toxic family
The Messenger Must Know When To Hold Her Peace
Ever heard of “less is more?” Well, there is a lot of spiritual truth in the saying. It is especially valid in this day and age, where everyone seems to have preconceived ideas and strong opinions on just about everything. Sometimes saying less, or even saying nothing at all, is enough, and usually for the best.
Saying nothing can be very empowering and liberating. We have free will to choose how we want to spend our time and energy. I choose to focus on things that are for my highest good, and those I care about.
It is not our duty to correct every misinformed opinion or ignorant viewpoint we encounter. Does that mean we should be self-absorbed and uncaring? No, certainly not. But we can also not make the world a better place by wasting our precious time and energy trying to fix everyone, and correct everything, while our own inner peace and well-being suffers.
Compassion, charity, and kindness are all much needed in the world today, but not if it is constantly at our own expense. I therefore prefer to wisely pick my battles, and stick to my lane. One person cannot be everything for everyone. We must focus on our own unique strengths and capabilities when helping others.
If we randomly go out on a limb to help everyone with advice and support, it is often not appreciated and frequently met with negativity and resistance. Not to mention trying to point out the facts or truth of a matter, which can be very risky these days! There are some things in life people just need to figure out for themselves. They don’t always need to hear it from us.
Left Holding The Bag
One of my clients recently said, “I’m the one left holding the bag.” Have you ever been ‘left holding the bag?’ This is when you are put in a situation where you are unfairly held responsible, because other people fail or refuse to take responsibility.
The expression “left holding the bag” originated in 18th-century Britain, but at the time it referred to a person being caught with stolen goods, while the rest of their criminal gang escape responsibility.
Many of us are left holding the bag at some point in our life. This is especially true for empaths, healers and highly sensitive people. They are often the scapegoat in their family, or the friend who is taken advantage of, or the coworker who has to pick up the pieces when others neglect their duties.
The solution for this is often found in spiritual self-empowerment, inner child healing, energy shielding, or simply the setting of boundaries. These are challenges I often assist clients with.
A client was about to purchase a bed and breakfast establishment with the support of an investor. When the day came to sign the papers, the investor decided it was just too much to deal with at the time. This left my client ‘holding the bag,’ having to find a new investor.
Another client was abandoned by her siblings when their mother’s mental and physical health suddenly began to deteriorate, and she was left to her own devices having to care for her mom with no assstance or support from the rest of the family.
Letting Go Of Toxic Love
Social issues Domestic violence concept. Woman victim of spouse intimate abuse and physical aggression feeling hopeless and scared crying in distress powerless to stop violence.
I have been reading for many years for a lady who is one of my dearest clients. I just love her to pieces. But I did not love the situation she was in with the man in her life, and neither did she. But it took her a long time to come to terms with him.
She was raising their child, while she worked and paid all the bills. Meanwhile, he did as he pleased and did very little to contribute to their home or their relationship. Neither did he make any effort to support her and their child. He has substance abuse problems. When he drinks he uses foul language and doesn’t exercise good judgment. Most of all he isn’t a good role model for their child.
He basically just drank and smoked, while he lay around all day. “And on top of that he eats me out of house and home!” she used to say.
“So he eats all your food, doesn’t work, gets to live for free, while contributing virtually nothing?” I asked her many times. I think she eventually had an “aha!” moment when I asked her this again the other day, because recently she told me that she had asked him to move out, and it felt like a breath of fresh air!
She didn’t feel like anything was holding her back now. She is going to start a new chapter in her life and she feels a weight has been lifted off her shoulders.
She was originally afraid of making this change, because they had been together for so long – over 15 years. But she said then she finally realized, “He changed, and he was taking advantage of me, and I allowed it because I thought he loved me, but he is not longer that same person I met.”
She admitted she was insecure and could have chosen a better partner, but felt someone better would have been too good for her. I stopped her right there. Many women I read for settle for less, and they know in their heart they deserve better.
Toxic love … is a parasite of the human spirit. It uses another person’s weakened spirit to survive. It is an emotional cancer that destroys the healthy parts of a person until there is nothing left except an empty shell– unless its progression is stopped! ~ Brad Paul
Bottomline, there was something different in her tone, in her voice when I spoke with her about this big shift in her life. She was so happy, confident and empowered now to do something that was so right for her, after feeling trapped in a situation of toxic energy. Now she doesn’t have to hear foul language, and “the kitchen counter top will no longer be laced with beer cans.”
I am so happy for her. She has a friend who lives nearby should he cause her any grief in moving out. She knows now this is the best possible choice for her and her child. Instead of singing a song of, “Walking on eggshells” she could now sing the proper lyrics to Walking on Sunshine. She made me smile.
Some people just refuse to change, or grow up. Her mate was one of those people that just refused to clean up his act, because he was only concerned with himself and his own needs. So, if you find you feel trapped in a negative situation or a toxic relationship and feel there is no way out, know that you can say: “No more!” All you need is a little self-belief and some courage.