Do You Have A Map For Your Love Journey?

In my experience as a psychic advisor everyone has a unique love journey.  Love is a big question for many of my callers, yet the answers from spirit are never exactly the same.

Two of the recurring themes I often find in love and relationship readings are that people have a unique set of dealbreakers, as well as personal love languages. And when these differing needs, wants and expectations are mismatched in a love connection it leads to much disappointment, frustration, heartbreak, and even abuse.

If you have been struggling in the romance department, a good place to start improving your chances of finding or building a lasting love connection is to become more self-aware and conscious of your actual expectations. I find many people lack clarity on this and therefore tend to figure it out by trial and error, which is seldom the best approach.

The first step is to figure out what your love language is. How do you expect to me treated by your partner? How should they ideally behave towards you in your relationship dynamic? If we do not know what love behavior we need from a partner, we are also not able to clearly ask for it. And if we do not ask for what we want and need, we are unlikely to receive it.

For example, some people need lots of verbal affirmation in a relationship, while others value physical touch, or receiving gifts, or acts of kindness, or intellectual stimulation, or emotional support. Some simply require quality time, sharing interests, or having their partner’s full attention from time to time. What is your love language?

Fall in love with someone who is both your safe place and your biggest adventure ~ Bianca Sparacino

I also find some of my clients tend to have certain subconscious expectations and even unrealistic demands in a relationship, which is often revealed in readings they are not fully aware of. No potential partner is however flawless and therefore unlikely to ‘check all our boxes.’ Therefore, one must decide which traits and qualities are truly ‘dealbreakers’ for you and which aspects you may be willing to compromise on. It is vital to carefully examine your needs and expectations and clarify what you can and cannot compromise on.

The most common dealbreakers I find that have the most impact on relationships include:

• Alcohol abuse
• Substance abuse
• Smoking
• Cheating
• Unreliability
• Dishonesty
• Disloyalty
• Manipulative, controlling, abusive behavior
• Aggression and violence
• Financial instability

What we find in a soulmate is not something wild to tame, but something wild to run with ~ Robert Brault

These are just a few common examples. If your biggest dealbreaker is not on my list, be sure to add it to yours. Dealbreakers are highly individual and unique to our personal love journey. Whatever your dealbreakers may be, do not base your shortlist on what your friends and relatives consider important. Stay true to who you are and what you most want and need out of a relationship.

Once you are clear about your shortlist of dealbreakers, as well as your unique love language, you will be more empowered to make better choices in who you open your heart to. There are many loving, kind, reliable, good people out there, but they might not necessarily be your person. That is why personal clarity is so vital! Knowing what your non-negotiable dealbreakers and personal love language is serves as a map for your love journey. Without it you will take wrong turns experience delays, sometimes venture into dangerous territories, or even get lost for many years.

If you settle and allow someone into your life that displays one or more of your dealbreakers, then know that you are settling against yourself, and it will likely cause your extreme unhappiness and sorrow. People who settle are typically the ones that suffer the most in the relationship. Their partners rightly also have their own dealbreakers and love language and usually their needs and expectations are being met by the ‘settler.’ Healthy, lasting relationships are a two-way street. If one or both of you are settling, then the relationship will become dysfunctional or even toxic.

Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct ~ Gary Chapman

Relationship fulfilment and success therefore starts with yourself first. Self-love is knowing what you really need and want, and what you are willing to compromise on. Compromise, being reasonable and selfless, and making sacrifices when necessary are, however, also vital in a happy, healthy relationship. It goes both ways, so be careful to not develop an extensive list of unrealistic ‘dealbreakers,’ unreasonable expectations, and petty demands. If nobody can ever live up to your extensive list of perfectionist requirements, then nobody ever will.

Once you become clear on the wants and needs that are most important to you, you will see a real difference in the quality of people that will come forward. But don’t rely only on their words and promises. Instead, pay attention to their actions and behavior; it always reveals the truth of who they really are. Actions always speak louder than words. Give them the space and time to show you who they truly are, before you decide to commit to a love journey with them.