choices
When Your Man Is Not Ready To Commit
I often hear how wonderful the guy is that she is dating… if only he would commit to taking their relationship to the next level! If a woman is not satisfied with the way things are going and what she is getting from the relationship, should she continue to wait for him?
By patiently waiting for him against your better judgment, he only learns that he can get away with his lack of commitment, especially if he feels comfortable with what he is getting from the relationship. This way a pattern is formed.
So, how do you avoid wasting some of the best years of your life waiting on a guy that is never going to commit? well, right from the start you tell him what your looking for and what your expectations are. But handle it carefully, after all you don’t want to scare him away before things even get off the ground!
But do let him know how you feel about dating, long-term relationships, commitment, marriage, children, and whatever else may be important to you. This will inform him, so that you have a better shot at being on the same page. If he starts to make excuses, or says that he is not interested in a long-term commitment, at least not right now, then accept his words as the truth.
The Power Of Observation
In this busy world we rarely take the time to observe things around us. Most people see and feel things only through their own personal lens. Of course, it is only normal to identify with your own feelings and the things you have seen, heard or experienced. But sometimes so much of what we believe as reality is the only way we will accept it. It is necessary in some situations to take a step back and observe a situation, look at all sides of it and try to remain neutral.
I have worked with some clients in my hypnosis practice who just can’t seem to look at a situation from a different perspective. It is much easier for people to observe someone that looks much like them on a television screen playing out a scenario. They may see, feel even hear things that could not be recalled at the time of the event. Another way is to view the scene in a different way in order to rewrite the script to achieve a different outcome by observing. The incident with a different outcome may show the possibility of different realities.
For example, when there is a car accident and four or five people witness and observe it. When questioned, the people usually all have a very different account of what happened. Through their own personal lenses they believe it as gospel. But is it really?
Aligning With Your Circadian Rhythm
The circadian rhythm is 24-hour ‘internal clock’ that governs physical, mental, and behavioral changes in humans, animals, plants and even micro-organisms. I have known for many years that the circadian rhythm was an important aspect of our well-being and that it had to do with our mood and sleep cycles, but recently I discovered some new information that caused me to sit up and take notice.
A renewed interest in the biological process of circadian rhythms appears to to be trending these days, and reportedly it has a much more profound impact on our bodies and our health than merely affecting our sleep patterns. Much of this may be due to the 2017 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine being awarded jointly to Jeffrey C. Hall, Michael Rosbash and Michael W. Young for their work on the molecular mechanisms controlling the circadian rhythm. Their research into what controls circadian rhythms is enlightening.
Their research discovered a gene that controls the normal daily biological rhythms. This gene encodes a protein that accumulates in the cells at night and then degrades during the day. The cells inside our bodies therefore contain a self-sustaining clock that regulates functions such as behavior, hormone levels, sleep body temperature and metabolism. Thanks in part to their discoveries, scientists and doctors now know these day-and-night cycles keep creatures alive by regulating our alertness, sleep patterns, blood pressure, hormones, body temperature, and when we eat.
Learning To Say Yes To Yourself
It is in the empath’s nature to say ‘yes’ to just about anything requested of them. It goes against our grain. For some of us, saying ‘no’ also brings on fears of rejection, abandonment or letting someone down when it may be important to support them. Rather than finding an excuse, or simply telling the truth, many of us give in and just go along. It just feels easier in the moment, and even validating or satisfying.
But when you end that phone call, or respond to another text, and you feel anxious and panicked, while you start going over all the other things that will have to fall to the wayside by saying yes, then you really are saying no to yourself. Self-care requires that we sometimes say no to others, in order to say yes to our own well-being and peace of mind. Consequently, the person that you said yes to won’t be getting the best of you. If you have said yes at your own expense, then what you bring to the table for that person is stress and anxiety. Your best self will not be fully present.
Saying yes, when you really want to say no, can also lead to resentment that you then attach to the person who asked for your assistance. Here the responsibility lies with ourselves. We teach people how to treat us and many times we don’t give others enough credit for understanding when we say no. Most people would rather hear. “No thanks, that time doesn’t work for me” or “I have other commitments,” instead of having to sense a half-hearted or less than enthusiastic yes.
When Spiritual Leaders Let Us Down
It is a hard lesson for some of us to learn that people are just people. We are all capable of good and evil. The difference is the choices that are made on how to handle our emotions and feelings.
When you put faith and trust in an individual and are let down, you start to second guess your decisions and lose some faith in yourself to make wise decisions. It can leave a big hole in your heart and create trust issues in the future.
It seems impossible for a person who has done remarkable good deeds to also choose to do bad things. We must realize that all people have temptations in life. Some people can avoid the albatross on their back, while others simply cannot. It takes a very strong person to walk their talk.
The same applies to ‘highly spiritual’ people, because some healers, gurus and spiritual leaders certainly have had their own cross to bear.
A Few Minutes Of Daily Self-Care
I often tell my students to take some ‘me time’ each day, even if it’s only five minutes for self-care. And I have heard 101 excuses as to why someone cannot do this, ranging from parenting responsibilities and career, to house cleaning and maintenance. These excuses typically start with the words, “I have to…”
At one workshop, I had several people offer their excuses for not having even a few minutes for themselves on a daily basis. Then I narrowed it down to a simple question. When you have to go to the washroom, do you hold it in all day long, and all night, because you ‘have to’ do something else? After the laughter stopped, because I did do an exaggerated imitation of someone ‘holding it’ by rolling on the floor in agony!
And then I asked the next question. By holding it all day and night, and writhing in pain and agony, what did I accomplish? How much time did I waste focusing on this issue of ‘I have to go,’ but ‘I don’t have time.’
This is the simplest way to explain time management versus wasted energy and time. I take a bath or shower each day, as do most people. I am usually at least a few minutes under the water in some way. Water is my peacemaker and my calming force. It energizes me and charges me for the day.
Your Sacred Center Of Self-Love
We all thrive on being loved. This is natural, of course, if you look back at humanity in history on an evolutionary level. Ancient people came together in tribes, families, and groups, to cultivate a place of safety, security, nurturance, and love. If you were different or stood out in any way, or even left the tribe, you were literally putting your own life at risk. This topic can be viewed from so many arenas, including psychological, spiritual, scientific, and psychic.
I often wonder how and when did we start defining ourselves by how others felt about us, and why did we believe that other’s thoughts about us were true? At what point in time did we allow others to define us? It’s as though we as humanity went into a deep trance.
We all know the phrase, “Love thyself first”. When did we forget this vital piece of information? There are many ways we can come back in touch with this essential truth, but for the most part, our society does not support a lifestyle that would naturally lead us back to our sacred center of self-love. How often do you take a moment to look in the mirror, or tell yourself, “I love you?” Most of us feel silly doing this, but it is very healing.