inner strength
Showing Up When Spirit Calls
Many years ago, while working in a clinical practice, I was called to lead a group of women who were survivors of domestic abuse. At that time, my role within the organization was strictly administrative. I had no clinical experience and quite frankly had serious misgivings about how well these women would be served through our agency’s poorly-funded, piecemeal program with severe limitations.
As we were on the verge of losing our contract altogether, the executive director burst into my office one morning and announced that I would be the interim director of the domestic violence program, in order to save the contract. I sat motionless, with a look of deep concern on my face.
Before I could respond verbally, my executive director began reviewing a county contract that outlined the qualifications of the new program director. As she flipped through the pages of the lengthy contract, my hope was that somewhere in bold writing there might be a job description that required a clinical background in Psychology or Social Work, but this was not the case.
I recall that same day reaching out to my dear friend and confidant, a fellow psychic and spiritual counselor who always helped me find clarity, especially when I felt completely lost in a situation. While my friend’s words were comforting and reassuring, she also shocked me out of my comfort zone. I wanted to hear from her an easy way to get out of my new job assignment, but she announced that I had a calling to help a group of women whose lives desperately needed to be changed.
Take Back Your Power!
Everyone has a story to tell about their love life. And some of have extremely abusive stories to tell. One common element that I have come across frequently in my work, is the fact that some people are treated with disrespect and emotional abuse, and yet they are still patiently waiting for the abuser to return to them!
When you ask them why, it is usually because they “still love” that person. Well, that is not love. It is simply an imagined need that has been created by the abuser, or by one’s lack of self-worth. It is a psychological illusion, not real.
If you are still waiting for someone to come back into your life, after they left you for someone else, you are making yourself the second choice. You are degrading your own true value and taking away from your self-worth.
During a workshop I presented on this subject, I asked the participants to write down why they felt they needed that other person in their life. In essence, all their responses ended up being about lack of self-esteem, self-respect and self-security.
The next step was to ask them how they would you feel if they saw someone treating their daughter, or son, in the same way they have been allowing the abusive partner to treat them? They all said they wouldn’t tolerate it. They would intervene and get that person out of their lives, or at least try. One of the delegates even went as far as to say, “I would lock her in the house and never let her out again.” Which might be a great idea under the circumstances, but obviously not realistic!
Cast Fear Aside And Embrace Courage!
I once read about a woman in a very unhappy relationship. She sought counsel from a highly-revered spiritual leader. In a calming tone, the spiritual guru cautioned that in order to gain marital happiness, the woman would need to let go of the partner she lacked happiness with.
The woman confusingly gazed upon the sage, with her hands tightly tucked under her chair. Again, the holy man repeated that in order for the right man to walk through the door, she would need to let go of the wrong man.
Even more puzzled, the woman confided that she was afraid of being alone. Her teacher, taken aback, turned to the woman and announced that fear was a disease of the mind and the heart – if allowed, fear would keep her in a state of perpetual unhappiness.
How many times have you missed out on life’s many blessings, because you were afraid of moving to a new place, changing career lanes, or ending a relationship with someone who did not honor your greatest dreams? Each of us has experienced these moments of stalemate consciousness in our lives, and each of us has become crippled by fear at some point.
Let me remind you that while a lack of confidence might only slow down your dreams, fear will completely get in the way of the manifestation of your greatest desires and goals. Without personal growth and courage, the formula will not change, and your life will remain the same.
Dragging A ‘Knapsack Of Irrelevance’
Reading for a client recently revealed her toxic work environment, and how one co-worker in particular was making things very unpleasant for her at the office. It reminded me of a short-lived, but very unpleasant working situation I found myself in years ago.
I was scheduled to work with a woman for a couple of weeks who had an extremely negative attitude and was having a profound effect on me. I shared this unpleasant situation with my boyfriend at the time, and his view was that I was just carrying around a ‘knapsack of irrelevance.’
I was so upset! How could he even think that? However, he did give me some food for thought when he then also said, “Just consider how you will think about this situation in a few years from now. How much will it matter then?”
Well, that did help to put things into perspective. And guess what? Just as he predicted, I forgot all about it until this recent reading with my client! Yes, he was correct. After all the years, remembering that brief work situation made me realize that it never had any major relevance or importance to my life. Stressing and worrying about it was indeed just a waste of time and energy.
I met this particular ex-boyfriend in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). He was very well-versed in the twelve steps and other tools helpful in achieving and maintaining sobriety. He also gave me an Alcoholics Anonymous pamphlet, which I have to this day, which reads:
Spiritual Courage
When most of us hear the word courage, certain ideas come to mind of going beyond our normal range of responses to life, or beyond our perceived comfort zone. We may think of courage as standing up to a bully, or taking a risk in life, or leaping forward in blind faith.
Not only are we treading into new territory when we engage courage, but we are leaving behind an old pattern or belief system that has prevented us from stepping beyond what we have feared most. To be courageous and to step beyond our fears, we need to be willing to succeed, or fail.
Failure to most people means not meeting a goal. But what if failure also means to remain stagnant? When we look at courage to help us break free of limiting circumstances or beliefs, it becomes easier to be courageous, because we see that not being courageous has only kept us trapped in repeat cycles. Furthermore, to varying degrees, it often causes unhappiness in an area of our life.
I had a male friend who looked much younger than his age, and always looked happy. When I asked him what his secret was, he simply replied, “Courage.” He said he would do something to scare the pants off himself at least once a month! I laughed, but saw the point he was making.
He loved being in nature. He would ski off huge cliffs, go skydiving, and participated in many other activities that take guts to do. My friend is on the Other Side now, but he visits me often with his message of courage.
The Key Is In Your Hands
I received a lovely necklace as a gift recently, with a beautiful center stone and a small ‘skeleton key’ at the bottom. A skeleton key is a type of master key in which the serrated edge has been removed so that it can open numerous locks .I’ve seen these keys before, and remembered vaguely the symbolism, but I decided to refresh my knowledge by researching further the significance of this symbol.
Katie Pifer writes that keys have had a variety of spiritual symbolisms attached to it “for as long as man has had locks. They are connected with gateways and portals, doorways to the unknown, knowledge, mysteries, powers, initiations, new ways, forbidden things and answers to curious questions.”
Keys symbolize our ability to gain access to those things of either a material or spiritual nature that are of the greatest importance to us. The key is an object symbolic not only of opening doors to new paths that align with our desires, but also closing and locking doors to those things that we wish to leave behind.
Skeleton keys are considered to be a more powerful symbol, since they can open many different locks. Thus, they have been perceived to be the powerful ‘keys to the Kingdom,’ or the key to that someone special’s heart, and so on.
Skeleton Keys are traditionally also worn as powerful amulets. It is thought to be good luck to touch a key when you are entering a challenging or dangerous situation, because keys are believed to keep you safe. They are also symbolic of transformation, freedom and liberation.
Spiritual Or Religious?
There are those of us who describe ourselves as “spiritual, but not religious.” But what does that really mean? Spirituality can be defined in many different ways, and it is a very personal matter.
Everyone has the right to decide for themselves what belief system or philosophy resonates most with their heart. In my view, there are many different spiritual paths that all lead to the same destination.
To be spiritual, for me, is to practice being kind to others and myself. It is simply about the ‘golden rule’ of treating others the way you wish to be treated. Truly spiritual people, no matter what their personal beliefs or values may be, are appreciative of life’s blessings and practice gratitude daily.
Spiritually aware people have hope and faith. They look at life challenges as possibilities and opportunities, instead of as limitations and setbacks. They strive to see the glass half full, as opposed to half empty.
Spiritual people also have compassion for others, and all life forms. They are usually concerned about global issues. They respect the natural environment and see the beauty in the world around them. The simple things in life become the extraordinary things bring them joy. Look at trees, mountains, ocean, birds, animals, flowers and plants! That is what I called my church. How can one be out in nature, surrounded by all its beauty, and not believe in something greater than yourself?
Spiritual people are always aiming to become better people. It’s about living your own truth, living with principles and integrity. They realize that money does not necessarily bring happiness and fulfillment, which is not to say that one cannot be wealthy and happy at the same time. I know some very wealthy people that are highly spiritual, happy and grateful, doing good things for the world we live in. Wealth often affords people the ability to contribute to making the world a better place.