life drama
Through The Looking Glass
We tend to not see ourselves accurately. We too often choose to focus on our shortcomings and weaknesses, such as we perceive them to be. And I believe we are all guilty of this. I have not in all my years met anyone who was truly satisfied with themselves – until it was sometimes too late.
I was just as guilty of this as anyone else. My childhood was one that I wouldn’t have wished on my worst enemy. I was abandoned by both parents when I was very young. I was raised by an aunt and uncle, who took pleasure in reminding me that my parents did not love me. My aunt also took every opportunity to beat the daylights out of me, while my uncle did nothing.
When I hit puberty, several older males in my ‘family’ began to stalk and harass me. I’d go into the kitchen and soon find myself backed up against a wall. Nobody believed me. Nobody did anything to stop it – not even when I was raped at 16 by a family friend’s son, who was deemed to be a “good boy” and “would never do anything like that.”
I could go on and on about all the horrible things that happened to me, but once I turned that momentous age of 16, and having had the experiences that I have had, I left my aunt and uncle’s home. I went to live with my boyfriend, his sister and their mom. When I left, my uncle dumped all my clothes on the front lawn.
Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
I first learned of the HALT acronym when I joined Alcoholics Anonymous many years ago. In hindsight, had I applied its simple, yet powerful technique, I might have avoided several slips along the path to my sobriety. I also realize now that the HALT concept is an integral part of loving ourselves, and it thus assists us more on our spiritual path to greater serenity.
HALT is an acronym for:
H – Never get too Hungry
A – Never get too Angry
L – Never get too Lonely
T – Never get too Tired
During one of my heavy drinking episodes, many years ago, I was working a job which required me to be away from home constantly. I was working extensive and erratic hours with a team of co-workers who were all heavy drinkers.
At this time I was subject to everything in the HALT scenario. I was often hungry, because we were pretty much on call to travel anywhere in the world at a moment’s notice. I never knew when I would next be able to eat. In hindsight, I guess I could have been better prepared with personal emergency provisions, but we were always promised that the next trip wouldn’t be so grueling.
I was also constantly angry at the company for exploiting me. The amount of erratic and long hours we slaved was not what we had signed up for.
Connecting With Deceased Loved Ones
When a loved one dies, it is never easy. It is always traumatic to lose someone who we have lived with, taken care of, loved and nurtured – be it a partner, spouse, parent, sibling, relative or friend. The feeling of them suddenly no longer being here can be devastating. Even their little quirks, which sometimes annoyed you when they were alive, is forever missed. We suddenly miss everything about them!
Thankfully, the spirit of those we love remain very much alive after their passing. Despite the ‘vehicle they drove around in,’ namely their physical body, may no longer be around, their spirit is still around. They can hear and see us, and they can feel our emotions.
I can tell you that when we call our loved one’s name, they are with us. When we pray for them, they appreciate it. Greatly. The two best things you can do is pray for your loved ones and say their name out loud. Continue to talk to them. And when you talk to them, they respond through sending you thoughts and signs. They also come to us in the dream state when we are sleeping. Write them a letter and put it under your pillow, and try to remember your astral travels the next day.
Your loved ones are never far from you. Love is the energy that keeps us connected with our loved ones. Sometimes they will give you a little visit. Remember to ask and you shall receive. Knock and that door will open.
Be Patient And Trust The Process
Life presents many challenges to each of us. Even those people who you think have lucky ‘horseshoes’ and ‘rainbows’ over them, have their own challenges, just like you and me. However, it is how they choose to deal with adversity that makes the real difference in their ‘fortunate’ lives. Their choice of reaction, or non-reaction, to each setback or negative event in their life, is what creates their ‘luck.’
If your life seems to be suffering from a lot of ‘bad luck’ lately, take another look at how you reacted to your last break-up, loss of a job, lack of finances, or not manifesting your dreams. Are you that person who chooses to sulk, complain and be envious of the success of others… or are you the person that knows that challenges are just side-steps towards what you are going to achieve for yourself?
Your perception, or the way you look at life, is what makes or breaks us in the end. That person who seems to have everything you desire, did not get there because they were ‘lucky.’ They arrived where they are because they believed, and they worked hard on what was important to them.
When that job didn’t come in that they wanted, they didn’t get upset or discouraged,. They didn’t give up and think they were not good enough. They stood back up, shook it off. They accepted that they didn’t get that job because something far better was probably in store for them down the road. It often is that simple.
Moving On After A Relationship Breakup
I sometimes have clients who are struggling to move past a recent break-up, or they want to know if they will get back together with an ex. Focusing on the past, by wanting to go back to a happier time, or a relationship that left us sad when it ended, prevents us from living fully in the present. And this may be blocking your path to true happiness.
On the flip side, sometimes the universe will block your forward movement, because you are not truly ready for it. If you need to go through a period of grieving the past, do so in the healthiest way by looking towards the future.
The next chapter for you will be richer if you focus on the path ahead, be it with your ex in a new realm, or someone new. Just know the energy that you give out when you are stuck in the past does not welcome new relationships into your life – at least not healthy ones.
No one wants to go through the pain, sadness or loneliness of a breakup. In my mid-20’s I ended a very serious five year relationship. He had already bought the ring. I knew we were close to making a bigger commitment, but he had broken my trust many times in the relationship.
So, as I looked towards a future with him, I knew I no longer wanted to continue. The relationship ended abruptly and all contact with him was severed, like a death. As I look back I realize it had to end this way, as the relationship was only going in one direction, and I no longer wanted it, even though I still deeply cared for him.
Is Honesty Always The Best Policy?
A client recently shared with me how being honest in her work environment did not serve her best interest in the end. Being completely honest caused her to not receive her annual salary increase. She feels that had she used a lie about being ill, or even having a flat tire, as a reason for not making it to work on time, as opposed to going back to sleep after the alarm went off, she would not have had her employment record blemished. Despite meeting targets and good customer feedback during the previous twelve months, being honest had actually gone against her in this instance.
Our conversation reminded me of a similar incident I experienced myself many years ago.
My father and I had entered into business with partners on the island of Tenerife, in the Canary Islands. Whilst my father was winding up the sale of the family home, after his divorce from my mother, I’d gone ahead and rented a small apartment close to the business, whilst learning the ins and outs from the family we were going into business with.
There was a lot of building going on, in and around that area. My apartment was owned by the construction company, whose office was on the ground floor of my apartment building. On a regular basis I passed the workmen, as I entered and left the building. Despite all the construction activity, my apartment was private, secure, and surrounded by a balcony with blinds, which reached halfway down the window. Nobody from below could actually see inside.
Make Haste To Welcome Your Blessings
A friend was bursting with excitement recently over the possibility of a purchasing a new home. Her dream of home ownership was finally coming to fruition. Over and over again, she exclaimed, “I cannot believe this is actually happening!”
About ten minutes into our conversation, I found myself somewhat dismayed by my friend’s inability to grasp the blessing in front of her. Astonishingly, she cried tears of joy for the opportunity to purchase her dream home, while quickly losing her enthusiasm and asking how could she be on the receiving end of such a gift?
Somewhere in my dear friend’s consciousness was embedded a belief that not only was she not capable of owning prized real estate, she was equally not deserving of it.
I threw her a life vest, as I will no longer jump in the river of despair to save anyone. Although the tide of denial was high, and the currents of self-doubt were very strong, I reminded her of her rightful place in a glorious life. I reminded her that the Divine Presence within the Universe existed within her very being, and that love in its highest form radiated throughout her entire being.
Now, you might be asking, what’s love got to do with this? Love has everything to do with moving our minds and souls beyond self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness. Love is a master healer that goes hand in hand with forgiveness. In its highest expression, love brings forth life, joy, and empowers each of us to become co-creators within our magnificent world. Love can be directed deep down to heal old wounds that have become anchors, and can free us from cold rivers of crippling despair.