you are keeping a score card things will never balance and the emotion that will come up is anger, rebellion, defensiveness, or a complete shut-down. That does not serve any relationship in the long run.
Keeping The Family Out Of Your Love Life
Family and our relatives have a huge impact on our romantic lives, whether we realize it or not. We bring so much from the way we were raised into our love relationships and marriages.
But having had a difficult childhood does not necessarily set us up for challenges and failure in our relationships. In fact, for those who are self-aware it can be an advantage of choosing not to bring the toxic drama of your childhood home into a current relationship.
For example, if you saw your father treat your mother without respect, you might set your mind to never allowing that happen in your own relationship. This kind of courage and personal responsibility can break the cycle.
We all have things that happen in childhood things that happen that are out of our control, it is all in how you deal with them that forms us as adults. We have a choice always.
The other aspect is culture and the values and customs with which we were raised. Depending on the circumstances it can have a significant impact on our relationships. Once again it is a choice how we want to handle it. Do we follow the family traditions, or not?
It takes courage and an open mind to march to your own drum. Standing up for what you believe can also go a long way. Sometimes this is vital to ensure a healthy, happy relationship that will last.
Of course, the biggest challenge for most couples is having the family up in your relationship business. Do your relatives influence your decisions and interfere in your relationship? Navigating a relationship or marriage successfully in this day and age is challenging enough.
The Key To Finding True Love
How do I find true, long-lasting love? This is a question I get in many readings, almost every day. True love is indeed a very special, rare miracle. Most people try to find it, but many fail.
I believe the solution is already within all of us, we just need to look inside to find it. Yes, the answer to finding true love is already inside you!
What you need to consider carefully is how much do you love yourself? If the answer is ‘not so much’ or ‘not enough,’ then you need to ask yourself why?
You see, many people do not love themselves enough to feel they actually deserve love. And if we do not believe we deserve love, then we will also not find it. We can only manifest in our life what we resonate with.
Believing that you deserve love simply begins with loving yourself first. When we finally put out of our mind all the self-doubt and lack of self-worth, it changes our mind set to believing we deserve to be happy and to be wholeheartedly loved by others. Then we can move forward by becoming an energy frequency match to finally attracting that someone special.
It all starts is with you. Anyone can achieve and find love, but unconditional self-love is the only viable beginning of that journey. Without self-love and self-acceptance, not other love can survive, much less succeed.
An important byproduct of authentic self-love is that it clarifies your actual wants and needs, and your personal strengths and shortcomings. These are important to know for yourself, as it sets the scene for all your other relationships. Is the person I am dating right for me? You will not know that if you do not know yourself.
It Will Happen When The Time Is Right
Most psychics find it almost impossible to read for themselves, or for friends and relatives. It is difficult to remain objective in readings for people who are very close to us. It is therefore common practice for psychics to read for each other when the need arises.
Many years ago my psychic mentor and I were trading readings. During my reading she told me I would one day have to choose between two men. Of course, I am like everyone else and so I wanted to know when it would happen?
As a professional psychic reader I knew from personal experience that the prediction of the timing for events is really hard to do. But I still wanted it to happen right then and there! I was less experienced then and obviously had a lot to learn. I don’t have patience at all, but sometimes in life you are made to learn important life lessons.
It took over a decade, but my mentor’s prediction finally happened. Yes, ten years later these two men were finally both in my life, just as she had forecasted they would!
Doing psychic readings professionally I am often asked during a reading, “When exactly is so-and-so going to contact me.” Then, if that contact doesn’t come quick enough, there comes the stress and fears. This can cause a bigger misunderstanding, thinking that commutation won’t ever happen. To make matters worse, timing is especially difficult to predict when a person doesn’t have patience or doesn’t give things time to happen.
If you really think about it, would it really be so much easier or better to have everything that we want happen right away? If so, will we be truly ready for it, and will we also appreciate the good things we already do have in our lives?
When Relationships Are Not Meant To Be
I have in recent months become particularly aware how many people are increasingly reminiscing about failed past relationships. In some cases, these are relationships that go back many years. Some folks even go as far as stalking their ex-partners on social media!
I believe it is mainly due to the unusual circumstances caused by the pandemic over the past two years, which prevented the possibility of meeting a new people, or going out on dates. It also brought many of us intense life lessons regarding love, connection, belonging, and loneliness.
I see these issues coming up in many readings nowadays and it often doesn´t sit too well with some of my clients, who tend to feel that their ‘love luck is down,’ or that that the universe is somehow ‘punishing’ them. In extreme cases, folks even believe a hex or curse may have been placed on them.
I also find many people are talking about ´what ifs.’ If only they had done things differently, how things might have turned out differently. But perhaps, if things were meant to have worked out differently, it would have? Again, this would fall in line with certain life lessons we came to this world to experience. I believe we have chosen to incarnate into this world at a time when romantic and social relationships often tend to be more fleeting and distant, especially because of digital technology and our rushed modern way of living.
Interestingly, I am also seeing lately more divorcées remarrying their former spouse after spending many years apart, and despite having lived a new life with someone else in the interim. This often drives their children insane after all the heartbreak, drama and grief the divorce had unnecessarily caused the family. Again, a hard lesson, but a life lesson nevertheless for all concerned.
Just Existing, Not Living?
Do you ever feel like you’re existing and not actually living? Well, guess what? You’re not alone. I think at some point in our lives we all do, especially after everything we have endured over the past two years.
In these difficult times, we worry about our health and safety, money, career paths and choices, the perfect house, the perfect partner or spouse.
Our children. Have we raised them right? Or, have we spoiled them? If you don’t know yet…two year olds grow up and teenagers grow out of it!
All of the above are legitimate concerns. But at some point we need to remember to worry only about the things we can control.
Stop focusing so much time and energy on the things you cannot control. All it brings us are toxic thought patterns, an anxious heart and a restless soul. Once we have learned to give all of that up, life seems a tiny bit easier.
There is a famous saying: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” How very true. You can fixate on all the frustrations, promise yourself that you’ll do this and that, or feel better once you get to wherever – but it doesn’t necessarily work that way. Because it’s easier to think about what you’d rather do, than to just going out and doing it.
The Stages Of True Love
When we fall in love with a potential life partner, we need to understand the lessons and challenges it may bring. Couples grow further with each of these organic stages, and we can learn much about ourselves, as well as our beloved’s life, needs, wants, wishes, goals, and desires.
Those who do not make it through the initial stages will not stay together for very long, and if they do it may become a very toxic relationship situation. Meeting someone is only the first step of the journey. For lasting happiness and fulfillment, we must complete all the stages successfully.
The Matching Stage
Take a moment to feel each one of these checklist items and apply it honestly to your current relationship situation:
1: Attracted to what your eyes see.
2: Appearance, feeling comfortable with their way of dressing
3: Mannerisms, how they hold and present themselves.
4: Voice. Their voice sound has a comforting feeling.
5: Speech. The words they use resonate with your communication style.
6: Values. Does their values line up with yours in life?
7: Lifestyle. Does it blend with yours?
8: Obligations. Are they something you can accept?
9: Goals in life. Matching your goals is a must.
10. Past Experience, can you understand and let go of these.