grief
Moving On After A Relationship Breakup
I sometimes have clients who are struggling to move past a recent break-up, or they want to know if they will get back together with an ex. Focusing on the past, by wanting to go back to a happier time, or a relationship that left us sad when it ended, prevents us from living fully in the present. And this may be blocking your path to true happiness.
On the flip side, sometimes the universe will block your forward movement, because you are not truly ready for it. If you need to go through a period of grieving the past, do so in the healthiest way by looking towards the future.
The next chapter for you will be richer if you focus on the path ahead, be it with your ex in a new realm, or someone new. Just know the energy that you give out when you are stuck in the past does not welcome new relationships into your life – at least not healthy ones.
No one wants to go through the pain, sadness or loneliness of a breakup. In my mid-20’s I ended a very serious five year relationship. He had already bought the ring. I knew we were close to making a bigger commitment, but he had broken my trust many times in the relationship.
So, as I looked towards a future with him, I knew I no longer wanted to continue. The relationship ended abruptly and all contact with him was severed, like a death. As I look back I realize it had to end this way, as the relationship was only going in one direction, and I no longer wanted it, even though I still deeply cared for him.
Pet Loss And Grief From A Psychic Perspective
Losing a pet can be one of the most devastating things we go through. Many people are caught off guard emotionally when their animals transition. And too often the people around us do not understand the strong bond that can be formed between a human and their animal. They might say insensitive things like, “It’s only an animal. Just get another one.” These attitudes are not useful or helpful when grieving any kind of a loss.
The connection with an animal companion can be very deep and profound. They have no pretense. We do not need to wonder what kind of a mood our pet companions are in, and how it will influence our connection to them. Our animal companions join us on this planet to teach us about pure and unconditional love. So, they always emanate this energy to us.
Rarely do our fellow humans express this level of unconditional love. Our animal friends are nearly always available to us when we need them. This is certainly not true of our fellow humans.
When we lose an animal companion, it is important for us to recognize the depth of their connection to us and understand that the pain of grief is real. I can remember my teacher asking, when we approached this topic of grief and loss, “Do you give yourself permission to go through the grief?”
It is also important to support ourselves in whatever way is necessary, when it comes to the loss of a beloved pet. Whether this means joining a support group, going to a therapist that specializes in grief and bereavement, and honoring wherever we are at in the process. There is a plethora of resources online related to pet loss and grief support.
The Last Cat Standing
Seventeen years ago, I put my cat, Boo, to sleep and sent her back to Heaven. She was a uniquely ornery, but brilliant cat. Boo was a black cat and we actually had full conversations that my friends would be amazed by. Boo lived to the ripe age of 17.5 years.
I was so desperately sad when she passed, that only a few weeks after her departure, I went out and got new animals to replace her. At first, I picked out only two new cats at the Humane Society. They were put in their carriers, awaiting their new home. One was a calico colored cat, and the other was a beautiful grey cat with white stripes.
But as I was walking out of the kitty area, an anonymous black paw suddenly grabbed at me, snagging my sweater. Being spiritually aware, I decided to stop and pay attention. Was this little black cat my new Boo? Well, you guessed it! I left that day with three cats.
I named my new black kitty Shiva. He was only five weeks old at the time, which means he was born right around the time that Boo died. He was very sickly in the beginning. The veterinarian, one of my Yoga students, told me he was unlikely to make it.
At the time, I did not feel comfortable telling my veterinarian that I actually do energy work on animals, and that I somehow knew this was my Boo kitty’s reincarnation. I have been doing animal energy healing since I was a child, and I have been doing animal readings for 20 years.
Reclaiming Your Power When A Relationship Ends
One of the main reasons it is so painful to release someone when a relationship ends, is because we have usually invested so much of our time and energy in our connection with that person. In essence, what we are truly missing when we mourn a relationship are parts of our self that we have given away. What we are mourning is the loss of our hopes and dreams, not merely the presence of the person who is no longer in our life.
If this is something you are currently struggling with, I recommend the following ritual designed to help you reclaim your power after a relationship break-up, so that you can restore your inner wholeness and resume your search for true and enduring love.
Supplies
- 3 votive candles: 1 blue, 1 green, 1 yellow
- 1 aqua marine or clear quartz crystal
- rain or sage incense wand
- small mirror
- 3 copper pennies
- 2 tbsp of fresh or dried mint in a small bowl
- 2 tbsp sea salt
Forgiveness Is The Solution
Forgiveness may be the path to a truly happy and fulfilled life. In his book The Forgiveness Solution, Dr. Philip Friedman puts forth the idea that all our emotional concerns, such as judgment, anger, and grievance, come from our inability to forgive. When we hold onto this emotional baggage, it harms everything. Hurt people hurt people. Taken to the extreme, it may lead to self-harm, or harm to others. But there’s a way out of this vicious cycle.
The first and most important step is to learn to forgive ourselves and develop, what Dr. Friedman calls ‘self-regulation skills.’ In essence these skills are defined by the classic Serenity prayer for courage to change what we can, acceptance of what we cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference. In addition, becoming wholly healthy, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, will better allow self-forgiveness.
When we engage in our daily spiritual practice, we should ideally include a mantra about forgiveness. It may take a while for the idea to take root. Habits take about 30 days to become routine, but after you’ve begun to forgive, you can let the pain go by the wayside.
Keeping a positive attitude is essential to the process of forgiveness. This doesn’t mean that you have to be happy all the time. What is does mean is that setbacks and obstacles are regarded as challenges to overcome, rather than insurmountable hurdles.
Comfort In The Arms Of An Angel
I often use one of the rooms at the local library to meet with new clients. Recently, while I was waiting in the library’s cafeteria for a client to arrive, I noticed a radiant light coming in. It was shining on a very old lady seated just across from me. I then noticed there wasn’t a window at all near either of us!
Soon it became clear to me that this unusual light that was shining down from Heaven. Then there appeared also an angel, standing right by her side. As my sight focused I could make out more of the angel, and I also noticed that the old lady was seated in a wheelchair. she had an oxygen tank attached to the wheel chair. She was with a younger women, who looked to be her daughter.
I did not notice much else, just how amazing the light was and how beautiful her angel or guide was behind her. I sensed it was there to comfort her, as she was in a lot of pain and probably would not remain long in this world.
I then realized it was time to leave to meet my client in one of the private rooms, but as I was leaving the cafeteria I heard someone calling my name. I stopped, turned around and saw it was the old lady’s daughter calling my name as she walked towards me. She then told me we went to school together and I immediately recognized her!
When A Relationship Ends
Many requests for readings that I receive are about relationships, and a good percentage of those are about past relationships that just seem to keep hanging on in callers’ minds and dreams. There are often constant thoughts about the person, a longing for a second chance, or bitterness and remorse for time that now seems wasted.
The longer and more intense the relationship, the more battle scars and wounds exist. If it was a soulmate or twin flame connection, the aftermath can be gutting. The relationship has ended and the connection has been severed in this life. This time can be acutely painful. You know that you gave it everything. You hung in there for years, or you went to heroic lengths to ensure the survival of the relationship, but you fell short.
I am frequently asked, “Is it really over?” Of course, the answer depends on the particular circumstances and this is where a reading with a trusted psychic advisor can be very helpful. It can bring clarity, comfort and assurances about choices and decisions made along the way.