anger
To Fester, Or Forgive
Recently, a peer did a short talk on forgiveness, as part of a healing service. Besides her being courageous, sharing aspects of her personal challenges with parents and peers, she also offered a reminder of how instrumental forgiving ourselves is in our healing journey.
The reptilian, primitive part of the brain has a default state of always monitoring its environment. The hunter-gatherer ancestral days had us on constant alert. Anxious. Awaiting possible threat by the saber-tooth tiger. But our modern brain has evolved such, that when we are not active in a task, the brain occupies itself with dwelling on the past.
The idle brain tends to ponder past events and unpleasant thoughts, that in the default state, fill us with anxiety. Pain. Guilt. Self-blame. Shame. Anger. Disappointment.
The typical memories and thoughts, that can consume us in this default state, vary. Some are large and life-changing, such as the loss of a loved one or favorite pet, financial loss, divorce, adultery, retrenchment, and physical or emotional abuse. Others are more behavioral or emotional, but can be just as debilitating.
When our life is ‘heading south’ and we cannot seem to turn things around, we tend to replay the situation. This can lead to becoming more depressed, and having more reason to doubt ourselves. A vicious cycle can result. We spin and spin…like laundry in the dryer, being tumbled. If we remain in that dryer, resentment sets in.
The World Needs You
The concept of spiritual awakening is central to most New Age teachings and modern metaphysical belief systems. This is because we can only create effective change in this world once we become aware, or conscious, of the world around us.
So, what exactly does it mean to ‘wake up’ in spiritual terms? Too many people believe that being spiritually ‘awake’ or ‘conscious’ is simply observing the challenges that are all around us. However, this is not the full implication of being aware from a spiritual perspective.
It is true that we must be able to see things more clearly and honestly, to be able to make changes for the better. But, being awake from a spiritual perspective is much more about personal responsibility than it is about just recognizing the challenges that exist on the planet.
Author and philosopher, Howard Thurman, said, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people that have come alive.” He makes a very valid point.
To be spiritually-minded is to recognize that we are the creators of our world and our own reality experiences. Every thought we think is being returned to us as experience. It is true that there are tremendous challenges facing our world today, but it is equally true that we are either contributing to those challenges, or dissolving those challenges through our own personal patterns.
Our thoughts and beliefs contribute to the war, famine, dis-eases, and other challenges the world is facing. Our thoughts can also contribute to global peace, abundance, and prosperity.
Choosing Peace Over Conflict
There will always be moments in life when we have to choose between peace or conflict. This was the case for me just yesterday.
About half an hour prior to the incident, I had taken my dogs for a walk in the countryside surrounding my home. Adjacent to the pathway we walked, there were a few men working in the field. I didn’t actually see them, but their car was parked up close by, and what I assumed was their lunch had been perched in a plastic bag in one of the olive trees.
Knowing that the curiosity of my dogs would be stirred by that bag of food, I kept a beady eye on them, particularly the two that were off-leash. Thankfully, the only thing my youngest dog appeared to be interested in was someone else’s medium-sized dog that was also in the vicinity of the workman’s feast. I’d assumed that this dog was with the workers, but on taking the same route this morning, I realized that he belongs to the actual farm there.
So, yesterday, after the walk, I was outside my house, when the worker’s car pulled up to my fence. Two young men got out and one of them asked, “Why did you allow your dogs to steal the old man’s bocadillo (a sandwich made with Spanish bread)?”
“They didn’t steal it?” I replied.
“Oh, but they did,” he said. “My friend here saw it happen!”
I took a moment and thought about how to handle this situation in the most peaceful and spiritually aware manner. It wasn’t such a big deal, but obviously the old man felt that he had been robbed.
The Power You Hold Within
There are days in everyone’s life when it feels as if you are at the end of your rope, and unable to face another day. These are actually the times that you have the most power!
When you are stressed, frustrated or lacking in energy, take time to go within and tap into your inner guidance. Quiet your mind, just for a few minutes, breathe and allow your guides and angels to connect with your energy. It doesn’t matter what type of energy you have going at the moment; it can be negative, positive, angry, happy, sad. It simply does not matter.
Once your guides connect with you, they can either enhance the positive energy, or they can take the negative energy away. They have the ability to lessen the pain, the anxiety, the frustration. They are also able to show you a new path, to enable you to walk away from the drama in your life.
It is vital to “cast your worries and cares to a Higher place.” When you let your guides and angels take these things off your shoulders, you will start to see a clearer path ahead. It won’t happen immediately, but with practice you will find that there is insignificance in most of the issues and drama. Even the ‘big stuff’ will just not feel as big anymore.
Relationships are a huge area of stress for many. Too often someone has chosen the wrong partner to spend their life with. Yet, when the relationship eventually falls apart, they often feel that the end of their world is upon them. They even believe their mismatched partner is the only person that will ever make them happy. This way of thinking is wrong in every way. No one else can make you happy. True happiness comes from within.
Free Yourself With The Power Of Forgiveness
How can we possibly reconcile the feelings of anger and betrayal with a need to forgive? Are we compromising our integrity in doing so?
Forgiveness can seem like an impossibility… but it doesn’t have to be. It’s really one of the few things in life that really matters, whether it means forgiving ourselves, or someone else. It is said that allowing someone to continuously upset you, is to allow them to ‘live rent-free inside your mind.’
Others hurt us all the time. Holding on to this hurt for long periods of time can damage us physically and psychologically. And then there are those ‘little things’… like someone cutting you off in traffic, or forgetting an important date.
One thing forgiveness does not do, is make us forget the source of the pain. What it does is allow a reconciliation with what happened, and allows us to move on in a productive way. When you were a child, perhaps you got hurt with a hot stove burner or electrical outlet. You didn’t (hopefully) spend the rest of your life being angry at stoves or electrical outlets! This is basically how forgiveness also works. We can acknowledge that someone or something caused us to hurt, and be aware of how that happened, but still move past it and get on with our lives.
Holding on to anger and bitterness will color all your relationships, until you learn to forgive and let go. If, for example, you ended a toxic relationship and decided to start dating again, you might not be able to fully trust, because of the possibility of reliving that pain. A truly intimate relationship will never happen without forgiveness.
The Answer To Your Question ‘Why’
We ask many questions about our lives. Why did he leave me? Why am I not manifesting? Why can’t I find the right job? Why does my mother hate me? Why did another psychic reader give me an answer different from yours?
There are so many shifts in the Universe, and many grey areas. When you look at your questions, many times it is generic and many times, after talking it out, the answer becomes clear. There are so many sifts and changes in every person’s life. Just because you thought a particular person, job, thing, incident was what you wanted or needed, it is not necessarily what Universe had planned for you.
Take a moment to think about things. With relationships, did you settle? Did you compromise just to hang onto someone and then realized that you weren’t happy, or that person was not changing as you had hoped? Compromise in life is the biggest obstacle in life. It holds so many back from reaching their highest good.
Just because you feel you are ‘soulmates’ does not mean you are meant to be with that person. Just because you know that it is the ‘perfect job’ for you, does not mean you are meant to have it. Just because you believe one psychic reader was right and the other was wrong, does not mean that it is true. Things shift, and life is fluid.
There are many people that hurt inside due to a loss, whether due to a breakup, death, unemployment, or any type of loss that you can imagine. Some say they won’t have anyone or anything else…they only want that specific person or thing. When you do this, you are limiting your life. You are wasting precious time over something that is not meant to be, and was never meant to be your permanent solution.
Love, Joy And Happiness After Years Of Hardship
I have a client who used to be extremely depressed. I recommend she speak to a therapist or counselor instead, because I felt that is exactly what she needed at the time. She had been harboring a lot of bitterness, grief, sadness, anger and other toxic negative emotions for a very long time. She needed professional help that I felt was beyond my scope of expertise.
So, she found a therapist and went for counseling, but months later she told me that the only thing she felt she accomplished was her spending thousands of dollars on help she never really received. She had still found no relief from her deep distress.
She had been bitter for a long time. While raising her children and attending church, her husband would cheat on her. She also worked the entire time the children were young, until they graduated. Meanwhile, he would leave on ‘business trips’ to go and gamble away their hard-earned livelihood, and spend time with other women. Then one day, he met someone he wanted to marry. So, they divorced and he moved far away to be with his new wife. He was a narcissist.
Her sadness and grief was also due to the loss of her mother, whom she had taken care of for 20 years after her father passed. She sacrificed a lot to dedicate herself to serving her mother’s needs. During this time she had no notion of self-care. She suffered on all levels: emotionally, physically, spiritually. She even gave up going to church. She was slowly dying inside and didn’t even know who she was anymore.